25.03.22 Day 1: My wife of 54½ years has come home to die.

 ~~

My triking diary now covers the period after my wife's diagnosis of terminal cancer. This is written purely as a record of her last days for my own benefit. Nobody can say how long she will last. However the morphine is distancing her ever further from reality. 

 She is deteriorating very rapidly indeed. I have been trying to immerse myself in reorganizing the house contents. Short of a spectacular miracle she will not be returning to her former life.    

Friday 25th 60F at 15.00. After a major trim at the hairdressers I spent the morning attacking the hedge with the chainsaw. To make more room for nurses' vehicles to come and go while I am parked. 

 My wife came back from hospital in the ambulance. Despite my hedge hacking it was a tight squeeze.

 The promised hospital bed never arrived. Nor did the promised nurse. We will have to wait until Monday now. I made up a bed on a layer of foam mattress on the floor. My wife was too weak to climb onto it. Too much in pain to let me lift her. So I had to remove the layers beneath the best 3" thick foam mattress. 

 Now She can't get warm despite several layers of thick, down duvets. About a foot of goose down in all. She can't tolerate any weight on her. Fortunately, She has now fallen fast asleep.

 The afternoon and evening passed slowly as we tried to raise her to use the makeshift toilet. After some floor gymnastics on thick, sponge pillows, trying to get her upright and higher, she wanted to die. 

 Physically rolling her seems to be the only way to gain any horizontal distance. She is too weak to crawl and her back is agony if I try to lift or [worse] slide her bodily. Polythene would help reduce friction but it is difficult to get it under her. Not to mention retrieving it after the journey of a few inches. We need a crane. The necessary sling would be incredibly difficult to arrange it under her. This definitely needs more thought.

~~