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Today's
[fake] news is that Denmark is about to run out of gravel. It is
obvious, to me at least, that nobody bothered to look on the cycle
paths. Where the terminal moraines of gravel spill overflow constantly from the
private drives of the "entitled" home owners.Here the magnificent peaks of the southern face soar majestically into the sky. A truly breathtaking sight with the snow white, hanging glaciers peaking out between the vertical, avalanche-swept cliffs. This cold and very inaccessible northern range has never knowingly been climbed without oxygen.
There was a time, in the last century, when Danish local authorities would sweep the paths and roads on a daily basis with ridiculously noisy, suction machines. They would often wake us up in the early hours when we first moved over here.
Alas, now long gone, these machines are never seen any more and have probably been scrapped or rusted away. I just hope they emptied the gravel collectors first. If the "entitled" classes donated their gravel over-spill to the national collection it would certainly reduce the impending shortage. Failing that the errant gravel could be confiscated in the national interest. None of your "compulsory purchase orders" or they would only be fueling the shortage. Home owners would increasingly spread gravel over the cycle paths just to recover their initial costs thanks to Black Market inflation.
BTW: I am not allowed to show gravel spilling onto cycle paths from recognizable private homes. Under Draconian Danish privacy laws I would suffer a typical sanction of at least ten times any potential sentence for a successful prosecution for the original criminal offense. Genocidal Danish property investors languish in luxurious presidential suites in 5 star hotels with all the trimmings. While those who dared to take a few 'snaps' of jaywalking must survive a life sentence without parole in brutal forced labour camps.
There
are also several local junctions where gravel has been collecting for
well over the 20 years. Where I have often been forced to cycle around the
vast spoil tips which have closed off previously accessible roads. Thereby adding considerably to my mileage when I only
wanted to ride to the shops.The Danish government decided that tunneling would be too expensive. So large tracts of rural Denmark have become virtual No-Man's-Land. Except to a few hardy mountain trappers.
Sometimes, when I'm feeling really adventurous and missing the Welsh mountains, I think I might do a tour of all the gravel summits in one day. A kind of extreme "Munroing," if you like, but without the pub crawls.
What with all the pig farms, Denmark is absolutely desperate for tourists so this might be way to bulk out the numbers. They could set up fixed ropes and ladders and safe crossings for the larger crevasses to attract a wider audience.
The Chinese like this sort of thing judging from the devastating erosion of The Great Wall. Which makes me think: A few, well publicized, NASA pictures of these local junctions, taken from the Space Station, would surely raise global interest in a more 'energetic' holiday. Even if it only meant guided parties enjoying the slightly less demanding foothills below the towering peaks.
There might even a a few desperately needed local jobs as official mountain guides. Or even load carriers for more serious expeditions. There are always those who might be trying for the first direct, winter ascent of the north face. Or going for a New Guinness World Record for climbing in one blue sock and one red sock. That sort of thing.
Though I'm really not sure the Danish Mountain Rescue Services are fully prepared for the likely demand. Perhaps they could borrow a few helicopters from Norway if there was a really big avalanche? Or if an international team of climbers were caught high up in a winter storm while traversing a difficult summit ridge.Well, you never know. Mountain weather is so unpredictable.
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Last but not least: Most local farmer's fields have far more gravel than real soil. All it needs is for somebody to go around with a JCB and a gang of "work experience" septuagenarians still waiting for their pensions. Give them a riddle and a wheelbarrow each. Then every time the farmers' tractors leave several tons of the valuable stuff on the roads the gravel shortage would soon be solved.
Meanwhile the Royal Society of Infrastructure Metal Thieves will probably be advising their members to move into gravel. A shortage means rapidly rising prices. So hoarding will guarantee a profit down the road [so to speak.]Speculative "Weekend Quarrymen" will start digging up the roads and motorways at night to steal the gravel. The immigrant gangs would take up packeted gravel sales instead of drug dealing. With all the different "street names" names hiding the true cost to human lives.
Names like "Rocks" and "True Grit" will soon become the norm for Danes hungry for a fresh but costly new coating for their drives and parking spaces. The already hard strapped, Danish Police will have to set up a special task force to combat this rapidly escalating, new crime wave.
Still, I think I have safely proven that there really is no shortage of gravel in Denmark. Basically, it's all a matter of knowing where to look instead of just being negative. If the truth were known the [supposed] gravel shortage is probably due to the new mega-data centers mega demand for gravel. For leveling their vast [multi-football field sized] building foundations. And, all that "Green" concrete has to come from somewhere!
Click on any image for an enlargement.
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