12 May 2025

12.05.2025 And there it was: Gone!

 ~o~

  Monday 12th 43F/6C [6.45] Wall to wall sunshine again. Reaching around 15C/59F. An easterly breeze. 

 Up at 6am after another quiet night. 

 No idea what to do with today. Do I want a ride? No point in loading the trailer with waste timber. The local recycling yard doesn't open until Wednesday. The next nearest recycling yard is open every day but is over 12km away.

 I have to repack two pairs of cycling shoes for return. They came with three shoe-boxes rattling loosely about in a huge box. I may have to cut the large box down to house only two. Otherwise they will only take up 1/4 of the volume. There is no rush to do that either.

 7.00 Time for my walk.   

8.00 And back again. I ventured further afield in a loop along a quiet track and back along a lane. About 6km altogether. The countryside is gorgeous at the moment. With raps and shrubs in flower and trees in fresh leaf. 

 An ultra low and wide, supersportscar was going the other way on the main road. I grinned and he gave me a blip of the throttle. I couldn't be sure if it was a Ferrari or some other mark. It was certainly very red. A warbler was foraging on the drive as I left. Later I saw a kestrel.   

 It is fascinating how different people make a house their home. Gardens are cleared of shrubs and trees. To make wide open spaces. A rather mysterious farmhouse has been enclosed by trees since we moved here. Only a glimpse was possible through a gap in the trees. Now they have large excavators removing and stacking all the trees. There were young people standing by a car in the yard. So the owner may have grown old or passed on. No doubt the arrangement will suffer from more traffic noise but the new sense of space is amazing.

 A much smaller property on the same main road was on the market for years. The new owners have cleared the undergrowth. Laid gravel for parking and made the lawn into a pleasant picnic spot with chairs and a table. The once untidy hedge is now trimmed neatly. A total rethink of the true potential of the property. What seemed like a postage stamp of a garden is fit for a leisurely walk.

 The same situation now applies here. There is masses of space, thanks to over 1200m^2 of grounds. Lots of it has been hidden in dense growth of trees and shrubs for years. Most of them planted by my wife. The rest is due to absent neighbours. Leaving hedges to soar into full grown trees. 

 The estate agent who valued the property strongly suggested a major clearance of the jungle. I found some original photographic prints the other day. From when we first moved in. It was wide open to the boundaries. I could hardy recognize the place!  

 10.00 I decided to stay at home and tidy the remains of the observatory. There is so much of it that I ought to hire a small skip. Or have a jobbing firm take it away. To remove it all using my small trailer would take quite a few trips. Minimum 10km round trips each time. Yet again it comes down to how I value my own time and effort. The timber and plywood in the background can be re-used. I'll probably want some shelter to the west of the carport. To avoid driving rain and snow blowing in.

 12.00 I have opened an App seeking offers to do small jobs. 7 offers in only a few minutes. I have been promised and accepted clearance today. By somebody with lots of jobs completed and high scores for their work record. Their price was slightly below average. They are busy this morning but will contact me later. Now arriving at about 13.00. Two men with a large trailer. Ideal. I offered some free timber to my neighbour but he had no use for it.  

And there it was, gone!

 13.30 They arrived on time and did a perfect job. Great teamwork loading the trailer. Spoke perfect English too. Friendly, great communication. 5 stars all round. It is a relief to be rid of all the junk wood. I can finally get at the gravel too. The wheelbarrow is full of wallpaper and cardboard. That was stored downstairs in the observatory. It got very wet from the leaking dome over the last few years. That can all go into the recycling bin. The job cost me the equivalent of £250 for half an hour's work for two blokes. They have to pay themselves for two hours traveling time plus unloading the trailer.

 15.00 59F/15C. I have collected a washing up bowl full of fallen screws from the ground. It is hot work crouching in the sunshine. There are still a load [20?] of concrete carport anchors buried there. I haven't found a suitable link to use my high lift farmer's jack yet. My sister recommends a strong chain. I tried finding one when I bought it but nobody sells strong chain. I need a rest!

 

  ~o~

11 May 2025

11.05.2025 The elephants in the parking space.

 ~o~

  Sunday 11th 48F/9C. Overcast and windy. Sunshine promised for later. Peaking just below 17C/62F.

 Up at 6.40 after a quiet night. 

 I must stop avoiding the herd of elephants in the parking space! Nobody else is going to tidy up the remains of the observatory. I just can't make my mind up as to what to do with it all. If I throw it into the sunken area beyond it will be simultaneously in and out of the way. 

 It can't be easily buried I ever do get some rubble to make up the level. The builder next door has a load of rubble to be rid of. He tried to deliver it in wet weather and the ground was too soft. No to mention the 100+ meters of reversing down the narrow drive with a heavily loaded trailer. He also had several helpers to unload his trailer at the time.

 Taking all the timber to the recycling yard would be tedious and very time consuming. Despite its initial cost I don't place any real value on this timber. It has served its purpose and owes me nothing but the memories of its creation and construction. It's years of use and eventual [controlled] downfall. I could build benches in the workshops but to what purpose? I have completely lost interest in my lifetime of countless projects. Using it for firewood limits it to bulky kindling. Unless I start splitting it with an axe. 

 All the most obvious options seriously question how I value my time. I now pick and choose what to do with my days mostly on a whim. With some bias on appearances, essentials and my mood. I am spoilt rotten for choice. I have no pressing economic worries. The house is paid for. More by default than anything else. The mortgage had simply reached its natural end. 

 I have a fun vintage car or e-bike to escape to the pretty and quiet, rural lanes. Or to go shopping in the towns and cities. The very isolation, on the end of a long rural drive, places no great pressure on me to make the place look smart. Which would be difficult to achieve without external, skilled help now. For which I have absolutely no desire. The employment of tradesmen to upgrade the electricity, plumbing and drainage has been a costly but essential exercise. Albeit one I could afford. Spending money is now a state of mind. After a lifetime of being careful.

 My near obsession with displaying my late wife's collection of china and glass has not been particularly rewarding. I went to great lengths to find suitable display cases. More time on fitting them with modern LED lighting. Then arranging the contents with my usual, clumsy haphazard haste. This project was completed just as the days and evenings became lighter. With an amazingly dry and sunny spring. The cabinets had no real need of lighting. 

 They were almost magical once completed. Until they became multiple shrines to my late wife. As if to ward off the pangs of guilt that she never enjoyed such displays. Most of her vast collections was wrapped in newspaper. Then hidden away in stacks of cardboard boxes.

 Then came the dull realization that it was largely her own fault. For hoarding unwanted and completely unnecessary furniture. Flatly refusing to allow any thinning out. Which also made it impossible to redecorate or further repair our shared rural hovel. Which we bought in haste on our arrival in Denmark. For reasons I will not go into here.

 I am still deeply depressed by her absence after 55 years of marriage. Though I am functioning well enough on the surface. I am constantly reminded of her. I have a bottomless pit of memories to dredge. The pain of her loss has slowly subsided. Or at least has become more distant. Yet still fills my nights [and days] with flashbacks. 

 Nothing I do to display her things has really helped. I even feel guilty at having achieved so much on my own. Her parting left me free to make the improvements denied to us both for so long. I still hate going upstairs. Where we spent so much of our time. Surrounded in the chaos of storage of items which rarely ever saw the light of day.

 I had my Hifi and all the construction projects to enhance it. Only to go deaf. A series of TVs was watched across the upstairs landing. Mostly by my wife. As I provided UK TV visa an assortment of ever larger dishes. I was never a TV watcher. Though we enjoyed weekly films at the weekend. First by hired VHS and later DVDs and Blue Ray disks. 

 I spent my indoor, waking hours on the computer. Blogging or contributing to online forums. Later there was YouTube and Netflix streaming. There was always plenty for her to watch. While my hours were consumed in cycling, astronomy or building some project or other. 

 I readily admit I like the new freedom from being nagged. To attempt the near impossible under impossible conditions. With only narrow paths between the lifetime collections. There was always poor access. I could not talk my wife into upgrading anything. 

 When I was finally left to my own devices I got rid of an unbelievable quantity of stuff. Every item leaving me with pangs of guilt. The sense of disloyalty at the disposal of Her things. As if every item that I donated to charity. Or dumped at the recycling yards. Was deliberately distancing myself from Her. 

 So that handling anything connected to her brought painful emotions. I was torn between keeping and discarding everything she had touched. The problem was always the multiplicity of things. The airing cupboard stuffed [neatly] full of bedding which was never, ever used. The cupboards full of household items. The dozens of cheerfully coloured, plastic buckets.

 The three wardrobes worth of smart clothes she had never worn. Not once. Not ever. We never went anywhere socially. Not ever. Our restaurant visits or the cinema were once only event in a whole half century. We would go to real ale pubs in our relative youth. That was about it. For years she would dress smartly but casually for our countless strips to charity shops. At home she went around in holey rags for years. Never wanted to go out for the last few years.

 8.00 Time for my morning walk. The habit is deeply ingrained. Got to stay fit. Though working in the garden is probably more beneficial physically. It doesn't have the therapeutic, psychological benefits of escape.

 8.50 And back again. Surrounded by birdsong at every step. Until the empty silence of the open fields. The sun arrived to take the chill off the easterly wind. I wandered about in the garden on my return. Admiring my handiwork in taming the brambles. While desperately looking for a place to stash multiple ladders and stepladders. 

 "Out of sight, out of mind" is not really the proper term for dealing with my rural isolation. My one, or two visitors per year, place absolutely no pressure on my keeping up appearances. Otherwise the hideous mess of jumbled timber would be gone already! Shame is strictly a matter of discovery. I do make a serious effort indoors on expectation of a visitor. More of a shameful catching up. Than true Spring Cleaning!

 Three years after her loss I have absolutely no desire to replace my wife. The idea of a new companion, girlfriend or [god forbid] lover is repulsive to me. I have no need, nor any desire, at all, to share my open space and remaining years. There is no fantasy figure hovering at the back of my mind as a possible substitute. Though I might be tempted by a self-loading, washing-up machine. Some time down the road to AI/robotics heaven I would imagine. If it can double as a robot mower then all the better. 

 I have just enough of a social life for comfort. I was always a loner. My deafness in noisy company and limited skills at Danish. Inhibit further interest in mixing more widely. There is no way in hell I would invite anybody home in its present state. Both inside and out. 

 9.50 10.00 Morning coffee and wittering over. I am going to have a look at that waste timber. Let's start with the ladders. Which are in the way of my making any serious progress. It doesn't matter where they go. As long as it's not there.

 11.00 60F/15.6C. Warm sunshine. An hour spent and I am knackered and dripping with sweat. I haven't touched any wood yet. Just moved the ladders and veranda fencing out of the way. Then collected all the metalwork from the observatory. The industrial quality, rotation rollers and the parts for the massive, equatorial mounting, trailer pilot wheels for trolleys, etc.  

 12.00 Now add breathless to the list. I had better have a rest before lunch. 

 I have moved all the plywood to a single heap. Now metric 8'x4' and waist high. Mostly grooved, cladding plywood. I must be aging. Dragging the full sheets on edge along the ground was very hard work! The grippy, rubber coated gloves always help. The west facing shed wall is now clear. 

 There was a lot of plywood stacked on edge between the buildings. It has bowed over the intervening years but I had no choice back then. There was nowhere to put anything. The entire area to the west of the buildings was sunken. Densely covered in saplings, bushes and trees. 

 I have felled all these unwanted trees, shrubs and the massive dolobrata hedge. Then brought up the ground level with self compacting gravel. Still lots to do if it is to be the same level throughout. 

 This will provide plenty of casual parking on level ground for the future. As well as space for the carport. I haven't touched the heap of gravel for ages. It is as solid as a rock now. There is no room for a lorry to deliver more until the timber has gone. A skid steer, mini bucket loader would be incredibly useful. 

 15.20 Having another go. 

 16.00 61F/16C. Back in again. I have sorted the terrace boards from the construction timber. The boards are stacked untidily against the workshop. I don't think any of it is really worth saving. It is planed larch and cost quite a lot. None of the stainless steel Torx screws would undo. So every board had to be broken free from the joists with a large crowbar. Leaving all the screws sticking out at odd angles.


 Then I made a stack at the front for the recycling yard. Mostly lengths of timber which cannot be separated. Or so heavily festooned with screws. As to make it worthless. Not without time consuming effort. 

 Lots of clean lengths of timber were thrown to the back out of sight. For further sorting into nominal sizes. I am not sure the untidy heap looks much different. There is another heap trapped under a plywood wall panel at centre. Which I am now too tired to clear today.

 Dinner was chicken, mushrooms, peas, boiled potatoes and proper gravy.

 

  ~o~

10 May 2025

10.05.2025 A bit more gardening.

 ~o~

  Saturday 10th 47F/8.3C. Overcast. Early cloud should clear to some sunshine.

  Up at 7am after visiting the fire bucket every hour on the hour. 

  I shall be riding to a shopping village about 10-12km away. They have two supermarkets which I don't have locally. First ride with my new flat shoes. I wish they were lighter. My Sorel, lightweight, walking boots weigh only 487g each. 

 I would usually choose my flimsy trainers for increased cadence. [Higher pedaling rpm.] Provided conditions were suitable. The trainers were too cold for cold weather. At 531g I will get more stiffness in the soles from the Scott Alps. We shall soon see what this change brings. 

 8.15. Time for a walk. I'll wear the new shoes to get a better feel for them. The car is dripping with dew. So it won't be very warm yet. We should see 17C/62F after lunch.

 8.50 Back from my walk to the lanes. The new shoes were fine. Some slight sense of lumpiness to the soles. Soon ignored. I was too warm in a jumper and fleece jacket. While my hands were too cold. The jacket came off for the return journey. The sun broke through though remained veiled at times.

 Every tree seemed inhabited by an excited warbler. I saw several moving about. While blackbirds measured their tones as a constant background chorus. Explosive power from wood pigeons. As they applauded their own speed and fast reactions with hard beating wings. 

 I saw the same bird of prey as earlier in the week. Almost all white above and below. Dark wingtips and a long tail. A harrier of some kind? It was too far off today to see much detail. It is in the image above somewhere. The oil seed rape blossom is just beginning to go over. A solitary swallow banked steeply for another run. Out, across the prairie.

 9.00 I'll have morning coffee and then tootle off on the e-bike.  

 10.00 Plants watered. Finally ready. 

 12.00 Back from my shopping trip. Only 26km. Shoes okay. Perhaps a little warm. My feet always found the pedals naturally and felt secure. I was able to spin up to the mid 90s rpm. Though my average cadence is in the low 80s these days. I didn't notice the shoes while I was walking around the shops. Though there is plenty of grip from the soft rubber. 

14.45 I have been out in the garden. Working in the shade of the towering trees. Removing the last of the brambles down by the old pond. There were trailing runners over 5m long. Mixed amongst them is a shrub with similar leaves. Though white underneath. Light fawn, arching, woody stems. No thorns.

 My wife was always planting something. It may be a fruit bush escapee for all I know. Though I thought they were usually thorny. Her gooseberries behind the observatory are vicious! 

 Good guess? Google Lens says it's a red raspberry. I'll leave them to do their thing. The scrambling Yews are still going strong. Spreading along the western boundary and exploring outwards at their feet.

 Vinca Minor still covering the ground after 29 years of shade. Mixed in with pretty Archangel in yellow flower. A Red oak has self seeded. Or grown from a discarded acorn or pot. It won't do any harm there. Being fastigiate they don't take up much room.

 I am repeatedly raking the ground around the Horse chestnut tree stump. To remove the remaining woody stuff, bark and bramble stems.  The heap is fast approaching trailer sized! 

 I am hoping the grass will spread to this whole area for easier maintenance with the mower. The mower doesn't like running over hard stuff. Perhaps I should buy some lawn seed. 

16.30 I pottered about pulling weeds until it was time to take a break. It has clouded over.  

 Dinner was a bit frivolous. Two fried eggs on cheese on toast. I broke one egg trying to turn it over. So I left them in peace.

After dinner I had to catch up on the washing up.



  ~o~