22 Mar 2016

22nd March 2016 Daubs to the left of them. Daubs to the right!


Tuesday 22nd 41-45F, 5-7C, heavy overcast, light breeze, dry. What will today bring? The boredom of living in the countryside? Not here it's not! The place is absolutely awash with birds of every variety. No tree or bush is safe from their perching, calling and singing! If it's not some squawking Blackbird with delusions of grandeur and a poor sense of humour, it's gangs of twittering sparrows. Haven't they heard of the boy who cried "Wolf?" Right now there is a Magpie chasing blackbirds through The Head Gardener's 25' high willow woods! Will it never end?

 A strange portal to the back of  someone's wardrobe? 
What does that make this side?

I was watching three buzzards wave soaring and they kept turning completely upside down if another approached too closely. Wood pigeons have this strange habit of climbing slowly until they stall and then recover. Only heaven knows why! It's absolute chaos out there! You can't go a few yards without the Chaffinches and Great tits shouting above the passing traffic. They must have lungs like blacksmith's bellows! Just look at those sports geese flying high over Everest while simultaneously holding heated political discussions. I know they don't have mountains [or even decent hills] in Denmark but you get the picture. Birds are completely crackers.  

The center windmill is stationary and looks slightly "overdone" judging by the open, and blackened,  back door.

I know you are probably bored to death with my stories of Danish local councils filling their palatial town halls with Danish original modern "art" and costly, Danish designer furniture. Now, guess what? Lack of funding means that they are cutting back on nearly 100 beds in a brand new super-hospital. But, it gets worse! The millions of funding set aside for the hideously childish and butt ugly daubs is being maintained! The equivalent of drive-by splatter accidents at a poorly run, paint wholesalers are to hang from the walls of the "super hospital" because they are [quote] "good for patient moral."

What a load of arrogant, elitist cobblers! Leaked reports coming out of Guantanamo suggest that Danish modern art was thousands of times more effective at breaking hardened prisoners of war than the voluntary courses they ran on "indoor surfing." But that the devastating effect on the staff, exposed to the merest glimpses of these weapons-grade daubs, has resulted in an urgent call for the base to be shut down. It is even thought that some of the prison staff became so unhinged by "the art" that they converted to Islamic fundamentalism on the spot. Which brings a whole new meaning to "For your eyes only!"

Naturally the UN has deplored the use of Danish art for torture purposes without the permission of the [utterly deluded] "finger painters." The CIA has denied all these reports as untrue because they claim they only ever used cheap printed reproductions. They claim the effects of using original "artworks" would have instantly turned the prisoners to complete vegetables. The spokesperson also mentioned that all the original Danish "artworks" had already been bought up [through shady middle men at vastly inflated prices] by the Danish local councils and hospital trusts. So they [the CIA] never had access to these unbelievably dangerous materials in the first place.

I have already begun praying vehemently that I never need hospital services. I'd want to "top myself" within minutes if they left any of these "dirty protest" canvases on the walls of my Psych ward.

Can you even imagine yourself standing smugly in the "Artists Only" queue at the "Pearly Gates" with examples of your unexpurgated crap stuck under your sweaty armpit? A voice booms out: "And what did you do with your precious gift of life, my Son?" Is there really any lower form of human life after modern "artists" except for graffiti "artists," pedophile priests, bankers, the politicooze and estate agents?

My walk took place beneath a protective dome of tireless Skylarks as I sought the mythical Hare with moist eyes. [I'm a martyr to wind.] These wonderfully cuddly creatures have been absent from my perambulations for what seems like an eternity. Have they all been wiped out by some hideous pox? Or have they been permanently blinded by deliberate glints from the hunters' mirror-polished, silver flasks? So that they (the Hare) became all too easy cannon fodder.

In a complete change of scenery I found a pretty pair of Bullfinches in their best wedding togs. Danish for clothes is tøj so there was definitely some corruption going on there. Probably Early English natives struggling with anything remotely "foreign." Translation, of any foreign language term to English, or the converse, sounds just like "Shout louder!"

Sparrows, Greenfinches and Yellowhammers shared unkempt, scrubby willows around an overgrown pond. They seemed to be congregating around a Pheasant, fast food takeaway. A large, pale, bird of prey and two geese took off complaining loudly. While my progress was punctuated throughout by overexciteable Blackbirds. But aren't they all? We presently have a surfeit of Chaffinches practicing their three chords, so if anyone has a shortage you know where to come.

Afternoon ride to the shops under heavy, grey skies. Three more items listed as special offers or price reductions not available. Lies, damned lies... My legs were tired today. Only 16 miles. The sun finally came out at 17.30pm and the sky is now clear. Where do I queue for my DMI sunshine refund?

Click on any image for an enlargement.


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