26 Nov 2018

26th November 2018 Tricyklist [nearly] decapitated by lorry ice!


Monday 26th 32F, clear with bright sunshine, light winds and thick white frost. A strange roll of cloud hung over the horizon. Gorgeous Bullfinches scattered on my arrival at their roadside tree. I haven't seen one for ages.

Having avoided several close misses by assorted service vans, I reached the first corner. Where a sheet of 15mm thick ice had obviously slid from a goods lorry and smashed right where I would have been walking. Talking of which: I am still waiting to see two lorries in a row where both drivers are not both on their hand held, mobile phones. 

I have long given up expecting to ever see a van driver with his hands and mind free for the task of driving. You wouldn't expect anybody willing to risk other people's lives, by using their phone while driving, to have any moral compunction to provide a quality service. Would you? 

Would any heavy goods, lorry driver, willing to use his phone behind the wheel of a multi-ton, 7-axle, heavy vehicle, on a narrow twisting road, really give a shit about dangerous ice on the roof of his container or tarpaulin cover? How would a people-trafficked, Filipino, heavy goods driver, living on the bare floor of a sociopath's shipping container know anything about ice? 

How would you feel about driving all day, for peanuts, after yet another night spent on a hard, shipping container floor? Ask a household name, sociopathic, transport company owner. Then ask yourselves why several household name companies continue to use his services. While knowing the hideous truth about his highly illegal operation from all the news headlines. Sociopaths, of a feather, stick together?

Tuesday 27th 32-36F, light winds, early cloud clearing to bright sunshine. Not such a white frost as yesterday's but still stayed white on the grass all day. The ice was still hanging around on the corner where it had slipped off a lorry roof. A pheasant was pottering on the drive but not much else to report.

In breaking news: Herr Chancellor Chump, the world's leading authority on Climate Change, does not believe his own government's latest and direst climate change report. "I don't believe it!" The world gratest [sic] ever intellect and self proclaimed orator is reported to have said. In a rather obvious and pathetic plagiarism of Victor Meldrew's now infamous denial of everyday reality. Nah, I don't believe Chump is real, either.

Meanwhile General Motors is slashing car production and th shedding 14,500 jobs despite massive US taxpayer's subsidies. I had no idea Tesla had punctured the CO2 powered, US car market already. CO2 is back in fashion! Soaring upwards after a fake lull thanks to Chump's energy policies debated and duly passed with a majority on Twatter. I hate to brag but I was much too busy for a ride today.

Wednesday 28th 33F, breezy and heavy grey start with some sunshine, lots of cloud and gales promised for later. This morning may be my best chance for a ride this week. I'll have to see if I can obtain a gate pass from The Head Gardener.

A savage gash in the Danish landscape made by gravel thieves. [Image: Courtesy of The International Space Station.]

But first I had a walk up to the woods via the marsh and spray tracks. Where I found the big pond was thinly frozen over. Except where the ducks were maintaining a narrow landing strip. Two large herons lumbered into the air and fought a losing battle with the wind. As they put on a slow motion, aerial display and pretended to circle.

I returned the other way after a big loop up through the forest. A bit eye watering at times because of the gusty wind. The woods were bleak and crispy underfoot. Only a thin, orange rim around the edges of the sky hinted at any potential for sunshine today. More like sub-shine, in fact. Talk of the devil, we are enjoying a [very] brief splodge of brightness as I type. It wont last! And didn't, as the the wind quickly picked up to a gale. No ride today.

Thursday 29th 36F, overnight gales and rain continuing. The Danish news is that energy consultants have been milking the system to earn a fortune when advising farmers and businesses on energy savings. Making £5-10k [equivalent] per hour is being widely quoted. Greed always wins while the climate goes to hell. 3-5C + is the new estimate due to a complete lack of interest in CO2 reduction. The weather is going to hell too. A horribly wet and windy day.

Friday 30th 42-44F, dark grey with a light breeze. My computer woke up with an awful hangover. A bad update? Several restarts and a couple of scans later it started behaving normally.

It was much colder on my walk than I had imagined from reading the air temperature. The problem was that the air was moving far faster than anticipated. The gulls were confused too. Lots of them going in opposite directions. While I was too busy to be going anywhere on my trike.

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25 Nov 2018

24th November 2018: A thatched Trykit? Surely not?


Saturday 24th 35-36F, dark grey with light winds. Another grey walk down to the village and back in a thin wind. I had forgotten my GripGrab "Camel Toe" gloves, this morning. So overcame any risk of frostbite by plunging my hands deep into my pockets. Thereby adding a further variation to my silly walks repertoire, according to The Head Gardener.

I keep having nightmares about the authenticity of my Ecco walking boots. I bought them at a discount online and they have been nothing but trouble from day one. The right boot has now developed a squeaky fart with every step. I may have to alter my routes to avoid embarrassment. You know how The Village People talk!

Talking of embarrassment: The Trykit has gone ginger and developed chest hair. Or pubic hair? Depends on your point of view: Thought for the day: Avoid larches. They drop vast quantities of self-adhering needles at this time of year! We are surrounded in the damned things!

I was allowed out in fine drizzle under a dismal sky for a shopping ride to a village in the Far North. Seemed to be going as well as usual. Saw two different, large birds of prey, close to the road. Still trying to keep my cadence as high as possible. Only 13 miles. Unlucky for some?

Well some people nearly died in their desperation to get past with a huge truck coming the other way. Lift off for a fraction of a second? Nah. That would mean driving at the speed limit and that would never do. The neighbours would talk and they would be ostracized. It would be tantamount to being seen outside the hyggelige home at exactly 6pm. When every self-respecting Dane is tucking into minced pig burgers and sose. The latter a Danish variation on English gravy but made from flour and colouring according to my sauces.

Sunday 25th 36F, dark grey with light winds. I walked around the 3 mile rural block. Hunters were making an awful racket in the far woods. Each salvo wrapped in a halo of reverberating echoes. Somebody seemed to have taken a long a cannon just for the fun of it. 

I keep wanting to put my bike computer on a telescoping, forward projecting pole. I can't read my cadence while I'm standing on the pedals on a climb. My high, seated, pedal revs drop rapidly. 95>~80rpm. Requiring at least two upward changes of gears to gain enough resistance. Without pedal resistance my arms tire too quickly supporting my entire body weight only on the brake hoods. I'm presently a martyr to Tennis Elbow despite never knowingly having played. Was I there?

Changing up and down between different pairs of gears is a nuisance. When I sit back down I am over-geared. Stand up again and I am foolishly under-geared. Even having 22 gears is not enough with present, mechanical Campag Chorus levers.  The electric changing stuff is still far too expensive for my tastes and pocket. It must be those rare earth magnets. "Rare" as in coming from the largest quarries on earth. Expensive? As in the pennies for a fridge magnet, cheap?

Click on any image for an enlargement. 

23 Nov 2018

23rd November 2018 Where do I queue for my missing decade?


Friday 23rd 32F, dark grey and misty with light winds and possible wintry showers. Should I go back to bed? A brisk, grey, misty, 40 minute walk without noticeable excitement.

The beck which winds along the road and through the countryside is inexplicably dry for the first time in living memory. There used to be several inches of moving water a yard wide moving through here. Which used to feed the marsh lake. Have the farmers nicked the water for irrigation? Very odd indeed!

I used to watch the mesmerizing tumble of water out of a concrete pipe before it turned sharp right. The ducks liked to forage invisibly along the weed concealed stream. They would suddenly burst from cover in a panic and shoot off like a cruise missile. It used to terrify me! So one can only imagine how the ducks felt about having their breakfast so rudely interrupted.

Today's news is that the UK is spiraling competitively downward to deplorable US standards on the effects of inequality of income level on health and lifespans. Relatively poor, UK men are now a full ten years short of  a survival set compared with the comfortably awff. Lower income UK women are dragging behind but significantly more likely to die younger than those who can literally afford to shop 'till they drop. 

The UK has a free-on-demand health service except for ears, eyes and teeth. Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil? But can they find a decent family doctor?

The poor have bad health and diet habits and make poor life choices compared with the more wealthy. Obesity, physical inactivity, smoking, drugs and booze abuse are rife. The result is a chronic disease load which kills the self-abuser all too early. No doubt many lower paid jobs are still quite literally toxic inn one way or another.

It's not all, entirely their own fault, of course. Employment insecurity, poor housing, traffic pollution, violence, crime, noise, stress and ingrained class habits are all serious factors in life shortening damage.

The wealthy live in the secure suburbs. Where traffic noise and pollution are usually much better filtered. They enjoy a level of overall greenery which is denied to those who must live in drab, concrete surroundings. Never let an architect design anything they wouldn't cheerfully live in themselves.

Worrying about which second new Audi to choose form, this year, is obviously rather less stressful than wondering if you can actually feed your kids this week. Food poverty is rife and badly skewed by the utter crap being heavily advertised on their vital flat screen TVs. Meanwhile the BBC elite has been deliberately dumbing down the working and non-working classes, for nearly a century and it has been outstandingly successful.

Sugar is a well known killer but standard fare in most products designed specifically for "the lower orders." Sugar means dentists or toothache. Sugar means obesity. Sugar means bad behaviour at all ages. Sugar means ups and down in energy and accidents. Sugar means chronic tiredness most of the time. If the rest of their sugar bomb diet is mostly chemically engineered fat then god help the poor! Nobody else will. Because it is so damned profitable even if the customer base is considered disposable! There are always more where they came from.

For reasons of pride the poor usually make very poor choices over clothing. They frequently choose not to visit charity shops. So pay well over the odds for slave-made "fashion " clothing with short useful lifespans and piss-poor protection from the horrid UK weather. 

Class pride is the real killer. But not for the relatively well off. Who happily pick up quality or even designer label clothing at giveaway charity shop prices. There are even charity shops which cater to the middle classes with aspiring tastes in evening frocks and quality tailored clothing. No ski masks needed here.

The same school "classmates" wear cheap Taiwanese rags. Or, a choice of labelled duvet jackets at a £1,000 a pop per day. It's no wonder they call them "classes." Though where "classmates" comes from is anybody's guess in this strained context.

The poor always look down on school swats as strangely inferior. The difference in eventual income is as tragicomic as the inverted snobbery. Luckily the universities filter out most of "the dross" on income grounds alone. So the muddle classes maintain their monopoly on longevity.

Only the poor pay a fortune for this week's cynically altared [sic] football worship uniform. So that some billionaire, foreign businessmen [and soccer team owner] can become even more filthily richer. If that is even possible?

How much does your tribal battling, season ticket cost now? Better have a payday loan for that! Just so you can mingle briefly with the speeding Ferraris, Bentleys and Lamborghinis. Of your obscenely overpaid, hideously disloyal, drug and £200 cocktail riddled, porcelain-fragile idols? Suit yourselves. You will anyway. At your own cost in longevity. You can't put a wise head on poor shoulders.

 Season Tickets | Become a Man Utd Season Ticket Holder | Official Manchester United Website

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22 Nov 2018

22nd November 2018: Wot no gravel? FAKE NEWS!


Thursday 22nd 39F, cool and dark grey with light winds.

Today's [fake] news is that Denmark is about to run out of gravel. It is obvious, to me at least, that nobody bothered to look on the cycle paths. Where the terminal moraines of gravel spill overflow constantly from the private drives of the "entitled" home owners.

Here the magnificent peaks of the southern face soar majestically into the sky. A truly breathtaking sight with the snow white, hanging glaciers peaking out between the vertical, avalanche-swept cliffs. This cold and very inaccessible northern range has never knowingly been climbed without oxygen.

There was a time, in the last century, when Danish local authorities would sweep the paths and roads on a daily basis with ridiculously noisy, suction machines. They would often wake us up in the early hours when we first moved over here.

Alas, now long gone, these machines are never seen any more and have probably been scrapped or rusted away. I just hope they emptied the gravel collectors first. If the "entitled" classes donated their gravel over-spill to the national collection it would certainly reduce the impending shortage. Failing that the errant gravel could be confiscated in the national interest. None of your "compulsory purchase orders" or they would only be fueling the shortage. Home owners would increasingly spread gravel over the cycle paths just to recover their initial costs thanks to Black Market inflation.

BTW: I am not allowed to show gravel spilling onto cycle paths from recognizable private homes. Under Draconian Danish privacy laws I would suffer a typical sanction of at least ten times any potential sentence for a successful prosecution for the original criminal offense. Genocidal Danish property investors languish in luxurious presidential suites in 5 star hotels with all the trimmings. While those who dared to take a few 'snaps' of jaywalking must survive a life sentence without parole in brutal forced labour camps.

There are also several local junctions where gravel has been collecting for well over the 20 years. Where I have often been forced to cycle around the vast spoil tips which have closed off previously accessible roads. Thereby adding considerably to my mileage when I only wanted to ride to the shops.

The Danish government decided that tunneling would be too expensive. So large tracts of rural Denmark have become virtual No-Man's-Land. Except to a few hardy mountain trappers.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling really adventurous and missing the Welsh mountains, I think I might do a tour of all the gravel summits in one day. A kind of extreme "Munroing," if you like, but without the pub crawls.

What with all the pig farms, Denmark is absolutely desperate for tourists so this might be way to bulk out the numbers. They could set up fixed ropes and ladders and safe crossings for the larger crevasses to attract a wider audience.

The Chinese like this sort of thing judging from the devastating erosion of The Great Wall. Which makes me think: A few, well publicized, NASA pictures of these local junctions, taken from the Space Station, would surely raise global interest in a more 'energetic' holiday. Even if it only meant guided parties enjoying the slightly less demanding foothills below the towering peaks.

There might even a a few desperately needed local jobs as official mountain guides. Or even load carriers for more serious expeditions. There are always those who might be trying for the first direct, winter ascent of the north face. Or going for a New Guinness World Record for climbing in one blue sock and one red sock. That sort of thing.

Though I'm really not sure the Danish Mountain Rescue Services are fully prepared for the likely demand. Perhaps they could borrow a few helicopters from Norway if there was a really big avalanche? Or if an international team of climbers were caught high up in a winter storm while traversing a difficult summit ridge.Well, you never know. Mountain weather is so unpredictable.

Last but not least: Most local farmer's fields have far more gravel than real soil. All it needs is for somebody to go around with a JCB and a gang of "work experience" septuagenarians still waiting for their pensions. Give them a riddle and a wheelbarrow each. Then every time the farmers' tractors leave several tons of the valuable stuff on the roads the gravel shortage would soon be solved.

Meanwhile the Royal Society of Infrastructure Metal Thieves will probably be advising their members to move into gravel. A shortage means rapidly rising prices. So hoarding will guarantee a profit down the road [so to speak.]

Speculative "Weekend Quarrymen" will start digging up the roads and motorways at night to steal the gravel. The immigrant gangs would take up packeted gravel sales instead of drug dealing. With all the different "street names" names hiding the true cost to human lives.

Names like "Rocks" and "True Grit" will soon become the norm for Danes hungry for a fresh but costly new coating for their drives and parking spaces. The already hard strapped, Danish Police will have to set up a special task force to combat this rapidly escalating, new crime wave.

Still, I think I have safely proven that there really is no shortage of gravel in Denmark. Basically, it's all a matter of knowing where to look instead of just being negative. If the truth were known the [supposed] gravel shortage is probably due to the new mega-data centers mega demand for gravel. For leveling their vast [multi-football field sized] building foundations. And, all that "Green" concrete has to come from somewhere!

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21 Nov 2018

20th November 2018 Fixing the Danish T-De-F.


Tuesday 20th 38F, dark grey, wet and windy. The gulls were [almost] absent today. Probably frightened themselves yesterday by their sheer numbers. A sprinkle of rain and a cold wind just about sums up today's walk.

Millions are being set aside to subsidize the T-De-F start in Denmark. I had no idea shipping containers for storing asthma drugs were that expensive to hire? Or is the expense for fitting road legal lights and reflectors to the Peloton's 6lb £multi-$housand, 3 bike changes per stage/ four wheel changes per stage machines?

Cycle theft is awful in Denmark. So perhaps the cost is for Abus Dreadnought Class, Gold Secured mini-U locks? Can't they just give the teams a few lumps of UCI Approved, rusty scrap iron to tie onto their bikes? Its not as if there are any real, mountain passes in Denmark and the savings to go towards a second stately home for each of the UCI observers.

It would be so simple to end cycle punctures overnight if they totally banned mechanics from making wheel changes for puncturing in the classic races. Make the rider fit a new tube and tyre beside the road surrounded in polluting parasites motorcycle photographers. That would end the foolish use of expensive, but irreparable tubulars, on normal roads and boost wire-on, tyre technology for the Weekend Warriors to boot.

Wednesday 21st 40F, cloud clearing to sunny periods but windy. No sign of any sun as I walked for an hour up to the woods and back the other way. A buzzard complained as I passed its roadside copse. The views are opening up with the steady loss of leaves. Exposing more distant features like masts and windmills. I could even see the sea from the top of the hill. There are hundreds of small birds moving about in the trees and hedges. No ride today.

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19 Nov 2018

19th November 2018 I'm old too!


Monday 19th 39F, Eek! Very dark grey, cold and windy. Hovering around 5C with 25mph gusts. With Wind Chill that's equivalent to -3C. It's enough to turn you to heavy drinking according to scientists.

Drunk in charge of a trike? Nah, not really. I still have some pride. Mind you, there's plenty of big pockets in the jerseys and jackets for beer cans. These cans need not be full.

There is an impoverished class of persons in Denmark. Who are so poor that they ride battered and rusty old 1950s mopeds. As they go around looking for empty drinks cans carelessly tossed into waste bins. Many will stop to pick up a can on the verge to take to the supermarket's recycling machine. It's called "trickle down" for very obvious reasons.

Say I was found drunkenly draped over my trike: Do you think I might get a special dispensation for claiming I have the International Standard Sporting Cyclist's <cough> "Universal Asthma Problem?"

As in; "I'm a martyr to asthma, officer." "So I must consume several cans of beer before every training session."  I'm still waiting for cannabis to become an International Standard Prescription for <cough> The Peloton's Universal Asthma Problem.

Danish police are having a go at motorists who cross on the red at traffic lights. Yellow means stop. Or in this case it means "stop at your own peril!" As some drunk, Danish driver hits you from behind because you didn't run the red light as expected. It has happened to me twice now at traffic lights by <cough> "mint chewing" drunk drivers.

"It's my wife's car," seems to be the favourite excuse. They probably have multiple bans for drunk driving themselves. So they drive a car registered and insured under their wife's name. Driving while constantly "chewing mints," of course.

There's a lot of it about. "Mint chewers," driving their wife's cars have damaged my own car twice in almost empty car parks. One was so keen to avoid attracting any attention that he offered me £100 in cash to "fix it myself." Then £200.

Another "mint chewer" reversed his wife's vast and utterly hideous, Picasso people carrier into the side of my parked car at a petrol station. His excuse? My car was so old it didn't really matter, hic! I'm old too. Was the self-confessed sociopath going to run me over? And, would that be his wife's fault?

The gulls were back and in unbelievable numbers this morning. A huge dark cloud was swirling high above their usual roosting field but my images were crap due to 'noise' from a lack of light. Just the price of undersized glass on overambitious optical zooms. More like pinhole cameras for those of us who still remember crystal sets and Ladybird clothing. 

A dark buzzard was circling effortlessly over the marsh until it spotted me and moved away. There were only a dozen male Mallards visible on the pond until a similar number of anxious females joined them from my side. I half circumnavigated the prairie then followed the edges of the fields to photograph different vistas.

My trusty old Lumix TZ7 is losing the will to live. It keeps producing soft images. Probably a build up of internal dust over time. The lens extension and retract seems to be getting slower and slower. I'll have to try pausing before taking a 'snap.' Just to give it time to catch up. The camera must be feeling its age after the hundreds of thousands of images I have taken. I know that feeling! 😉

Today's ride was in the car. As I had to buy a load of fuel blocks to avoid losing the last of our furniture to the insatiable wood stove. And it's still only 58F/14C indoors. So we keep watching advertising videos of heat pumps to keep warm. How the other half live, eh? The cost of an air sourced installation would be about 1/3rd the value of our home.

The Danish politicooze [upper classes] are trying to force wood burners to invest in green technology. The soot particles were threatening to overshadow VW's absolute diesel supremacy. How were they going to turn the Luddites green?? By threatening to take away their old stoves.

Some countries have subsidies for "green" home improvements. Denmark spent all the funds on giving away billions to foreign crooks in reclaimed taxes they were never due. Then there was the vast fleet of unusable F35s fiasco. These are so noisy they have "Concorde style" bans against overflying most European countries. At least, those with any remaining pretensions to democracy under EU Dictatorship.

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17 Nov 2018

17th November 2018: Dugh? DOGH!


Saturday 17th 39F, cooler after a clear night. Now turned to grey overcast but sunshine expected later.

Today's hunt was short lived as the cloud quickly vanished. An erratic salvo just before 9.30am and then all went silent. About 20 guns had turned up in their drab green. Some wearing dayglo orange hats. Which rather clashed with the expensive, all weather togs.

By the time I had walked around to the other side of the field by the road they had broken into four groups. And were strolling back in opposite directions to their cars parked along the lanes. Presumably there were no pheasants left in this copse after several shoots over the last couple of weeks. The other birds seemed unnaturally nervous as they raced across the road from hedge to hedge to get away from me. No sign of a single gull when thousands are usually present on the nearest hill.



I had to smile in total disbelief at a new build supermarket's cycle parking facilities. Being a new build one might have thought they had total control. But no: Whoever designed the cycle parking is working so far above their pay grade they really ought to be in round the clock care.

Excellent choice of situation, just around the corner from the supermarket's entrance door. But! Some drooling moron has put a 2" kerb at the entrance to the cycle parking area. Right where cyclists want to quickly get away from the steady stream of traffic entering the car park from the busy main road.

They also forgot to put an exit in the railing enclosure. So that cyclists could easily reach the shop door. But no: Anyone using the cycle parking is pushed right back out into the same steady stream of traffic of motorized shoppers entering from the same, busy main road and all of them rubbernecking for a parking space. This must surely be considered a serious but completely unnecessary safety issue? A gap in the railings would surely be cheaper than a continuous one almost reaching the wall?

As is commonplace with Danish supermarkets, they also forgot to make any paths across the newly planted, perimeter grass. Thereby denying anybody a safe exit from the entire parking area on foot or by cycle. So they force pedestrians and cyclists to cross the wet and muddy grass. Or to walk or ride downhill to take the secondary entrance into a minor road. Leading back up to an even steeper uphill drag just to reach the junction with the main road. Dugh? DOGH!

In other new build supermarkets there is never any connection with the outside world except through the car park's only entrance. Obviously terrified of disloyalty by shoppers going right next door to the next [completely isolated] "island" supermarket surrounded in their pebble beaches of oversized gravel.

In one glaring recent example the council put a pavement ramp for cyclists to enter the car park by a narrow path across the [standard issue] giant gravel perimeter. Thereby saving the cyclists having to negotiate a busy traffic light at a four way junction [crossroads] and then having to climb the typically fierce car park entrance ramps around the bend.

The problem, in this case, is that they put the cycle pavement ramp beyond the entrance!! It doesn't align with the paved path by several feet! Dugh? DOGH! Oh, by the way, the cycle parking ramp at this supermarket is often completely blocked by their pre-pubescent staff stacking pallets of goods all around or even directly in front of the cycle racks! There are obviously convoys of lorry loads of drooling idiots working well above their pay grade in supermarket staffing, management and design.

Still chuckling to myself over these numerous faux pas I finally reached the checkouts. To find that the plastic battens [used to separate individual shoppers' wares on the belt] were completely inaccessible. This was due to some educationally challenged, drooling moron having fitted the overhanging sweet pricing strips almost touching the batten storage rail. You would not believe how common this is to many Danish supermarkets! Dugh? DOGH!

And no, this last is not at a new supermarket chain. They have literally hundreds of branches across at least four different countries already and they have been going since the 1980s. Most of their premises are new builds. No names. No pack drill. You [should] know who you are by now. All it takes is a little thought [and care] with the details. Preferably by someone who has a clue. Or even gives a shit. Rather than a zombie.

There is another recent new build supermarket in another village. This has a very large covered area outside the shop which is used to display goods. Guess what? Their cycle parking area is outside this area under a huge tree which drips constantly, year round. Pallets of goods often make it difficult to exit the shop and IMPOSSIBLE to reach the cycle rack. This must surely be a safety issue? But no. This is Denmark.

This same shop also forces all of their customers to walk around their safely covered product display in the pouring rain and wind and snow while "mingling" with the constant car park traffic. Which is always trying to park as near to the door as possible to avoid getting any exercise.[At all.] Y'all couldn't make it up. [Spit!]

This is the alternative reality of Danish supermarketry. Where no gaps are left in the endless shelving to allow customers to move freely. But must walk the entire length of the shop just to get to the next aisle. "Baaa.Baa. Baaa."

Ankle high, low pallets of goods on display often block these same endless aisles. Offering a perfect hurdle for people to trip over. Or to struggle to get past with their shopping trolleys. The chances of a catastrophic loss of life is highly likely in the event of a fire or other disaster!

This is Danish supermarketry where every single week they advertise discounted wares which never exist. Nor ever will at a discount.  Only in their very own, alternative reality of the supermarket offers magazines.  "We didn't get it in," trips off their youthful lips from several day's constant practice. Before being replaced with yet more fresh, new, Junior School aged faces.

Sadly Denmark quite obviously has no fire safety checks on supermarkets. Nor even a recognizable consumer protection system. Every supermarket chain is owned by one or two foreign piggy banks or offshore billionaires. So exactly the same goods appear in every single supermarket except Aldi.

Only the plastic carrier bags [and prices] change from one shop to the next. They even cheat on organic produce [when it is available] by putting a prominent symbol of the Danish flag on the packaging to make the busy shopper think is is the official, red, organic logo. Putting the same NON ORGANIC produce under an organic label is another trick of the trade. Organic produce is often so ridiculously overpriced they end up offering it cheaply on the last day of the "best before" label. Perhaps they think the tiny packs of tired organic produce are Nouvelle Cuisine? You can buy half a pig's worth of  pork mince [Danish: hakked grise] literally "hacked pig" for the same price as a small portion of organic mince!

In a country with a typically severe obesity problem the sweet, sugar bomb drinks, cakes and snacks displays are always longer and larger than any other. And, always placed close to the checkouts. Where the all too familiar queues are deliberately manufactured by understaffing with their ephemeral, underage bods. Anybody calling Danish supermarketry "a license to print money" is obviously just a cynic. 😏

That said, Denmark's supermarket chains beat Britain hands down on keeping villages viable for all. If you have more than a thousand souls to rub together then you probably have a choice of supermarkets in Denmark. I wonder if that is true of many villages in the UK?


Saturday's ride? A crosswind going both ways. If that makes any sense. I personally dispersed a huge flock of Rooks hanging about over a main road village. Though it was nothing personal. Blinding sunshine on the way back. 14 miles-ish. I forgot to check.

Sunday 18th 38F, grey with light winds. It feels even colder today. Saw three cyclists out training and a buzzard with somewhere else to be.  The gulls were somewhere else too.

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12 Nov 2018

12th November 2018 Rain stopped play. [Herr Chump]


Monday 12th 47-51F, still mild, grey and damp with a light breeze. Rain forecast for this afternoon. I'm hoping or a ride again today.

Slightly cool on my hands as I plodded to the lanes and back again. I saw another pedestrian which is extremely unusual. Some young chap walking on the "wrong side" of the road and taking no notice of the traffic.

A small, island copse in a field probably reserved for hunting [shooting.] These are often low spots with a pond hidden within and difficult or too expensive to drain.

The leafy crop is new for this area but has been widely planted. It eventually gets ploughed back in rather than harvested. So may be helping the land to recover from this year's drought. I'm guessing of course. There has been a lot of short, clumpy grass planted too and that gets a regular 'haircut' without collection. Perhaps it's all about soil improvement in the form of a green compost.

I left for Assens under grey skies and seemed to be going well enough apart from a slight shortness of breath. The very first vehicle I saw was a white Audi. Which had overshot a blind corner in the village by so much he was in danger of hitting the opposite verge. Probably just another drunk Audi driver. The second car I saw was a smart VW saloon which had overshot the next village corner by a full car's width. Probably just another drunk VW driver. There were plenty of hills to be enjoyed on my different routes going both ways. It only started spitting with rain on the very last leg. 19 miles.

Tuesday 13th 47-50F, mild, grey, damp and misty again. Wind and rain later. It stayed dry for my walk and much of the morning before raining in the afternoon. A lethal bird virus is due to reach Denmark with Blackbirds likely victims from midge bites.

"It never happened!" WW1 was fake news. Rain stopped play before it even began, according to Herr Chancellor Chump [The World's Gratest Meteorological and Climate Authority.]

In other braking [sic] news: Big Online Advertising & Pay No Taxes.con's] data centers are going to require at least 300,000 extra wind turbines in Denmark. Neighbours are already complaining about every single windmill raised on Danish soil due to noise and visual disturbance destroying the value of their homes. It's an ill wind...

Denmark sits in a unique geographical situation in northern Europe to carry .con's advertising streams onwards to the rest of Scandinavia and even Rustland. Denmark is going to have to build coal fired power stations just to cope with the .con invasion. All, so that .con can claim it is using green energy. No doubt the Danish taxpayers is paying for the data centers in many other ways too. No ride today.

 Data centers will increase Denmark's carbon footprint - DCD

Wednesday 14th 45-50F, clear, with strange pink stripes and light winds. Just another walk without anything particular of notice. An early shopping ride is indicated if malnutrition is not to rear its ugly head. Who knows the global consequences of not having milky morning coffee with organic bread rolls and "full strength" marmalade? Whole civilizations have fallen for less! The image above is credited to The Head Gardener.

Only a short ride to the shops with numerous detours under a grey sky. Still only 8 miles.

Thursday 15th 47F sun rising but still rather cloudy with light winds. Walked to the village and back. Too busy for a ride.

Friday 16th 40-48F, clear and brightening as the sun rises with a bit of a breeze. Another day, another walk. No time for a ride.

Saturday 17th 39F, cooler after a clear night. Now turned to grey overcast but sunshine expected later. Today's hunt was short lived as the cloud quickly vanished. An erratic salvo just before 9.30am and then all went silent. About 20 guns had turned up in their drab green. Some wearing dayglo orange hats.

By the time I had walked around to the other side of the field they had broken into four groups. They were strolling back in opposite directions to their cars parked along the lanes. Presumably there were no pheasants left in this copse after several shoots over the last couple of weeks. The other birds seemed unnaturally nervous as they raced across the road from hedge to hedge to get away from me.No sign of a single gull when thousands are usually present on the nearest hill.

Click on any image for an enlargement.


11 Nov 2018

11th of the 11th 2018. A bit of a moan about other road [ab]users.


Sunday 11th 50F, mild, grey, breezy and wet. [Again!] It stayed dry and there were even a few patches of blue high overhead for my walk to the village and back. I keep seeing small flocks of 20-50 pretty goldfinches flitting constantly between trees and hedges. Now I am enjoying morning coffee and rolls the sun keeps peeking out but only briefly. There is a wide range of leaf loss and autumn colours even between the same species. Probably a case of survival by average.

Have you ever wondered about the saying: "Freedom of the road?" These days there is so much traffic that nobody can go for a pleasant drive any more. Everybody drives at just above the speed limit. With a hundred cars on their tail if anyone should dare to slow by 1mph.

I usually monitor following traffic as I drive at the speed limit. [When it is safe to do so.] In theory they should never catch you if there is the slightest gap between you. In practice you always end up with a tailgater, or three or seven or a hundred. Most drivers are great at speeding down the straights to ensure they catch you. Most drivers are absolute and unbelievable crap at cornering.

Years ago I decided that every corner should be treated as a life-long, learning exercise. I always try to drive in the middle of the lane. No "racing lines" for me. Any drooling idiot can manage a racing line through a corner. Most drivers do it on automatic pilot and all of them do it badly.

A racing line is for empty tracks with no oncoming traffic and clear lines of sight across the corner. A racing line on a typical rural road suffers from maximally reduced clear vision ahead. Which means your braking distance has been, quite literally, thrown away. Much like the garbage you shelter behind between your ears.

By staying out in the middle of the lane throughout a corner you have maximum warning of any unexpected obstruction. Obstructions like a bored young housewife giving her child a walk in its pram or pushchair. Or a broken down vehicle. Or a pair of "idiot lovers" walking hand in hand in the countryside. Or a fallen tree branch. Or the tail end of a five mile queue behind a tractor. Or a disabled/mobility scooter. Or a subnormal teenager driving on the wrong side of the road in a stolen vehicle? Did that get your attention? Nah. You are always thinking about anything else but your driving. If you did actually think about your driving you'd be almost unique.

Treat every corner as if somebody is picnicking in the middle of your lane just "around the [next] bend." How will you anticipate this if you can't see them? Think about it.

Cross the double white lines on the entrance or exit and you have not only broken the law. You have taken away the legal right of way for oncoming vehicles. You have allowed yourself more asphalt than you are legally or safely allowed. Your grand theft auto of their asphalt has denied them the absolute right to drive like somebody with a working brain cell or two. Unlike yourself who is driving like a total mental cripple. i.e. You belong to the vast majority who see your car as an exercise in ego and idiocy in equal measure. Both words mean much the same anyway.

Like most drivers, you place your brain in the drinks holder before every car journey. Phone at the ready? Eating or smoking while driving? Do you turn regularly to the bloodied vegetable in the passenger seat during every conversation? Or do you constantly monitor the road ahead and everything going on around you? Are you watching for potholes or road debris ahead? What about potholes in front of that cyclist who is annoying you simply by being in YOUR WAY? Are you watching the pavement or verge ahead for children or the elderly stepping into YOUR PATH to avoid a puddle?

When you meet a mirror image of your own drooling idiot self, overshooting or entering a corner too wide, then you have deliberately discarded all moral right to a driving license. You are an educationally challenged fool and should retire to your hospital bed [or the prison you so richly deserve.] Hopefully before you kill any more innocent drivers, pedestrians, cyclists or [your god willing] yourself.

Cars and their drivers are where intelligence and morals are utterly separated from reality. Ask the driver of any "4-arseholes of the apocalypse" VW/BMW/AUDI/Mercedes. Then drive badly and above the speed limit, in a country with a 50mph rural speed limit.

They feel entitled to cheat because they are so "special." Special as in Special Needs. The world is full of "entitled" people. They bought the adverts hook, line and bløødy anchor. Never give a second thought to their driving skills or how to improve them.

In 2010 alone 1.25 million people died in road accidents worldwide. Why do we call them "accidents" when the vast majority of people drive exactly like you do? As careless with other people's lives as any historical despot or tyrant for your own selfish pleasure and even amusement.

Yet a single murder makes the international headlines. Why do we pretend to make guns difficult to obtain? When every vehicle is a potential weapon of mass destruction. Almost every one equipped, as standard, with an averagely, piss-poor driver behind the wheel.

As we march to remember the war dead we ignore the the reality of the annual genocide of road kill. Funny how they paint flames on "hot-rods" but never splash them with fake blood. Isn't it?

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9 Nov 2018

9th November 2018 Weather promises dashed.


Friday 9th 41F, calm, slightly misty and rather grey. It was a gorgeous morning for a walk to the far woods. With the sun eventually breaking through to really light up the autumnal colours. It felt cool on my hands at first but the breeze died down. I took 115 pictures in an hour and a half. Lots of pheasants and a pale bird of prey being harassed by crows. The hunters spoilt the perfect silence at about 9.30am.

After morning coffee I was allowed out on my trike. So I took advantage of the calm weather. Unfortunately the sunshine soon grew steadily more watery. Until it really did rain at 17 miles and became heavier after that.

Only when I reached 30 miles did it finally let up. By which time my GripGrab gloves were soaked right through and I was suffering from saddle soreness and hunger knock. Though my windproof cycling jacket never showed any sign of dampness inside and I remained warm and comfortable throughout.

I stopped at a petrol station for a choccy bar but their prices were outrageous! So I hung on until I reached the village supermarkets. A small, but cheap caramel and nut bar soon sorted out my weakness and hunger. Now with a tailwind, I was cruising faster than previously.

A rare image of the Trykit looking back along the causeway. My apologies for the "photo-bombing" white rock being used as a parking brake. Note how the ABUS Dreadnought Class, Mini U-lock ship's anchor is completely crushing my Overboard duffle/saddlebag. 2lbs of unwanted ABUS ballast by any other name.

To call this a "cycle lock" is like saying that VW is an honest carmaker. VW are now hoping to undermine Tesla's Model 3 by producing a cheap electric vehicle at under 20k Euros. Its likely specifications can be safely taken with a very large pinch of diesel soot. Not so much an EV as a VW EB [capital B for bullshit.]

It is reported that vast fleets of plug in, electric hybrids have been bought with UK taxpayer's subsidies. Only a few of these have ever been plugged in. They were simply seen as a cheap way for corrupt businesses to replace their vehicles regardless of the cost to the planet or the hard pressed UK taxpayer. Give a few sociopaths a little power..

Today I saw  countless thousands of coots, hundreds of ducks, dozens of swans, a few birds of prey and a solitary Eider duck. Which was floating right beside the causeway but which refused to be photographed. I tried, but it kept paddling way until it was too small to see in the viewfinder.

39, mostly damp miles, down by the coast. A four hour ride at my usual average of 10mph @ 95rpm while shopping at five supermarkets along the way.

Saturday 10th 47F, grey, damp, misty and windy. Rain promised for later. The wind certainly made it  feel much colder than yesterday. A thousand gulls rose from their overnight rest on a field to rejoin the existing flock. It is an amazing sight to see how they circle behind each other at great speed while those taking the shortest route struggle against the wind. Their skills in avoiding each other in 3 dimensions puts the human race to shame. There were frequent showers and no good reasons to go out for a ride. I must get out my winter MTB boots.

Click on any image for an enlargement.


5 Nov 2018

5th November 2018 Too grey.


Monday 5th 48-50F, heavy grey overcast, misty and damp with light winds. Light rain possible.

My walk was without drama except for teasing the mink gulls. Even from 200 yards away I seem to have that effect on them. They settle back down as soon as I move on.

Tuesday 6th 48F, another grey, damp and misty day with light winds. Too busy for a ride and very unsafe in such thick mist.

Wednesday 7th 46-50F, grey, damp, misty with light winds. Again. The birds are having a mad week. My walk was severely delayed by pheasants wandering in the drive. Zigzagging back and forth only 6' away from me on my way out and when I returned later.

A male sparrow literally landed at my feet while I was walking along the road. Then it walked slowly ahead of me as I took a few steps and had to stop again while it pecked at the road. It only left when a noisy lorry approached. I had a blackbird land right beside me on a post yesterday. It just sat there staring for a while before leaving. What is going on? Do they think I'm unusually tame? No ride today.

Thursday 8th 47F, early mist has cleared to rather cloudy with light rain possible. I was remote teasing the mink gulls again. The nearest of the huge flock was a couple of hundred yards away. But they all took off in a panic when I lifted my arm to chest height and gave a little wave. 

After that the sky was full of loud roaring but I couldn't see anything through the cloud. Then four vapour trails appeared in a blue patch. They must have been extremely noisy because it only very rarely we ever hear the literally hundreds of big passenger jets going over.

These four must have been at high altitude because they were too small to see clearly even through my binoculars. Several minute passed before the racket finally subsided. I always wonder why the police can prosecute motorists or  motorcyclists with noisy exhausts but would have to pause their discussion with the perp while jets went over.

A female pheasant was sitting on top of the garden gate as I returned home. It dropped over the other side and hid under a hedge. The tame males were absent today.

Click on any image for an enlargement.


1 Nov 2018

1st November 2018 We wuz only following Our Grate Leader's orders!


Thursday 1st November 44/51F, windy but clearing and brightening. It could be dry and sunny, or cloudy with rain. Eeny, meany, miney..

The very top of the news is that the US Chancellor, Adolf Chump, is sending 15,000 brown shirts to the border to fight off an invasion of desperate, South American, economic terrorists.

Bozo, equally desperately, wants them as warehouse slaves workers but Chump won't let them in. Leading to a crash in The Slave Markets due to a lack of cheap "bulk raw materials" from the Amazon.

Right at the bottom of the news: Scientists have grossly underestimated the amount of heat soaked up by the oceans. Meaning that the 1.5C "safe limit " is now completely out of the window.

I enjoyed a longer walk again today. This time going in the opposite direction up to the woods and back again via the spray tracks around the fields. The forest tracks had been cleared so I did a loop to capture some of the glorious colours of the beech trees. Too busy for a ride today.

If a forest troll put a spell on somebody boastful then this must be close to the most likely result. Is it just me or does it look like Trump?

Friday 2nd 48F, overcast, misty with rain promised for this morning. The Danish news is that a transport company may have been slave trafficking and paying imported drivers less than £2/$2 per hour while housing them on the bare floors of empty lorry containers. Give a sociopath a little power...

Just a brisk walk to the lanes in windy, grey conditions. Thousands of gulls were spiraling and hundreds more of them were on their way to join them. It turned wet in the afternoon.  No ride today.

Saturday 3rd 36F, still and clear. The traffic was quiet on my walk. Even the mink gulls had dozed off. I am being allowed out for a ride! Only occasionally breezy. Enough loose gravel on the cycle paths to cover a car park! Only 15 miles.

Sunday 4th 37F bright and breezy. A cloudy day is expected. The sheer number of items bought online has added 13,000 lorries to Denmark's roads. Meanwhile, PostNord is up to its scalp in debt.

My walk, in glorious early sunshine, was interrupted by a grey dustbin lid rapidly covering the entire sky. The temperature felt as if it had dropped 20 degrees and cold easterly wind sprang up.

Simultaneously WW3 broke out as hunters let rip at the intensively reared wildlife. Hundreds of gulls chose that moment to leave the area. It was all a bit tense for a moment there.

Several drivers waved at me but I haven't a clue who they were. There were a couple of unusual sights today: A tractor with a huge, long, open trailer paused before pulling out at a junction. Standing right in the middle of the trailer was a cow. Moments later a car with a trailer went past. With a classic, scrambler motorcycle standing perfectly upright in the middle. Not bad for a 40 minute walk to the village and back. 

Click on any image for an enlargement.