15.05.2022 "I'm a lumberjack and I'm not alright."

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 Sunday 15th 46F. Thick mist, slowly clearing. The glazed, gable end is misted up too. So I can't see the missing tree. Six weeks since my wife died. I was up at 6.30 after an earlier awakening. Which nicely rhymes with aching. My hands, arms and back need a walk. Before I start all over again. 

 There is male pheasant making a racket out there somewhere. I had better have a word.. "Fozzy" is standing in the middle of the parking space and complaining. My car is in the wrong place. Is that all you have to be worried about?

 My walk was the routine 40 minutes to the lanes. The patchy mist made it pointless to go further afield. There would be nothing interesting to see. The warblers were doing their best to entertain. Singing from the dense hedge. Which has grown up after the verge trees were all cut down to the ground.

 9.10 50F. The sun is trying to break through. I'm doing too much toing and froing. Wasting valuable time.

 I am wondering how I can get the trailer nearer to its fodder. A huge Thujopsis dolobrata [conifer] hedge is in the way! I was never allowed to trim it. It is now as high as the house and 10' thick! I will cut it back to allow trailer to pass through the widened gap. More clippings ready to fill the trailer. Becoming warm and sunny.

12.00 60F. Two trailer loads of horse chestnut clippings have gone to the recycling yard. I was able to reverse the car through the new gap to pick up the trailer.

 I have sawn a lot of thicker branches into short logs. Just to make it easier for me to move around. My back and shoulders are aching. So I'm having a rest. 

12.30 Very early lunch.

 The two images above are wide angle to cover the debris field. The image left is stitched together from both images in Ms ICE to form a panorama.

 16.15 65F. I have just returned from another trip to the recycling yard. I was fully loaded with more chestnut clippings. The central and left mounds of branches have now been lopped and cleared.  

 I have been trimming more of the largest branches into short logs. The pile of logs is [hidden] right of centre behind the branches. Lots more long branches to be trimmed, lopped and sawn. Right background and foreground.

 I still have to tidy up the ugly tree stump. My 40cm/16"bar chainsaw will only just reach the middle of the trunk. Whether that will allow me to circle the tree. To make a smooth, flat cut. I have no idea. I ought to plunge the saw. Then try to make a circle. My laser level could be useful. With a fine marker spray to fix the horizontal line. I'd drive wedges towards the end of the cut. To stop the saw from jamming under the weight of the wood above. 

 17.00 66F. I tried to have a nap but my mind was going around in circles. Sometimes there is no escape from my painful memories. 

 I have had no meat in the six weeks since my wife died. We'd usually have meat only once a week. Chicken rather than red meat. I can't say I have actually missed it. 

 I have only made boiled potatoes once in six weeks and they were awful! They took so long to cook [tested by stabbing with a fork] that the water completely dried up!

 I am trying to broaden my diet. My wife used to complain about my boring, repetitive diet. Now it is far worse! 

 I start the day with organic porridge and raisins, with cold milk. Black coffee and then black [organic] tea.

 I have a toasted marmalade roll on my return from my walk with milky coffee. The same at 5pm but with tea. 

 I eat an organic apple every day. Have a drink of 100% fruit, organic apple juice when I am thirsty. 

 Lunch is two [buttered] wholemeal rolls. Two halves with raspberry jam. One half with organic honey. One half with grated cheese. Followed by yogurt with sliced, organic bananas every day at lunch time.

 There is far too much toast! Cheese on toast. [Usually with sliced tomatoes and tomato soup.] Fried and scrambled eggs on toast. Usually with baked beans. Mackerel in tomato sauce on toast. [Usually with tomato soup]

 Marmalade on toast. [Twice or even three times a day!] 

 Salad: Lettuce, cucumber, carrots, tomatoes, boiled eggs, grated Cheddar cheese. Usually with tinned tuna. 

 Frozen salmon pasties. Frozen cod in breadcrumbs. Both with baked beans. Or, more usually [frozen] organic peas. 

 I usually drink a small can of organic Danish beer with dinner. Or afterwards if there is soup.

 Is that a balanced diet? Very poor in fruit and veg?

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