25 May 2019

25th May 2019 The hedge from Hell!


Saturday 51F, a grey, calm start. A walk to the lanes in light traffic and gorgeous, spring countryside. Nearly witnessed a classic head-on crash on a sharp corner.

The lazy driver on the inside of the corner let their car swing well over the double white lines on the exit. While the oncoming car on the outside was very typically cutting the corner by over a yard inside the double white lines.

A view between rough-cut, field hedges to the distant sea.

A shriek and scrub of tyres and they both continued on their way as if nothing had happened. The vast huge majority of drivers  in Denmark treat every single corner exactly this way, despite the double white lines.

So one must assume that such road markings do not feature in the compulsory driving lessons required to obtain their "Joke Shop " driving licenses. I have seen driving instructors, when alone in the car and even some police cars behave just the same on corners. Buses, lorries, vans and motorcyclist all follow the same potentially lethal  pattern of behaviour.

The trees and hedgerows were full of birds and flowers again. Long swathes of poplar catkins were lying along the road like dirty slush in winter. I saw two hares resting, almost invisibly, in spray tracks in two roadside fields. The image shows the more distant one which held its ground long enough for a 'snap.'

Spent the day reducing our shared, 20' hedges by about six feet. None of our neighbours has ever shown any interest in helping to keep the boundary hedges under control. They are a mixture of Hawthorn and equally prickly plum trees which we call Blackthorn. By which I mean the hedge trees. Not the neighbours.

Our Blackthorns are not the usual sloes but produce small, sharp, yellow plums and have lots of vicious, needle-sharp thorns. The tree trunks are very hard wood which resists even a brand new blade in a hand, bow saw. Only a chainsaw has the cutting power and stamina necessary to make much progress on the larger sections.

We inherited this hedge as mature trees which had been cut down to above head height prior to our purchase of our scruffy, rural hovel. The Head Gardener has considerably thickened out the mass with new cuttings. While I have expended countless hours cutting back these hedges to various heights over the years. A thankless task given its great depth and height.

I have always been denied my desire to cut the heavy trunks right down to the ground. To start again with THG's much slimmer and more manageable additions. Some of the multiple trunks have amalgamated into massive clumps nearly 3' in diameter. Their heavier branches fix the minimum depth of the hedge as it grows ever wider, higher and tattier. So I end another day literally aching all over from yet more hard exercise. It's not just using the loppers at arm's length but constantly moving the 15' ladders around. Just to reach the offending overgrowth.

Sunday 26th 51F, wet and windy with a heavy overcast. The official "seaweed grapplers" both claim rain and sunny periods. With rain on the windows, both front and back, there will be no early walk this morning. Late morning walk instead trying to capture all the wild Hawthorn flowers under a grey sky.

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23 May 2019

23rd May 2019 Xi's CFC chemical warfare.


Thursday 23rd 51F, cool, bright, a bit cloudy and rather breezy. I am aching all over from a spot of DIY involving hours of lying on my side, for two days, working under a low overhang.  "Swab, please, Nurse?" Jack of all trades... good at none.

Walked to the lanes in breezy sunshine. The farmer was spraying a field beside the road but the wind was [hopefully] carrying any overspray away from me.

The health news is that many cancers are related to a poor diet. High in red meat, highly processed "foods" and sugar [soda] but low in grains, fibre, fruit and vegetables. So now you really can can officially ask for a supersized Cancer bun and a Lethal sugar bomb drink, to go. There's a joke about blast radius in there somewhere but I won't push it.

Meanwhile, Emperor Xi, the World's richest man, by an order of magnitude and under whom nothing happens without his getting his cut: Is profiting from ozone-destroying CFCs. This, despite a global ban. A sunny day but rather windy. Peaking at 65F. I was excused a shopping ride on medical grounds. [Aka: Still aching all over.]

Friday 24th 53F, bright and sunny start but windy and some cloud around again. Due to deepening wriggles in the jet stream, thanks to a very much warmer Arctic, Denmark's average temperature has already risen by 1.5°. Given the low lying nature of Denmark, coastal flooding is extremely likely. A lot of coastal homes are already at or below present sea levels. "Get your Wellies here! Lovely Wellies!"

Fortunately, Denmark is building lots of cloudburst storage ponds. So that's alright then. Don't get me wrong. They make excellent wildlife habitats and beautify the villages and countrysides. The sheer number of these ponds being dug and naturally planted, suggests a gloom and doom prediction for future weather. They seem to be springing up, or rather down, everywhere I go.

A longer walk, clockwise up to the woods. Past the oaks, the field maples and on through, or rather under, the now densely dressed beeches. Then back down to the road via the steep track with fine views out over the local countryside. An afternoon tootle on the trike into spitting rain under a grey sky. It rained properly on the way back! Only 7 miles.

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20 May 2019

20th May 2019 Pardon?


Monday 20th 61-70F, calm, quite warm with a bright overcast.  Blue patches leading to occasional, weak sunshine. Walked to the lanes. Paused several times to watch gangs of swallows swooping around buildings. A chevron of 50-60 geese went over heading east.

The crops are maturing. They use stalk shortening technology so the fields are quite amazingly smooth topped. Knee-high crops are supposed to avoid weather damage. I like the odd mixture of mechanical texture laid out on the rolling landscape. The oil seed rape flowers are going quickly now. There one day and gone the next. It reached 70F in a sunny afternoon.

Tuesday 21st 59F, overcast and breezy. Rain is forecast for this morning. There was a 40mm cloudburst in the east. Had to go to the city to buy "stuff" no longer available locally.

Wednesday 22nd 50F, overcast, windy and damp. Spots of rain as I walked to the lanes. I jumped onto the verge whenever a lorry came past. It saved me getting a soaking from tyre spray and usually produces a wave of thanks from the driver. The warblers were competing with the chaffinches for attention above the traffic noise.

Talking of which: Democratic Denmark is having a public demonstration and consultation of the new F35 fighters today at and around their airbase. With the last crop of elderly fighters flying at intervals to compare noise levels during normal taxing and take-off manoeuvrers. Which is a brilliant idea IMO. The affected public in the nearby villages were even consulted about where to put microphones to monitor actual noise levels. Anonymity was guaranteed for those reporting their experiences of noise levels.

We used to live in rural Wales and were frequently overflown by warplanes of every variety. Which were often banked over on their sides as we stared up at the pilots and the rivets on the planes as they roared overhead. Four Hercules transports at a time, with their wing tips pointing straight down at us only 100 feet below was quite normal. The price of living quite isolated, rural detached.

Now we can watch YT videos of the latest planes on their training flights in exactly the same area. Much like farming, I am interested in the technological aspects of warplanes. There is no question that they are impressive machines and often very beautiful in their own way. I just wish they didn't have to drown out all conversation while the pilots practice their remarkable skills for hours on end.  You couldn't pay me enough to make me live in a palace in London. Or near any other busy major airport.

Noise is highly subjective. The wrong music and the wrong noise can be extremely irritating. We both hate the roar of tyre noise from our nearest road. At the same time it is very popular with motorcyclists due to its twisting and humped nature. The sound of  a convoy of dozens of high performance motorbikes "having fun" is exhilarating and often makes us smile. While the roar of planes overhead soon wears thin. As does the racket from a solitary moped, with a noisy exhaust, crawling along at 15mph! Don't even get me started on motor lawnmowers!

And chainsaws? Abusers should be given automatic, life imprisonment as a deterrent! They are not even necessary any more with excellent and powerful electric [battery] chainsaws available now. For those sawing firewood allรฆ day long ion a village or hamlet there is n o longer any excuse. Nor is a chainsaw the best tool for dismantling pallets for firewood.

It rained lightly for most of the day and only cleared up in the early evening. 

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16 May 2019

15th May 2019 Spring is here! [There and everywhere.]


Wednesday 15th 44-57?F, a sunny start with a breeze. The politicooze must have been reading my blog. One of them wants to end the lifelong pension system for the self-serving, mutually-parasitic, musical chairs artistes. I'm amazed that mutually-parasitic, political media persons don't qualify for the same lifelong pension as well.

We must all pray we don't live long enough to rely on one bath a month with the aid of the <cough> social services. As the talking heads auto-promise [on auto-cue] to spend billions they don't have and never will have.

Odd that, considering many parties have had nearly a century to practice what they preach at each and every election [worldwide.] Supersize me on the bullshit snake oil. You want fries or empty promises with that? I had to buy more grow bags. So shopped in the car again. Wot a hypocrite! ๐Ÿ‘ผ

Thursday 16th 51F, sunny start but breezy. Cloud expected. A walk to the lanes to snap away at the gorgeous countryside with my camera. It is looking its best with fresh green leaves and crops with countless flowers adorning the hedgerows. There are birds everywhere. I managed to take 45 pictures before it became fully overcast.

A hare popped out into the road and sat there waiting for me to get closer. Then dashed away along the lane until it came face to face with a cat sitting in the road. With lightning speed the hare decided I was less of  danger and raced back towards me. Before taking a sharp left and vanishing back into the crop. You wouldn't believe the excitement you can have living in the countryside.

A mature lady came cycling down the hill with her faithful dog jogging effortlessly alongside on a lead. I only see them once in a while, in different places, but she must cycle some distance. I never saw dogs running beside bicycles until I came to Denmark. We once saw a mutt riding a scooter at high speed with a dog racing frantically alongside on a short lead. Unfortunately the mutt did not crash. So probably went on to breed and produce more sickly mongrels like himself.

Talking of wasters. I see St.Margrethe Vestager [blessed be Her name] is aiming for the top post in the EU as one of the crap, tin-pot dictators and career politicoozer retires. So there may well be hope for the EU after all. It's a shame she wasn't around before the retiree drove Gravely Blighted into the Brexit lunacy cycle!

Friday 17th 50-52F, overcast, breezy. A bank holiday with all the shops closed. It rained. Walked to the lanes. A bird of prey flew slowly through our garden lower than the trees. Possibly a goshawk due to the "pointy" wings.

Saturday 18th 50-66F, overcast, light wind. Enjoyed a walk to the lanes to be treated to a flying display by a Red kite. It was obviously searching for breakfast as it worked its way upwind. With occasional flare outs which carried it several yards backwards when it spotted something. It showed amazing acrobatics as it turned sharply from side to side. It was quite close at first and then only within reach of my binoculars as it headed uphill into the increasing mist.

At one point the mist was thick enough to be visible as low clouds drifting against the dark crops. It all arrived rather suddenly. Spreading across the landscape to obscure the woods and copses. The mist soon cleared to sunshine later on. So I went for a shopping ride. Crosswind going both ways. Only 12 miles. I was undressing at each chance I got. Ending up in just a racing jersey and shorts. The jacket, cardigan, cap and gloves all went into the 40 litre, Overboard, duffel/saddle bag. Fortunately I had taken the fingerless mitts with me.

Sunday 19th 55-67F, overcast and breezy. Another warm day is promised but probably no sun until this afternoon. It took a long time to arrive but eventually became warm and sunny.

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13 May 2019

13th May 2019 A sprung spring sprang.


Monday 13th 47-59F,  rather windy but sunny start becoming cloudy. Walked to the lanes. Bright "horses" raced across the fields in the cold wind. Danish media has been showing pictures of brown clouds blowing off the fields due to very dry soil.

The politicooze thought it would draw attention to their desperate election hopes if they travelled by steam train to sell their snake oil. They managed to start at least 10 wildfires! ๐Ÿ˜ Well, they say no publicity is bad publicity!

Tuesday 14th 46-55F, it started sunny but then steadily clouded over as I returned from the woods. The explosion in insects marks the arrival of the warblers. I heard three and saw two. Lots of birds in the woods as I circled via heavily overgrown fire breaks. My boots were thickly covered in pollen by the time I arrived home. The crops are in seed and all shiny, soft and fluffy.

I had to fetch a load of grow bags so shopped from the car. Only two normally stocked items were not stocked today. I read, what now seems like decades ago, about supermarkets having a perfect ordering system thanks to computer monitoring of sales and automatic e-ordering. Not here they don't! You can never [ever] rely on getting bread, organic milk, tomatoes or lettuce.

What a damned shame "they" only ordered pre-pubescent staff. To keep the whole blรธรธdy shambles rumbling along to bring in the billions to the absent billionaire owners. As they compare the size of their super-yachts, the size of their garages full of luxury cars and the acreage of modern dabs on the gilded and marble walls of their sprawling, tasteless mansions. It will be a blue moon before Bozo pays his staff properly and treats them like human beings. Oh the irony!

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10 May 2019

10th May 2019 A martyr to Equinilibrium!


Friday 10th 51F-ish, rather cloudy with overnight rain. A very rare visit from "A Company Technician." Having the chimney sweep call in the same year is almost "a rave" in terms of our social calendar.  Drove to the city later [again.] Well, you have to sometimes, don't you? Our first new TV in 15 years was a dud.


Having the company technician call to confirm our worst fears as [quote] "perfectly normal" was enough whitewashing for any averagely cynical couple of our age group. Back it went with as much haste as I could muster from our ancient car when towing an equally ancient chariot trailer. If  they were any older I'd have to drive against the traffic. With a man carrying a red flag up front.

Returning stuff in Gravely Blighted is fraught with fear and trepidation. They've had hundreds of years to practice their "You've used it" in a vicious and demented, low bellow designed to embarrass you enough to go away. Having Local Trading Standards Officers covering your back doesn't help one iota. You are automatically guilty for having bought the shop's crap in the first place. Guilty by association!

I nearly caused a severe case of Equinilibrium today amongst the local, Viking ponies. They thought I was carrying food when it was only a rolled up, advertising newspaper. You should have seen the look of disappointment on their faces! Anyone would have thought I'd beaten them with it! I quite like ponies. But I couldn't eat a whole one.

A miffed, Viking pony planning invasion in revenge for a 1000-year old misunderstanding.

The latest climate news is the Danish government is entirely responsible for allowing the world's CO2 to pass the tipping point. They keep allowing low lying swamp to be grassed for grazing. With dire results on CO2 slippage. I shall be holding them to account at the coming election. In fact I may well be chanting [bare breasted of course] outside the local polling station. Why "station?" They haven't seen a train around here since the '50s.

I'm quite torn between the immediacy of a hand painted placard. Or something almost legible from our ancient [diesel-pooter] printer. Having to use Giggle to translate my treasonous thoughts from West Country Gravely to Pidgin Danish might be a mistake.

I daren't ask for advice from any of the locals. Not after that newspaper & pony express incident. I get enough weird  looks already! That's the problem with being the only Tricyklist in the village. Trehjuletcykelrytter doesn't quite trip off the tongue like the more familiar English term. Perhaps that's why I'm so slow?

Saturday 11th 34-63F calm with a white frost on the grass, but sunny and warming quite quickly. Some fluffy clouds but should be a pleasant day. A pleasant walk to the village. The farmer came around spraying outside our hedge in the early afternoon. With the sound of kids playing in local gardens it was timed to perfection.

Sunday 12th 45F, sunny and windy with fast moving cloud from the west. Walked to the lanes. The wind was so cold I should have worn gloves and a thicker jumper.

The Swedish climate activist and part time schoolgirl, Greta Thunderbug, is actually being allowed into Denmark. I expect the climate denialists amongst the ruling politicooze hoped to ban her on some technicality, or other. But the election is underway and there are a lot of desperate gravy train riders facing an imminent, lifelong pension.

Pretending to be mildly interested in climate change for a few seconds on local TV might just swing the odds amongst the swingers.The wanted posters are going up all over the place but I am unsure where, or how, one claims the reward for capturing any of these desperadoes. I missed the lesson on becoming a bounty hunter.

A ride to the shop is planned but don't get overexcited. It will not be of any great length.  

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9 May 2019

9th May 2019 Abandon Hope.. 2.


Thursday 9th 50F, misty, dead calm with a heavy overcast and light overnight rain. A walk to the lanes. After weeks of  my selflessly kicking branches and twigs back onto the verge from the hedge slashers. Now the lawnmowers have been along and pushed them all back onto the road! I'll have to start all over again while dodging the sociopathic commuters.

Toxic landscape.

The really big news is that useless plastic waste may soon be converted into a useful form in an acid bath. The resulting material can be fully recycled and reformed into new and useful plastics with a wide variety of uses. A new chemical industry, valued at trillions, may even save a whale or two from a painful death.

Meanwhile the politicooze have their mouths open even wider than usual. It must be another election to the gravy train! The empty promises are already falling like mud slides. The village high street was already defaced by their ugly mugshots on wanted posters on the very same day it was announced. 

Have you ever tried watching a parliamentary debate with the sound off? I highly recommend it. The same lies and empty promises hurled around like raging apes at the zoo.

Another toxic landscape.

Except that you can't tell which party is which. So whether they claim to represent your own biased opinions, or their own, no longer matters. They claim they serve their country. Aren't public servants supposed to serve ALL of the people?

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8 May 2019

8th May 2019 Abandon hope..


Wednesday 8th 41-46F, dark overcast and a light breeze. Some sun is threatened depending on your loyalties to which Danish forecast service. There was no mention from either about yesterday's hail and rain.

The Prime Minister of Denmark has announced another round of musical chairs to gain a free pass to the life-long [1st Class] gravy train.

The violent lurch to the extreme right is bound to continue. Even the extreme right is trying to distance itself from the ultra right. Probably in the vain hope of saving a few of their sitting members in the present government coalition from getting an early pension. Something they would cheerfully deny to the most work-crippled, lifelong manual worker. Who will be expected to suffer for years more to pay for early retirement for Denmark's crooked bankers.

Since "The Powers That Be" couldn't find a way of ridding themselves of the big city ghettoes in smart, modern blocks of flats, they have decided to simply demolish them. Which means there won't be so many would-be competitors at the next Winter Olympics.

Qualifiers are expected to fall heavily in Precision Stoning of the Police and Fire Brigade events. The Team and Individual Arson disciplines in large, fully occupied blocks of flats [apartments] are also bound to suffer a loss of qualified representatives.  

Meanwhile thousands of private homes are expected to be demolished due to pitiful building standards in the 70s and 80s. No damp courses and stuffed to the rafters with toxic chipboard it seems.  Not to mention the thousands more homes which will have to be erased from the Danish landscape around Chumpy's F35 intolerably noisy air bases. Talking of which: They're back! I must find that tripod for the SPL meter. So I can get some max SPL data to share with you all.  ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ™‰

One might hope all this land clearance would lead to public or even country parks. Or even a few public footpaths. But the farmers are bound to get the freed-up land for peanuts. There is enormous demand to grow even more toxic crops and poison even more drinking water resources to satisfy insatiable EU demands.

Basically it's a race between lowly Denmark being submerged by rising sea levels. Or desertification as the farmer's shadeless prairies bake into dust bowls under the onslaught of endless droughts. Like last year's and the beginning of this one. Only a couple of weeks ago there was a brown fog swirling over every field.

A walk to the lanes with cold hands in the light breeze. It is an extremely floriferous year. Even the oil seed rape is going crackers in the flowering department. I saw a single slug on the road today. The mass invasion of killer slugs seems to be over for the moment. Whether their new territory proved too toxic for them. Or they could not survive the drought, is unknown. In previous years there were billions in a filthy tide mark along both edges of every road. The gardens had buckets full per square meter.

Several European countries have suggested 25% of the EU budget should be spent on fighting climate change. The rest of them want to continue paying out for the car parks of non-tax paying, dodgy multi-nationals claiming their tarmac is agricultural land so they can claim a nice, big, fat subsidy. The other half is going to more multinational crooks building motorways to nowhere using slave labour but claiming sky high wage levels. The profits are being channelled through European Banks who need the money to stay afloat against the costs of insuring against rising sea levels.

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6 May 2019

6th May 2019 TZ7 dust bunny eradication.


Monday 6th 40-51F, bright sunshine, a bit breezy with fast moving white clouds. Walked to lanes with eyes watering and my hands stuffed deep into my jacket pockets. It keeps becoming overcast with very light showers. There are Chaffinches singing or calling everywhere I go. It became increasingly windy and there were hale showers in the afternoon.

Tuesday 7th 42-51F, bright start but increasingly cloudy. A chilly wind as I walked around the rural block with detours. Probably about four miles altogether. The woods were looking well as they come into leaf. Each tree in their own time. Lots of birds about. Including a pair of brown birds of prey with long tails. Took 41 pictures this morning so should have enough for at least a couple of days.

I just cleaned my TZ7 camera sensor of dust [again.] The dust was projecting a darker blob onto every image I captured. There are numerous YT videos on cleaning the sensor on Panasonic Lumix TZ series cameras. Some videos are much better than others. Some are complete waste of everybody's time! I really wouldn't try dismantling these cameras without watching at least one video first.

Spot the difference?

You'll want a very fine cross-head screwdriver sized "0000" and a pair of long nosed tweezers. Don't work over a carpet! Keep the tiny screws in a shallow container where you can pick and place them with the tweezers. The screws on the TZ7 are all the same size except for the three inside which hold the sensor plate in place.

Each of the TZ series is different. So do your homework properly first before even considering dismantling! How else will you discover how to release the ribbon cables?

Afternoon shopping ride in a cold wind. Tailwind going. Headwind coming home. My NW MTB shoes were hurting my feet for some reason. I have only just changed from my NW winter MTB boots. These "summer shoes" have tricycled literally tens of thousands of miles with me in them. I'll just have to try loosening the straps to see if that helps. With my present low mileage it would be a waste of money buying new cycling shoes now. The NW shoes have a wider last than Shimano and Specialized. I tried both makes but couldn't wear them for long. Only 7 miles.

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4 May 2019

3rd May 2019 leevin the trash be-hind, innit?


Friday 3rd 41-49F,  bright at first but with a cool wind. Walked to the lanes. Heavy shopping in the car. Rain and hail in the afternoon.

Saturday 4th 36-48F, cool but bright, breezy, cloudy and sunny. Overnight ice has slid off the house roof and frozen fast to the roof of the greenhouse. The forecast is for sunshine. Or only a little sunshine and rain. Take your pick from these two highly competitive, expert, Danish, weather services.

I'm a tree!

Walked to the lane against a cold wind under a grey sky. A Marsh Harrier[?] took off from beside the road and soared low on the wind just ahead of me. As it peered intently downwards in the hope of breakfast. It soon crossed to the field opposite just as I tried to capture it with my camera. Tilting this way and that with stiff, but narrow wings as it worked its away across the next, vast prairie. Too small for a Red kite but both birds are quite similarly marked. Sorry about the poor image.

Meanwhile: A <koff> heddmasta headmaster [and I use the term loosely] in leaderless, gravely blighted claims his skool skowl schoole dunt tollerete alow bool bullying. wot a lier lejer liar, eh?! It seems a now, world famously awarded young lady set standards far too high for His <cough> sckoole and its trashy pupils and staff.

The headmaster has been placed on the [years-long] waiting list for help with his chronic delusions of grandeur and denial of reality. I'm afraid early retirement is out of the question because his sickness is still so prevalent, amongst this sort of trash in education. Most UK schools would have to close through lack of <cough> leadership if they had a good clear out. Meanwhile the brave young lady has moved onto another school. Much further away from the trash she safely left behind.

Rumours that the staff held a lavish celebratory party at a 5-star restaurant before moving onto expensive, strip night clubs, entirely at taxpayer's expense, have been downplayed by the lokal edjikashun 'thority. Why do they call these corrupt, self-serving institutions "authorities" when that is the one thing they always lack?

It is reported that pupils waiting outside the perpetually closed, school gates are all hoping, forlornly, for a useful education in self defence against bullies and [perhaps] sum learnin' for working down [sic] at Amazons or McLardy's. [If they're very lucky!]

Rather than getting the official, fast track lesson on how to protect your drug sales turf with knife and gun crime. Or, model, street gang organisation for higher achieving sociopaths. Accounting for self-employed, protection racket operators? The latest movement in expressionist graffiti [in oils] for those of an artistic bent but seriously, educationally challenged. There must be something on the curriculum they like?

While those going onto higher education will fully expect a course [with one-on-one tutorials] in advanced sex trafficking. Or the personal customisation of stolen, luxury cars for pimps, gangsters, estate agents and modern slave drivers. I hear it's nice work if you can get it. ๐Ÿ˜Ž

Sunday 5th 36-53F, bright and breezy with sunny periods. White frost on the grass again. Walked to the lanes against the cold wind. A teenage girl was walking towards me in the far distance. On a deserted rural lane I hope my own presence didn't make her feel uncomfortable. She turned off before our paths met but it was an exceedingly rare event to see anyone else out walking on my morning stroll.

A hare popped out from behind the hedge only yards away and instantly thought better of it. Meanwhile swallows were charging about enthusiastically in increasing numbers. Skimming low over the dark green crops they catch the sun in bright flashes of their white undersides as they twist and turn. Gulls too often flash brightly in the sunlight against a darkened sky. Busy all day at home.

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2nd May 201 Dumbing down the Tesla AI.


Thursday 2nd 45-56F, windy, heavy overcast with the threat of some sunshine or none at all. Or some rain or none at all. There are now four, new, previously unknown and different pesticides to be found in many Danish, deep bore, drinking water wells. It seems as if nobody thought to test for them. So they didn't exist.

Walked to the village and back in a gusty wind. My cap blew off as a huge lorry passed. I was careful not to be distracted as I retrieved it. So avoided being run over by a closely following car.

Well, they had to follow the lorry closely, didn't they? Just in case there was a new and unexpected break in the 3 miles of completely unbroken double white lines. On this endlessly twisting and humped, rural road. Where most corners are completely blind. With oncoming traffic always driving on the wrong side of the road.

I've just had a horrible thought. Tesla is going to have to teach its auto pilot to cut across every double white line on half of the corners and overshoot on all the rest. Randomly crossing double white lines along the straights and always exceeding the speed limit will be very helpful too if they really want to fit in.

Otherwise the Danes will shun these cars as failing to grovel to Jante's Law. However, given the present doubling of the purchase price through Danish import charges. [To pay for the shiny new fleet of Chumpy's loud-mouthed F35s.] Not to mention the compulsory demolition [without compensation] of thousands of homes around the noisy airfields. Teslas are very unlikely to sell many cars anyway. Phew, that's a relief! We don't want any of these cars causing panic and confusion. It would be like aliens landing and then trying to drive without a clue as to how to do it badly enough.

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1 May 2019

1st May 2019 Peace and Quiet of the Danish countryside?


Wednesday 1st May 47F, light breeze with dark overcast. Just a walk to the lanes. The cold wind which had picked up made it feel rather unpleasant.

I wonder whether we will be treated to more hours of jet fighters playing silly buggers over the inhabited Danish landscape. I repeatedly measured 80-82dB[A] relative to a measured 50dB[A] background noise in the garden of our rural hovel. With lots of deep bass content from the jets I also measured at dB[C][Slow] meter settings and easily exceeded 85dB[C] on several occasions.

What made me decide to get my SPL meter out was the use of their crackling afterburners as they passed directly overhead on a northerly path. Unfortunately [?] they did not repeat this behaviour once I had my SPL meter outside. So I have no readings for the deafening racket that made. Only average readings from the constant passes overhead. I should have set the meter on a tripod and left it to capture Max reading but hadn't the patience to do so. I kept hoping they would become bored and go away.

There was considerable cloud cover and the jets were flying clearly and visibly just below the obvious cloud base. There were no identifying marks and they appeared only a uniform grey seen through binoculars. Travelling mostly in a clockwise pattern but repeatedly on a south to north path or east to west. I have absolutely no interest nor expertise in identifying particular kinds of jet fighters. They could have been Pootin's finest having a mock dog-fight for all I knew. Though there was never any obvious sign of one jet following anther to simulate combat.

My own guess would be they were deliberately testing the patience and tolerance of the Danes to see if anyone actually complained. This racket went on without a pause from about 10am to 11.20 when we just happened to be working outside in the garden. Their flight pattern would have taken them over much of the inhabited southern and westerly regions of Fyn. With the noise probably heard indoors even over the city of Odense.

It always amuses me to imagine a policeman stopping a car or motorcycle for making excessive and illegal, exhaust noise. Only to have to postpone the conversation for an hour and half. Just to be able to be heard above the constant racket going on overhead. ๐Ÿ™‰

How does this oil seed rape on the verge survive without the constant spraying so vital to whole fields of the stuff? Is it only vulnerable due to monoculture?

Thursday 2nd 45-56F, windy, heavy overcast with the threat of some sunshine or none at all. Or some rain or none at all. There are now four, new, previously unknown and different pesticides to be found in many Danish, deep bore, drinking water wells. It seems as if nobody thought to test for them. So they didn't exist.

Walked to the village and back in a gusty wind. My cap blew off as a huge lorry passed. I was careful not to be distracted as I retrieved it. So avoided being run over by a closely following car. Well, they had to follow the lorry closely, didn't they? Just in case there was a new and unexpected break in the 3 miles of completely unbroken double white lines. On this endlessly twisting and humped, rural road. Where most corners are completely blind. With oncoming traffic always driving on the wrong side of the road.

I've just had a horrible thought. Tesla is going to have to teach its auto pilot to cut across every double white line on left hand corners and overshoot on all the rest. Randomly crossing double white lines along the straights and always exceeding the speed limit  will be very helpful too if they really want to fit in.

Otherwise the Danes will shun these cars as failing to grovel to Jante's Law. Given the present doubling of the purchase price through import charges. [To pay for the shiny new fleet of Chumpy's F35s.] Not to mention the compulsory demolition [without compensation] of thousands of homes around the noisy airfields. Teslas are very unlike to sell many cars anyway. Phew, that's a relief! We don't want any of these cars causing panic and confusion. It would be like aliens landing and then trying to drive without a clue as to how to do it badly enough.

Friday 3rd 41-49F,  bright at first but with a cool wind. Walked to the lanes. Heavy shopping in the car. Rain and hail in the afternoon.

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29 Apr 2019

29th April 2019 Oi! Get off my mowing grass!


Monday 29th 50-58F, grey overcast, light breeze and a bit misty. Walked to the lanes in a chilly breeze. Mist cleared to bright sunshine later. Spent hours tidying the shed.

Tuesday 30th 54-66F, rather cloudy but almost still. Walked across the prairie by the wide, bare, spray tracks and was told off by a gentleman in a smart 4WD. I couldn't get near enough for a proper conversation without wading through tall, wet crops. Which was probably for the best. Arguing in my pidgin Danish is not my strongest suit and I doubt I could convince him of anything.

He was the one who complained about me walking along the rough edges of the marsh. That was on 6+ meter wide, very rough grass, with 4WD tyre tracks. A strip which separates the crops from the wet and heavily overgrown marsh. The moles do far more damage to the grass than I could ever do. The 4WDs don't give a damn about going yards out into the crops. Where the rough track is far too cambered to make safe progress just to feed the ducks for gun fodder.

It would never cross my mind to do any damage [at all] to the crops or anything else. I keep to the bare soil made by their huge machines. The farmers think nothing of making a huge area of completely bare soil where they turn their vast machines on their valuable cops. They think nothing of reversing out into the crops if it suits their immediate purposes. This all helps me to walk the fields with a clear conscience. They obviously don't agree.

The Danes have no rights of way in the countryside like Britain's walkers. Clearly marked public footpaths are as rare as hen's teeth here. I can only think of one and that is 20 miles away! Many woods are free to walk in within certain rules of access and times. Reaching those same woods might be a very difficult if the former small fields have been turned into vast prairies with the loss of historical tracks and paths. Old footpaths often ran along the hedges which separated the much smaller fields of yesteryear.

As each small farmer retired or went broke, with nobody willing or able to afford to take over, then the land went to the big guys. The system was rigged that way by the offspring having to pay for the farm if they wanted to take over. With the poor economics of small farming it was a guarantee of increased holdings for the larger enterprises. The bigger they were, the bigger their machinery. Which soon led to rolling "prairies" and total hedge clearance on all four sides. The forests and copses only seem to be tolerated for their hunting income.

The social contract with farmers seems very one-sided. I may not walk on their wasted and hard compacted bare earth. But they can and have poisoned my drinking water and my air. They can bring the noise of their activities inside my home, around the clock, without invitation. The stench of pig shit can permeate my home for weeks on end and take my breath away in my own garden. But they would have me arrested if I peed in their farm yard.

They have an open license to leave the roads plastered in their mud. But if anyone should lose control and slide off the road, or into another vehicle, then it is the driver's fault. They do it all for profit and taxpayer's subsidies. We have to pay the taxes to provide their subsidies. They can put up huge barns and silos blocking the light to private homes.

Anyone who wants to build next to a farm needs full planning permission and the farmer can easily object. The farmer can raise vast heaps of hay bales near private homes and often do. Causing shade, an eyesore, noise and smell. While the people directly involved may not even venture onto the farmer's land.

I might see one or possibly two other, rural walkers, PER YEAR, on my daily travels. Often I see no other walkers for several years in a row. You never see kids wandering in the Danish countryside like my generation did back in the UK. We lived out of doors in our free time unless it was actually tipping down. Getting us back in for bedtime was hard enough. We walked, played and ran for miles most days and cycled in between. The very few, fat kids back then were force fed sticky sweets by their abusive parents. Distant shopping in the car. It was warm and sunny in the afternoon.

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26 Apr 2019

26th April 2019 Just another Lego brick in the wall!


Friday 26th 55F, overcast with a threat of rain later. With Denmark rapidly becoming a desert we really need every drop! Meanwhile, our hero walked to the lanes in warm, sunshine. The birds are going bonkers and scattering everywhere I go. Denmark is enjoying a record high pollen count. Probably thanks to the constantly dry weather.

In celebration of Head Gardener's Day, here is something completely different: A moveable feast, it recognises the diligence and patience as they tend their seeds and bulbs and bring forth such colour to our lives.

A Danish social researcher has come up with an novel way to explain Jante's Law. [The rigid Scandinavian social rules requiring avoidance of anything leading to the slightest increase in self confidence through the attainment of even the most minor, personal success.] Think Cambodian Communism, writ in grey concrete and you won't too be far wrong.

It seems only the 10% with unusual forenames left Denmark in the Great Escape to North America in the late 19th to early 20th century. She explains this as a clear sign of individualism. Brighter parents would have more imagination and name their children appropriately. Leading to brighter offspring with more open minds than the average Dane. Those left behind would be the staid, rule makers and followers. Timeless Keepers of The Village Mentality until hell freezes over. Rather than breakers of moulds and rockers of their immobile, social inheritance. 

The Vikings who went to Greenland survived unchanged for hundreds of years. Until it suddenly turned much colder. In the meantime they had become completely rigid in their social rules and behaviours. So they simply lay down to die when the crops failed.

Even the grass failed and their habit of constantly expanding their herds was found severely wanting. Nothing has really changed, in this respect, 500 years later. Except that the climate is warming dangerously and unexpectedly this time.

More of the same will just not do. Last year they had to set up an emergency system to share fodder with farmers devoid of any other means of feeding their livestock! Which put them even further in debt in an already debt riddled pastime. The parallels with survival peasant farming on the rocky edge of Greenland are too awful to ignore.

Cold-hearted Jante the Sociopath bit them all on their collective bums. Simply because they could not adapt to change. The native Greenlanders had devised suitable survival clothing and housing and lived on by hunting and fishing. While the Viking, peasant farmers stuck to their fixed fashions and home building styles. So they starved and then froze to death.

There is a wonderful irony that Lego bricks were invented in Denmark. Everything fits together with almost invisible seams. With only colour as a variation on a theme. Though certainly not the uniform colour of their own skin.

The point being that nobody sticks out and only the colour of the trade uniform separates them from the whole. Even when they retire the working classes still cling to their distinctive and easily recognisable, colour-coded, trade overalls. No doubt they are laid to rest in them. So they can carry on the Jante tradition in the afterlife.  ๐Ÿ‘ท

A later morning ride to a more distant village. The Guinness Monopoly Book of Utterly Pointless Records has disallowed an attempt at the Danish Land Speed Record by a silver-grey estate car on my 60kph/40mph route. The driver was not wearing the correct colour socks to establish an official new record despite easily exceeding 100mph.

Later, I was following a car towing a trailer with a ride-on, garden tractor on board. I stood up to climb uphill when the tractor suddenly rolled out of the trailer and landed right in front of my wheel! Fortunately it did not run back downhill.

Traditional Danish Folk Art. Perhaps representative of a V-Twin motorcycle? The accompanying figure is suggestive of something best left to your own imagination. This is a surprisingly tame example of the type.

These sculptures are a popular, Danish, fertility symbol and usually raised to celebrate a round figure birthday. Often dumped in the middle of the night when the lucky recipient is innocently sleeping.

Being welded together, these constructions are often so heavy and bulky that they cannot easily be removed. Usually leading to an extended period of bemused embarrassment. Before a scrap metal lorry with a crane can call to rid the neighbourhood of the tasteless eyesore.

Two loading ramps had also slid out of the trailer along with the tractor. So I threw one of them across the road behind the tractor's rear wheels, just in case. Despite the huge bang the very elderly driver had kept going for a couple of hundreds yards before he finally stopped. He muttered something unintelligible at me as I rode past him as he walked back.

Thank goodness I wasn't wearing an action cam! Or could have spent the rest of my life in a detention centre on an island. Under constant threat of deportation for serious crimes against [Danish] humanity's absolute right to privacy to carry out all and any criminal acts undisturbed.

After that it started raining rather seriously. Which served me right for wishing I had been wearing an action camera to beomce a viral sensation overnight. By the time I reached home there was nothing for it but to stand and drip in the bathroom. While I threw everything I was wearing into the bath to drain off enough to go in the laundry. 15 miles and going well. Am I having fun yet? At least the drought has been delayed for a while and the pigs can breathe a deep sigh of relief. There have been several hours of rumbling thunder.

Saturday 27th 52-63[?]F, overcast, steamy and misty after overnight rain. We had some sun but I have no idea which weather forecasting service to blame. Even the clouds couldn't make up their minds which way to go. Two obvious streams crossing each other at 45 degrees! Only in Denmark.

Sunday 28th 49F. Heavy grey overcast with a risk of sunshine. Or rain and no sunshine. Do two opposites in weather forecasting cancel each other out? An 8 mile ride to the shops. It stayed dry but rather cloudy. I am pleased to report that no garden tractors fell into my path today.

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25 Apr 2019

25th April 2019 Burdened!


Thursday 25th 52F, overcast and breezy with sunny periods promised. It has become steadily darker over the last hour. Slight mist or haze is softening the more distant views.

Small patches of blue sky threw bright splodges briefly onto the fields. A determined rag-bag of rooks were working the verges in the lanes. They would lift off with each passing car to return as soon as the danger had passed. Until I arrived and they sought the shelter of the trees. I saw my first proper group of swallows after seeing only single birds over the last few days.

The Danes want people to send in their recordings of how Denmark sounds. I thought it sounded just like any other place in the world. Where Chumpy's costly jet fighters play out their endless dogfights in the skies, all day long, at heavily burdened, taxpayer's expense.

Talking of burdens: Private Danish citizens who employ unregistered, part time cleaners and au pairs can be fined huge sums for not properly policing an immigrant's true status.

After they have checked all of their paperwork they must then follow the person home and clearly mark the person's front door.[If they have one] This ensures no "dangerous" au pairs are missed for rehousing in the island detention camps presently being set up in Denmark.

A gaudy male pheasant practices his goose-stepping in honour of the two genocidal dictators having a get-together in Moscow. The colour similarities to Pootin's finest is quite remarkable!

Fortunately Norway is much less demanding of its immigrants and cheerfully taking all the badly underpaid, fully qualified, Danish nurses who have resigned from the Danish hospitals. The Danish Prime Minister, fresh from losing countless billions in fraudulent tax claims, after his last money saving scheme, is aiming for the health services next. With another of his splendid <cough> cost cutting exercises. Well, the vast fleet of Chumpy's noisy new F35s certainly won't pay for themselves!

And, then there's all those noise-cancelling, ear defenders the Danish people are going to need. Not that the government will be handing them out for free. They will be supplied by a foreign owned [offshore] monopoly who will charge several times the price of these things anywhere else in Europe. The director of the company will soon be "let go" for tax fraud and sexual assault but still paid billions in bonus for his "efficiency."

I spent an hour changing a tyre and tube and giving the trike a thoroughly good clean. The stainless steel frame was given a good polish with a clean rag. The chain spray, which I have to use so regularly to combat the vicious, winter, road salting, coats everything in thick and sticky gunge.

I ride so little these days that pride in ownership has rather taken a back seat. I was given some lovely bright socks, as a present, recently. So I shall be able to flash those on my next ride as the only one in the village. I didn't want them getting terminally dirty on their first outing. Every present has its price! ๐Ÿ˜‰

With luck they will have some bread in the local supermarket today after a week of empty shelves. Any pretence at Scandinavian socialism here is as empty as Cuba's socialism. As always, it's just that completely the wrong people are in charge.  Meanwhile, the <cough> special offers advertised by the supermarkets before Easter were never [ever] available.

I tried another branch yesterday and there was still bugger-all to be found of any of the special offers. "Special" as in as rare as hen's teeth. Quote "We never received them." All of these items just happened to be standard fare in our household and usually bought from competing chains at slightly higher prices. Lies, damned lies, pigbullshit and Danish supermarkets, eh? 

Local Danish councils are being asked [yet again] to recheck the largely privately owned, Danish water supplies. Yet another, completely banned, highly carcinogenic, agricultural poison has reached the deep bore, water table of many sites.

The EU is so generous with their [land area based] agricultural subsidies that the Danish farmers have begun to use the public verges for growing crops. Don't worry, though, nobody will notice for at least a decade or two and by then it will be too late to do anything about it.

The cost of moving water supply boreholes to clean sites will be probably exceed the cost of rebuilding Notre Damn in the promised, jewel-encrusted, solid gold and platinum by the "down to earth" El "Froggy" Precidentรฉ Macaroon.

The tax-free, "offshore" classes will get to subtly hint about their hidden wealth [to each other] with tax-deductible donations in an understated sort of way. Well, if it wasn't that, they'd be throwing away hundreds of millions in their worker's slave wage cuts on another of Picasso's, infantile daubs.

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22 Apr 2019

22nd April 2019 Brown fog!


Monday 22nd 50-65F, yet more of the amazingly warm and sunny weather. Denmark is officially at risk of drought after a lack of rain during April.

The fields and gardens are already dusty. I walked the spray tracks across a field in both directions just for a change of scenery. I watch out for Skylarks nests as I go but my boots are much smaller than the farmer's machines.

Tuesday 23rd 57-64[?]F, bright sunshine again but already blowing a gale. Expected to gust to 45mph later. Afternoon, heavy shopping in the car. There were brown dust clouds over most of the fields. Even those with crops growing.

Today's entertainment was provided by pig's muck spreading on a gargantuan scale. A huge machine was trundling along the spray tracks, arms outstretched and unreeling a huge, feed hose at it went. With such a strong wind at my back I was not really bothered by the smell. In the fierce sunlight I snapped away in the hope of at least one decent picture.

A tractor was busy collecting empty hose back onto its reels. While huge, 7-axle tankers kept arriving to refill the container with the massive, diesel, feed pump beside the road on the other side of the very large, but undulating field.

I have seen similar systems over the past couple of years but this one seemed to travel much more quickly. Though with frequent stops and reversals to cover the ground most efficiently. The sheer length of the arms made sense from a field coverage point of view. A million miles and well over half a century from watching muck spreaders in my youth.

Wednesday 24th 53F rather cloudy and still windy but the gales have much reduced. Only a tiny drop of the promised, overnight rain seems to have reached us. With the blue sky monopoly now broken where will the 9/10 drought warning take us? A walk to the lanes. The easterly wind was still strong enough to make it feel quite chilly.

Yesterday's brown clouds over the fields were ominous and potentially catastrophic for the farmers. Many of whom suffered a major loss on expected crop yields in last year's drought. Animals were going short on fodder.

Luckily this isn't climate change. Or that infinitely wise Mr [Al] Chump-one would surely admit it? Meanwhile all the scientists on a [Liberal/Commy/Pinko/Faggot] mission claim the Greenland ice melt is now in 6th gear of overdrive compared with 1980. When the melting was already well beyond any previous experience.

Plans for a short ride today were cancelled with the discovery of a flat rear tyre.

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17 Apr 2019

17th April 2019 Give me sunshine!


Wednesday 17th 40F, warmer but bright and sunny again. With more to come and higher temperatures promised over the next few days.

I thought I'd better post a picture to celebrate the arrival of spring in this lovely, woodland garden. More beautiful flowers than you could possibly wish for. I leave it to the dedicated plants-persons to identify them all.

The weather here has been amazing. A little cool at times but with almost continuous sunshine for days on end. A cool easterly wind but not too uncomfortable.

The geese were doing their noisy rounds again. I can't tell whether she is nagging about the poor accommodation at the copse. Or his forgetting her birthday. They called a temporary truce and landed together. To stand on the field about ten feet apart pretending to ignore each other. That didn't last long though. Soon they headed off towards the lake at the far end of the village with the leader still complaining bitterly about something, or other. More roomy there but lots of competition for nesting space from all of those ducks.

An afternoon ride on an errand. I rode a zigzag course via the empty lanes. Sometimes with the wind and sometimes against. Hitting 24mph, on the flat at one point, but struggling to reach 10mph on the way back. Only 8 miles.

Thursday 18th 46-62F, bright sunshine with a gusty, north-easterly breeze. Another day of unbroken sunshine is promised reaching about 60F. It was too and reached 62F. Just a brisk walk to the lanes to unwind both physically and mentally. Highly recommended to start the day. Though not if it means passing a field with

Retcher Scale 7 pig shit wafting across the road. I don't have any choice because all the fields locally are being blackened with industrial strength, weapons grade, pig's diarrhoea.

Friday 19th 44-63F, the sunny weather continues. Another long, sunny day. Walked to the lanes. A red kite keeps circling in our area. Barely higher than the trees right over our garden.

Saturday 20th 40-64F, warm and sunny again. Another white, overnight frost. There was a suspected new record of 20C [68F] yesterday in Denmark. Probably subject to the usual calibration checks of the measuring device. A walk to the village to the sound of birdsong. A ride seems to be on the cards. Wind turbines standing still.

An afternoon ride to the shops at 64F. Just shorts, jersey and a jacket. No need for long underwear, cap or a cardigan. Nor even the jacket. Headwind going. Headwind coming back.

Lies, damned lies and Danish supermarkets! For the umpteenth time the crooks were advertising special offers which were not present nor even delivered.

When is weekly fraud to entice to their premises, by false advertising, not a premeditated crime? Because they are too big to prosecute? Or because there is no consumer protection in Denmark? Only 7 miles. A few cyclists out training. Had a wave from some of them.

Sunday 21st 40F, calm again with more, unbroken sunshine.

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15 Apr 2019

15th April 2019 Wall to wall sunshine.


Monday 15th 36-42F, clear, bright and sunny but with a cold northerly wind. Nothing much stood out in the news. Just the usual, professional attention seekers. Don't worry. I'll think of something. This morning's pig shit stench is 6.5 on the Retcher Scale. I read on the Danish news that young farmers are proving their <cough> manhood by spreading pig shit 24 hours a day. With farming being one of the most dangerous occupations this behaviour sounds more like a large dollop of Lemming Syndrome.

The bright and not quite so cold conditions inspired me to walk up to the woods, along various tracks and fire breaks and then back along the marsh. There were two hares by the marsh which couldn't make up their mind if I was dangerous. Then decided I was when I lifted my binoculars. There was a beautiful Shelduck on the pond with half a dozen mixed mallards for company.

In the interests of longevity I have taken to walking on the verge whenever a vehicle is approaching on my side. It saves me getting angry with the drooling idiots and avoids them having to go out around me. So everybody wins except those who like reading my scathing comments about poor drivers.

We'll all just have to wait for self-driving cars. Then I can pick fault with them. Not that anybody will need to drive when they are all made unemployed by AI and robotics. Or both. Only those skilled at uniquely human traits will be safe. For a while. Who will be able to afford sex robots when there is nobody left with an income?  How does business work without loads of customers across the entire wealth spectrum? ๐Ÿ˜ Ever the optimist! ๐Ÿ˜Š

Tuesday 16th 35-50F, bright but breezy from the NE. It seems the early inhabitants of the UK were immigrants arriving in waves. Including the farmers who built Stonehenge and other megaliths. White supremacists should note the very dark colour of these people's skin and hair. There was no mention of Brexit in the DNA findings. A walk to the woods, up through the beach trees and back down to the road. I was so warm I took my jacket off despite the chilly wind. A quick ride to the shops in the afternoon.  Headwind going. Cruising at 17mph coming back. Only 7 miles.

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13 Apr 2019

13th April 2019 Unlucky for some cockroaches?


Saturday 13th 30-42F. A bright start promises lots of sunshine this morning. Light winds too. Just for once the two competing weather forecasters have used the same piece of seaweed and agreed on a sunny morning. It soon became cloudy and windy. It felt cold and a white frost clung to the long grass. About a 7 on the Retcher Scale. Where the stench of pig shit from the local fields runs from a modestly nauseating 5 to certain death from asphyxiation at 10.

Shorter walk to the lanes because I had things to do at home. Saw what I took to be a small, female Kestrel with unusually short and deep wings hovering over the verge. I slowed my pace to allow it to make its dive but it missed its prey and moved further along the road. Being buff and so small, with no obvious markings I am wondering if it was  sparrowhawk instead. The geese were doing their noisy rounds of the copse but in a threesome today. There is a pond lost in the trees in there so that may well hold their interest.

In the news today? Cyclists are demoted to well below human according to the latest research into driver behaviour. Driver who become angry at being inconvenienced abuse the cyclist. If only to vent their anger at the deliberate unfairness of being a driver on continuously congested roads.

They justify their anger and resulting, dangerous behaviour by demoting the cyclist to something more akin to a giant cockroach. Rather than the fragile flesh and blood common to most human beings. Such drivers enjoy no connection between logic and the idiocy of joining the traffic queues in a device intended for motorway travel while carrying at least five adults.

Many drivers very obviously resent having to engage their brains while driving. Steering out and around a cyclist, or rural pedestrian, is highly stressful. It may well lead to long term PTSD. Which could well affect their entire career or even their ability to father a normal child. So the vulnerable cyclist or pedestrian must be punished for all that is wrong with their world. An easy target for a nuclear holocaust but without any of the diplomatic or mental skills to avert a crisis.

The anonymous vehicle becomes a giant sledge hammer to carry out spontaneous and impromptu crash test dummy trials. Without the supposed anonymity of their vehicle they wouldn't dream of swinging a sledge hammer at strangers in the high street. If they were on foot they would never dream of ramming their shopping trolley into any unfortunate cyclist heading blissfully unaware for the supermarket cycle rack.

Yet, emboldened by their mobile invincibility the driver becomes the infant school yard bully in the car park. Parking is stressful. More skill is required than the average driver can muster on a stinking hangover. They have the ability to wipe out everybody in the car park if only they had the skill and the nerve.

The last trees bravely hold their ground as the giant machines constantly nibble away at the forest.

There are people to blame everywhere they look. Stupid kids throwing themselves under their wheels as they floor the pedal and shriek away from a missed parking space like a blown dragster on Nitro. Using every Newton's torque [or whatever] from their four valves per pot, turbocharged <cough> "racing car in sheep's clothing."

Or so they imagine having once seen saloon car racing on the TV. No doubt while consuming their third giant bag of potato crisps and yet another beer before going shopping for more crisps and beer. [In the car of course] Cycling and walking are strictly for losers. And cockroaches, of course.

Sunday 14th 34F, bright start but some cloud expected. Al Chump One is being brought down like the last mobster who thought himself above the law. He has until the 23rd April to provide his tax returns for the last few years. It was horribly cold and dark grey by the time I'd returned from my walk. With a chilly wind which made even the GripGrab cycling gloves feel inadequate. It has reached a scorching 36F or +2C. Only a few crows and jackdaws plying their way across the landscape. Doing whatever it is that they do. I was reading that skyscrapers are responsible for billions of bird deaths. It is commonplace to see images of birds of prey attached to picture windows in Denmark. In an attempt to fend off bird strikes.

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