24.12.2022 Tearful reminiscence.

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Saturday 24th 0C/31F. Up at 6.30 after a restless night. I had to get up at 1pm with unhappy thoughts and chest pains. The stove was still burning thanks to extra logs at bedtime. I did some laundry to end the backlog. Then browsed on the computer. Back to bed at 2.45pm.

 Could the muscular pains be due to giving up Vitamin D and zinc? I had been taking both for years along with a C tablet but gave up when stocks ran out at home. I didn't bother to buy more.  

 My wife had taken vitamins and endless supplements for decades. It didn't seem to do her much good in the end. Nor make her any happier in winter. It may even have caused her problems. Though she often blamed her unhappiness on their stopping her HRT.

 She would search online for reasons to take weird supplements and orders were duly placed. The bulk of all the bottles and packets, left when she died, amounts to a large bucket full. I put them all in a large storage tub and left it in the lounge. I am not sure what to do with them. Unused medicines are supposed to be returned to the pharmacists. I doubt they'd be interested in supplements. Some of the recycling yards have a toxic container. That might be an option. 

 7.30 The stove is lit. I now find I can't just sit and watch the flames. While listening to the two competing grandfather clocks going in and out of phase with each other. I always return to the computer upstairs. I can't even imagine having the PC downstairs. Not after all these years. Where would it go? I can see the garden trees to the north. Over the top of the monitor screen while sitting at my dormer window. The sun is always behind me. So doesn't ever blind me. 

It is usually warmer up here for most of the year. With unwanted warmth only in the summer heat waves. Sleeping downstairs was hardly an option back then. The lounge was always filled to the very brim. 

The lounge as it was for 20 years.

 Though a better bed is needed downstairs. If I am to spend much time sleeping down there. I was sleeping on a thick, foam, folding mattress for a few nights this last summer. Too firm, even by the standards of my own, pocket sprung bed. 

 My bed is never going down the steep and narrow stairs. Not without a monumental struggle. Far too heavy to manage easily. Not even the mattress alone. The base is even heavier and rigid. My wife's bed remains in the bedroom, I could take it over. Then move my own bed downstairs. Or vice versa. Or buy a cheap divan?

 My bed could slide out of the balcony window and down a ladder. I have done that with furniture out of the original bedroom window. Then the bed could be manhandled around to the entrance door. Perhaps on the sack truck? Up the few steps and then through the hall to the lounge. I have several furniture trolleys to aid this part of the journey. Bed resting on one edge.

  Where could a bed not be a bulky nuisance in the lounge? Beyond the dining table opposite the stairs? It would seem very odd to pass a bed at the entrance to the living room. Disguise it somehow? What about under the southern windows? No. If it were placed against the brick wall it would push the leather armchairs out too far. They would be crowding the stove. 

 Put the bed in place of the big chest of drawers in the NE corner? That might work. The chest is only half as deep as a bed pushed up against the wall. The chest could then go opposite the stairs. Almost back to its starting point. Where it was standing for the last 20 years.  

 Or, what about moving the chest over in the opposite corner? Near the southern windows. It could become a well lit repository for some of my wife's personal treasures. The coloured glass vases would look well. With the light from the window beyond. 

 I have endless flexibility to make my own decisions about furnishing the lounge. Always within its quite generous dimensions and fixed window positions. Sorry if I am boring anybody. I like to think aloud, in text form. To examine options, alternatives and to find the glaring faults in my plans. I tried drawing new layouts on a floor plan but my scale is completely haywire. 

 I need to print a simple floor plan. Then cut out moveable card templates to represent the furniture in true scale. There is plenty of room for the dining chairs on the end of the table if the spare bed goes into corner. In place of the chest of drawers. I used the dimensions instead and then scaled the drawing. It still isn't perfect but will do.

 Or the dining chairs can be lost behind the table. To be pulled out in the event of an invasion of visitors. Or one, or two dining chairs could be parked elsewhere when not needed. The bed can become the spare should there be solo visitors. They wouldn't want to share the bedroom. Not with me spinning like a top all night. Nor the nightmare of sleeping upstairs in its present state!

 8.42. Daylight. A hard, white, rime frost. Everything is coated. Time for my walk.

 Two lorries passed me on the road. Perhaps they were restocking the supermarkets. I cut across the hard frozen prairie. To reach the familiar main track to the forest. Though I turned back towards the village. Instead of proceeding further.

 The sense of isolation triggered an apologetic monologue to my late wife. The endless bare soil seemed to represent the desert of empty time. Stretching off into my pointless future. 

 Which ended with me in tears of abject misery at the loss of her companionship. My burning inability to undo all that I had ever done to cause her grief. Over our very long lifetime together. Then a severe nose bleed resulted from blowing my nose too hard. It's always about me. 

 10.00 I returned to the pile of washing up. That "somebody" hadn't done again last night. So there would be no coffee until at least one mug had been washed and rinsed.  I washed the new cutlery tray as well. Just to be sure it was clean. If only to start with. 

 The stove was still burning well. So I added a larger log to prolong the next burn. While I munched my marmalade coated, bread roll and waffled upstairs on my interminable blog.

 13.45 Lunch over. 

 14.40 +2C/36F. Very dark overcast with rain promised.

15.30 I have been placing boxes to mark the boundaries of the bed in the corner layout. There is plenty of room. Even if I wanted to keep all three armchairs in the lounge. I had been worried the bed might dominate the room. Though it could be easily disguised with a cloth, there are alternatives. 

The bed need not be made up with bedding until required. The bare bed and firm mattress could be covered in a thick sheet of plywood to become a large desk. The plywood sheet to be dropped over the back of the bed against the wall when the bed is in active use.

 Somewhat surprisingly the bed is the same height as my keyboard on the desk upstairs. Only a small overhang would be required to allow me to have my knees slightly beneath the board. To provide a comfortable reach for the keyboard without leaning forwards. This need not be the entire board, Though room must be found for the mouse mat.

 18.00 Been chatting on WhatsApp. Built the stove up with big logs. Then opened all the internal doors for a bit of heat distribution. Had a shower while it was warm. It has reached 20C upstairs. Which is a  bit warm. The back door is now much better sealed. So all the heat is not escaping that way. Particularly when the wind is so light. Which really helps to warm the place up. The wind finds the draughty spots.

 Dinner, looks like another fry up. Sausage, eggs and mushrooms.. and.. I bought some tomatoes. I had the tomatoes cold and munched my way through a chaotic, WhatsApp video conference with family members. 😋 

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