3.02.2023 Keep on socialising.

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  Friday 3rd  3C/38F. Grey overcast and windy. Up at 7am. Lit the stove. 

 It is 10 months since my wife died. A contact recently told me that his wife had surgery for cancer and this has caused brain damage. I cannot be sure, of course, but I don't think my wife would have survived any cancer treatment. Her rapid demise after the unwanted scan was a horrible shock but perhaps the kindest way to go. For her at least. She was at home and being cared for by a wonderful team of nurses and home helps. Morphine and other medicines ensured she was comfortable did not suffer. As she fought for every breath.

 I constantly relive that last week and our long years together. In dreams and daydreams. Often while lying restless and sleepless. I still cannot remain in bed once I start thinking about the unfairness of it all. She was such a kind and caring person. She adhered to organic foods and vitamins for decades. 

 Looked after me for over half a century. How she would have survived alone without me is open to doubt. The simplest things like shopping would have been difficult for her. Reaching the shops from the countryside would have required transport. She preferred isolation and hardly ventured out. 

 The bus service doesn't even reach the nearest shops as it turns off early. The logistics of getting heavy shopping home would have been a struggle for her diminutive self. She would have needed frequent help with home electronics and any online services. Perhaps such help would have been provided. According to her needs. I can only relate to the help I received. With my far greater resources and own transport.  

  I had my ear wax removed in town. It is not considered a problem. So my next appointment is in June.

 My English friend came over for a couple of hours. Updating my PC and phone with useful apps. He brought delicious cakes! His cheerfulness and optimism is always a huge boost for my moral. Further reinforced by the museum and cooking classes.

15.00 7C/44F still grey and breezy. Lunch over. 

 I went to bed for a short afternoon nap and slept for an hour and half!

 Dinner was mackerel on toast. I had some baked beans to use up. So I added those. Mopping up with a bread roll. Not an ideal match but filling and probably nutritious.

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