29.10.2024 It's all happening.. slowly.

 ~o~

 Tuesday 29th 53F/12C [7.15]  Overcast and misty. Light rain possible.

 Up at 6.15 after a mixed night.

 8.40 Back from a walk to the lanes. The mist was slightly patchy. At 200m some trees were just silhouettes. The roads were clearer to perhaps 300m. The overhanging trees dripped on me and the passing traffic. Blue tits, in the towering, roadside hedgerows, scolded me for territorial invasion.

 I have turned the coffee table. Which is supporting my large plants. At right angles to the wall. The Monstera was too large to see both windows simultaneously. Many leaves were resting against the blank wall. Moving the pot to the far end of the table. As far from the wall as possible. Provides more even light from both windows. 

 13.30 Returning from visiting my friend. Shopped on the way and on the way back. Lots of asphalt, road resurfacing going on all over the place. Including a previously, very rough cycle path in the village.

 18.30 I have lit the stove. 65F/18C was not warm enough. I have had several messages. A heart monitor, which was discussed at a previous hospital visit. Can be collected on the 20th December from the hospital in Odense. This is in preparation to the possible later fitting of a pacemaker. My heart was showing increasing false beats at a previous check.  

 The national bereavement service rang. To say that it is unable to provide a psychiatrist outside Copenhagen the capital. Luckily, the local bereavement counselor will be visiting me in early December. Not a qualified psychiatrist but an excellent and long experienced therapist. She provided vital support after my wife died. 

 It had been agreed that I was no longer in need of regular sessions. With a follow up arranged for early next year. I feel the need for another session. To try and escape from my depression and ongoing survivor's guilt. Which keeps disturbing my sleep. I cannot lie in bed once I start thinking about my wife. My days are an endless escape from reality. As I doze away my remaining time. Or pedal away the days. Instead of continuing my projects and fulfilling my responsibilities.

 Dinner will be salad. I bought the ingredients earlier today. With a couple of sliced boiled eggs I think.

 

 ~o~