5 Mar 2016

5th March 2016 'Moonshine' special.


Saturday 5th 36F, 2C, wet and windy with a heavy overcast for the next 48 hours. Not much else to say really. Though, I'm [almost] sure to think of something. ;)

The "Massively Increased Shitting Up of The Danish Countryside" political shit storm drags on. The Fårmer Enviral Minister has fallen on her sword. [Some say pushed by the PM.] The new winner at musical chairs immediately took orifice in a vast, converted pig-shit storage tank to show solidarity with the countless, bankrupt farmers.

University experts are complaining loudly of having been [allegedly] sent to North Korean labour camps to be re-educated. They were [allegedly] forced to make up "benign" figures to hide the likely total devastation caused by The Fårmer Enviral Minister's campaign on increased rural destruction. I would have thought orange hazard suits and Guano-tanamo more appropriate for completing their calculations prior to The Fårmer Enviral Minister publishing her silly sums.

And now, in further "breaking " news: The Fehmarn tunnel crossing is finally about to be started for hundreds of billions. Well, they had to do something with the billions in taxes they haven't given away to "businessmen." The sunken, motorway tunnel will join Germany to some place called Denmark on its way to the Far Desolate North of some other place called Sweden. [Aka: Land of the midnight sunblock due to extreme Ozone depletion.]

There are still no sign of any cycle paths in the Fehmarn tunnel plans though. You'd think they could use one of the many safety escape tunnels for the cycle paths. Those emergency tunnels they always need for when a toxic lorry catches fire [again] and it all fills with smoke and water and then the Danish [architect designed] emergency lights go out. There wouldn't even be any need to properly surface the cycling tunnel floors or even provide continuous lighting. Because we're only talking about cyclists here. So they could save quite a few Kroner on that part of the project if they tried.

The project's completion date is suppose to be somewhere round 2028 depending on planned delays, organized industrial strife, setbacks like major flooding, contractor bankruptcy, etc.etc.. So let's call it 2035 and counting. Which means traffic volumes and vehicle type could have changed radically by then. It could all be electric cycles with over-sized baskets and Putin's Autonomous Russian Mafia attack drones guarding the northern tunnel complex by 2035.

The price for the project will be the usual "think of a number and multiply by three" despite using Chinese [senior government official owned] contractors. Massed North Korean forced slave labour will be subcontracted to dig the underwater foundations, by hand, to increase obscene profits returns on investment. The main contractors are [of course] guaranteed 150% of tolls for the next several thousand years. [Or until Putin Ung takes over by force.]

I hear the Egyptians have filled in the Suez Golden Goose with billions of lorry loads of corruption. So hundreds of ships are now going "the long way around" for an extra 3,000 miles. Which is bound to play havoc with global warming. Based on my calculations it looks as if Denmark will have to double the width of its motorways to cope with all those unwilling to pay the ridiculously exorbitant fees for using the shorter, tunnel route across the Fehmarn Strait. It's not all bad news though: At least a tunnel won't be routinely closed, twice a week, because of wind problems so typical of modern motorway bridges. Though that is very unlikely to impress the daring, Danish prince. Who likes to show off his daredevilry in his priceless supersportscar collection on the storm-tossed, motorway bridges. Albeit driven by a cheap, security underling while he sits in the back seat offering skilled advice.

Highly tuned, Danish booze and fags smuggler's vehicle of choice in 2035? Note the lightweight, front "racing " alloy rim. Hardened smugglers are expected to paint their lightweight rims black to [easily] fool the Danish border police. Though the 'aero' handlebars and lack of brakes might be a bit of a giveaway. The Longjohn 'Moonshine SS' is intended to outrun the poorly equipped Danish Police pursuit bicycles of the future in the badly paved, Fehmarn emergency tunnels. A hidden motor in the seat tube will allow  a fair pace to be kept up on the inevitable tunnel inclines leading up from the sea bottom. So these highly sophisticated machines will have no trouble dropping any number of massed police chasers. Overtaking is deliberately intended to be difficult when the wide [but cleverly concealed] central cargo bay is stacked high with crates of dirt cheap, German booze.

It's a shame they don't build a proper bridge from SW Fyn straight over to the German border crossing instead. Blighted Assens has never recovered from the Bank Crash and could do with a few more booze and fags smugglers stopping [briefly] for petrol. This direct route would be far more sensible for most Danes and save them having to go so [pointlessly] far west to Middelfart before being allowed to head south to the German border hypermarkets. Many Danish smugglers have found themselves standing on the [bleak] Assens foreshore and asking themselves about using submarines or drones to reach the nearby German coast. The very high fares on the Danish ferries to Germany would leave very little change out of any foreseeable smuggling operation.

Mind you, with 10 million economic refugees and their extended families sucking Germany dry by then. Not to mention spending an absolute fortune on maintaining security, German VAT is bound to rise to a par with rip-off Denmark's 25%. Making cross-border smuggling all rather pointless. Of those who expressed an opinion, 99.999% of Danish booze and fags smugglers preferred the direct, northern route rather than the rather pointless, Fehmarn southerly [sunken] crossing.


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