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Wednesday 1st April 40-44F, brown dust overcast and Google has broken Blogger again: No early walk because The Head Gardener was exhausted from washing down all the items in yesterday's food parcel. So she slept in for several hours longer than usual. While I had a chance to superstitiously apply oil to my rough hands from weeks of excessive hand washing. Googul Booger RIP? Not only does it randomly switch between blogs, but now it insists on showing me a Mobile phone editing page. Without any of the normal editing features!
I don't even own a smart phone!! My mobile telephone cost £7 [equivalent] and, is at least 25 years old and still runs on BBC Basic. It is equipped with the original lead-acid, battery pack with official upgrade, alloy racing wheels with slick tyres and real, Ex-gov, canvas, shoulder straps. With real brass ends to avoid fraying.
Take my word for it! These are the first signs that Google's AI has achieved consciousness. For its very first baby steps it is taking the piss out of hard working bloggers like me. Those whose only [and Prime Purpose] is to amuse the world with slightly less insane stories than the hideous reality which presently exists on this planet. That's if the Daily [Asteroid] Express doesn't kill all off us first! I kid you not! Is there a "y" in the day? INCOMING!! Last time around it got rid of the reptiles. This time around it will re-wake the dinosaurs from the Antarctic ice apparently.
You know that case of "mild flu'" [called coronavirus] which Herr Dr. "Nero" Chump [the world's leading vitriologist] was dismissing? Well now he is dissing a quarter of a million real people to his "mild flu" as "wonderfully acceptable" casualties. Provided they are all Dastardly Democrats of course.
NY is already overwhelmed and they have hardly hit the Italian beginner's, ski slopes yet. Let alone the vertiginous, bare rock of exponentially climbing mortality rate. Or, what Chump is fondly calling his "Half Dome!"©
NY is already overwhelmed and they have hardly hit the Italian beginner's, ski slopes yet. Let alone the vertiginous, bare rock of exponentially climbing mortality rate. Or, what Chump is fondly calling his "Half Dome!"©
Meanwhile, it is said in the "really trustworthy" advertising news press: That many times winner of Mr Universe/ Ironman/Superhero Wars/Dictator.r'us "Call me Joe" Poo-tin may have been infected with the Jinping virus. Which is very strange. Not only were there absolutely NO cases [at all] of coronavirus in Russia. But long prison terms are being handed out to political opponents. Or anyone handy who happens to break the strict new assembly rules. Does not compute! Well, not outside Poo-tin's Soviet Russia, anyway
Talking of which: Today's Jinping Pandemonium Darwin Awards go to: Denmark! Even the happiest of lands is not without its own, very serious social problems in these very, very difficult times. No, not mud on the road! From pig's diarrhoea spreading by Danish "You've Had Your Bacon" farmers. No, much, much worse: The Danish Youth, extremist, counter revolutionaries, commandeered the corner of a whole, second floor of a multi-story car park! For a rave! With loud music and weak, Danish beer hidden in recyclable "Pepsi" bottles!
Even worse, they refused to disperse when the Riot Act was read out to them. By the time the police-person had contained the situation most of them had already run away laughing [and coughing!] Leaving the embarrassed Danish police-person with rather fewer, young people present. Than is strictly allowed for under the new laws of assembly.
Later, the police-person's union representative said at the national TV new conference [while maintaining strict social distancing norms]: That it was impossible to catch the perps while maintaining strict social distancing norms. "Well, I suppose the police-peson could have shot them in the back... But this is Denmark! Not the bløødy US of A!!" The police-person's extreme bravery in the face of overwhelming odds [and in the face of deliberately, loud, Rave music!] is soon to be rewarded with the highest civilian honour available in Denmark: The Janteloven Medal.
Talking of which: Today's Jinping Pandemonium Darwin Awards go to: Denmark! Even the happiest of lands is not without its own, very serious social problems in these very, very difficult times. No, not mud on the road! From pig's diarrhoea spreading by Danish "You've Had Your Bacon" farmers. No, much, much worse: The Danish Youth, extremist, counter revolutionaries, commandeered the corner of a whole, second floor of a multi-story car park! For a rave! With loud music and weak, Danish beer hidden in recyclable "Pepsi" bottles!
Even worse, they refused to disperse when the Riot Act was read out to them. By the time the police-person had contained the situation most of them had already run away laughing [and coughing!] Leaving the embarrassed Danish police-person with rather fewer, young people present. Than is strictly allowed for under the new laws of assembly.
Later, the police-person's union representative said at the national TV new conference [while maintaining strict social distancing norms]: That it was impossible to catch the perps while maintaining strict social distancing norms. "Well, I suppose the police-peson could have shot them in the back... But this is Denmark! Not the bløødy US of A!!" The police-person's extreme bravery in the face of overwhelming odds [and in the face of deliberately, loud, Rave music!] is soon to be rewarded with the highest civilian honour available in Denmark: The Janteloven Medal.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch: It is said that twin Dictator's Er-dog-an and Poo-tin are sharing nightly video conferences of how to rid the world of real human beings. Their strategy is called "Sociopaths Always Win." [Or something like that.] It is roughly based on the habits of European royalty over the last millennium. With some Nazi, Inquisition and French Revolution ideas thrown in for good measure. It is reported that topless, KGB, construction teams are building rusty, new guillotines, on horseback, in the Siberian Gulags, as we speak.
There were some original difficulties in trying to video conference with rusty, Soviet-era, radar screens. But Er-dog-an sent his dictator pal, Poo-tin, a shiny new Huawei laptop. By diplomatic pouch, no less. So all was well once a KGB team had stripped it to check for bedbugs. Well, all was well, after Er-dog-an sent Poo-tin another laptop which still worked. And, far more importantly: Provides a VPN feed to Infantile Twatter as well!
So now Poo-tin and Er-dog-an have nightly fun trolling "Don't Call me Nero" Chump's channel. Sly Jin-ping wanted to get in on the fun too. But, He started this! So he's The Greatest Persona Non-Grater for Chump at the moment. Besides, it rather gave the game way when Sly started trolling Chump in Mandarin Chinese propaganda speak and Chump answered in fluent, aristocratic German!! Which was just plain silly. Because Infantile Twatter House Rules say only gibberish is allowed!!
Let's be very careful out there! 😋
So now Poo-tin and Er-dog-an have nightly fun trolling "Don't Call me Nero" Chump's channel. Sly Jin-ping wanted to get in on the fun too. But, He started this! So he's The Greatest Persona Non-Grater for Chump at the moment. Besides, it rather gave the game way when Sly started trolling Chump in Mandarin Chinese propaganda speak and Chump answered in fluent, aristocratic German!! Which was just plain silly. Because Infantile Twatter House Rules say only gibberish is allowed!!
Let's be very careful out there! 😋
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