20 Jul 2017

20th July 2017 Bananas! Pardon? ✔

Thursday 20th 64F, 18C, heavy cloud but dry. Rain by lunchtime. What happened to Tuesday and Wednesday? This is Saturday according to my inner clock. I knew I should have taken the quartz movement upgrade instead of relying on the old-fashioned original. Enjoyed a walk up to the woods going anticlockwise. Spotted one black, feral cat and a very large hare.

Yesterday was a [seasonally adjusted] High Level of Swallow Exuberance. As flocks of up to 30 birds wheeled around trees and houses in effortlessly tight formation. Today there were only a few stragglers winging their way over the ripe crops. Probably suffering from an adrenaline hangover after yesterday's, superb, aerial gymnastics.

Two [banana] bunches of useful information on the Gravely Blighted News today:

 1. 2/3ds of Alzheimer's is caused by being an old fart.
2. BBC wages are inversely proportional to the £43,000 per week, wage earner's actual value to human progress.
I was going to patent the obvious answer to multiple problems. But euthanasia was already taken.
It seems there are nine factors responsible for 1/3 of the cases of dementia. If only I could remember them... I might have had something to say. It seems though, that I get extra house points for being able to spell Alzheimer's without a spelling checker. Google got it wrong so they must be suffering from dementia already.

Wouldn't that be ironic? Google becomes an aware AI and it has dementia from birth! It wont even recognise itself in the mirror of public hostility as it steadily switches off all humans rights around the globe. Aided and abetted by Universal & Ubiquitously Vulnerable, Windows OS, of course.

Isn't it nice to know that these "broadcasting" wasters and their henchmen are largely responsible for countless poor people spending time in prison for not being able to afford the TV license? You remember BBC TV? The "public service" broadcaster with about as much public service as the mafia. Where democracy of the right to public access to discuss programming and to enjoy the freedom of creative expression is as exclusive as any Royal Family's right to endless handouts. Plus all the free accommodation and TOTAL PRIVACY in multiple palaces, estates and exclusive holiday destinations with servants.

Do you ever wonder why someone <cough> earning a fortune has exclusive rights to privacy not enjoyed  by their "lesser mortals?" Doesn't the ridiculous pay level recognise some responsibility to their adoring [brain dead] fans to share more than a few, deliberately released, compromising images to maintain headline stories? Anything to sell the next tawdry film, pop-porn video or talentless album, and the next. Can any of them "act," "dance" or "sing" with all their clothes on?

Friday 21st 61F, 16C, very heavy overcast, but mostly dry and it may be brighter later. If I don't get a ride soon I shall go bananas. Did you see the video of the chap in the US, shooting selfish ape's vans? They parked across two private driveways to reach the trees, just because they can. The police took the driveway owner away for endangering vehicle tyres with a loaded banana. I'd have arrested the apes with the van for deliberate obstruction.

Banana rights, eh? Can't live with them. Can't live without them. The apes are probably still hiding up in the trees according to the video. And don't give me any of that nonsense about loss of habitat! The bloke with the banana was the [sore] loser. It's a slippery slope when you start carrying bananas in the streets. [Or to college!] All they need for instant banana control is a simple mental test: If you want a banana you're not fit to own one! Send in the next patient, please?

Slightly too warm for my walk along the lanes but it was windier than forecast. I shall of course be seeking compensation for hurt feelings. A flurry of swallows was practicing its acrobatics but not with the same vigour and discipline of the other day. Yesterday's wet weather had ensured mass casualties of slugs on my traditional and well worn route beside the verge. Had I know in advance I could have worn my alpine gaiters. No ride today.

Saturday 22nd 64-72F,18-22C, cloudy to overcast with bright periods and light winds. Walked to the village and back. Light traffic but heavy on swallows. Trike shopping beckons! A headwind going. More of a crosswind coming back laden.  Saw several riders out training, single and in small groups. The T de F procession is over for another year. Did anybody win? 15 miles.

Sunday 23rd 60-66F, 15C, heavy overcast with a breeze. It was barely half past seven when I set off, picking my way carefully through all the slugs. Another splatter fest for these creatures which will shortly inherit the earth. Depressed and suppressed were acceptable terms for this morning's toddle. The  birds seemed fewer and more distant than usual. The dull, flat light seemed almost to press down on the landscape. Removing the usual joy and delight of multi-coloured, rolling fields interspersed with trees, hedges, copses and forest. The sparkle seemed to have gone out of it all today.

The forecast is for a very wet day with thundery showers and possible cloudbursts. Hence my early stroll along the lanes before the DMI's dire, early radar warnings dump themselves quite literally, all over us. Torrential rain, with local flashes and loud thunder, arrived at 10.50am. It dried up later allowing me to potter about outside. Now I am back indoors the swallows are swooping round and around in the garden. If they get the midges which bit us both earlier then that will be a win.

If you reached this far and remain in some doubt: "Bananas" is a reference to the statement of anger by the gentleman who shot the overhead workman's vans for [unnecessarily] blocking his driveway. Videoed live and widely distributed.

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