6 Apr 2022

6.04.2022 Reinventing myself as single.

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 Wednesday 6th 36F, a long wet day with gales promised. Up at 6am. I had a fairly, normal night.

They should be coming for the hospital bed and accessories at 11am. That will give me some floor space for sorting "Her" home contents. I wonder who is responsible for collecting the medicines and other stuff covering the dining table?

 I am still struggling with tidying up. After so many years I have to keep stopping myself from continuing worn-out habits. I have to completely rethink myself  as one person, living alone.

 What do I need in the way of clothing and storage? Opening my small wardrobe shows clothes I wore in England. Tweed is completely inappropriate over here. Shirts acceptable. Clothing defines class and status in England. Here, the managing director often wears jeans and a t-shirt. I usually wear dark, old fleece clothing because of my practical hobbies. Comfortable, hides the dirt and nobody will ever see me anyway.

 What do I actually need in the way of furniture? Even such simple things as crockery, utensils, pots and pans in the kitchen. The layout was distinctly storage minded and cramped because of the boxes and furniture which housed it all. Her boxes are now neatly stacked and the furniture gone. This leaves masses of room, which we never had, but still takes up useful space.

 Everything to do with the household was previously ordered and maintained by my wife. I have no cooking skills beyond eggs, beans and toast. How will I develop enough knowledge to provide some variety in my diet? YouTube? 

 The cooker is old and almost unusable now. We discussed its replacement but she really didn't care. I wasn't very demanding when it came to meals. So she was bored with the repetition. We invested in a vintage style, mini oven and matching toaster not long ago. Great for meals on toast. The only downside is the lack of hot plates. Which probably means a new cooker. The contents of the boxes hidden behinds the cooker haven't even been looked at yet.

 The house was very much gardening and plants-woman oriented. There are growing shelves in the front hall. They make it difficult to move past and must go very soon. The lean-to greenhouse is full of her stuff and covering the entire floor. What, on earth, do I do with all that ironwork she collected? It has no more use to me than the bamboo furniture which supported her pot plants. Just throwing it all in the scrap container at the recycling yard seems like sacrilege. Some of it is vintage if not actually antique. She was fussy about her purchases.

 For 25 years we mostly lived upstairs in the open plan attic. Watched TV and browsed across one half and slept in the other. Her storage system was literally everywhere. Though I never really thought about it at the time. I have no need of any of it. Dump all the furniture and basketwork at the recycling yard and move on?

 Her glass and china collection is a serious problem for me. Sheer bulk, fragility and huge variations in value. I haven't a clue how to sell any of it. My experience of the online small ads websites is very negative so far. Far too much tat being sold for pennies. Rapid movement of my ads from page 1 to page 40 and very few viewers anyway. An auction system would avoid setting the wrong price. Which could be safely upped by higher bids. Those few who were interested in my items were penny pinchers!

 The auction house never bothered to get back to me on its free valuations service. I can just imagine their auctions. A few bored people coming in from the rain. No serious bidders. So no serious prices.

  8.35. I have lit the stove but can't summon up the energy to go to the recycling yard. I have another trailer full of rubbish waiting to go. Including our hastily demolished 1970's 3-seater settee to make room for the hospital bed. She loved that sofa!

 Wet and windy does not make for a pleasant experience at the recycling yard. If I don't go then I have wasted another opportunity to get rid of more stuff within a reasonable distance.

 The parking area at home is a tip! Furniture and other stuff everywhere from being hastily removed from the house. Nothing of value to me though. My back keeps complaining. Which makes loading [and unloading] the heavy oak furniture into the trailer very hard work on my own.

 Just getting the car to the trailer is fraught with difficulty. I bought a cheap boat winch to help join the two but there are no anchor points in the right place. Except the car tow hook...? Think man!

 Once the lounge floor and trailer are emptied I can get cracking again. I haven't even considered tidying the shed/workshop so far. It needs dry, still weather to get lots of stuff out. This is vital to avoid it getting in the way. It must not get wet but the forecast is awful! Double and triple handling is just a waste of time and energy.

 No walk [bad weather] morning coffee and a toasted roll at 9am. I am beginning to deal with the shock now, but depression is rapidly setting in. My constant activity has blunted the trauma so far. Give or take the frequent crying sessions. Her sudden absence still seems inexplicable and leaves a huge chasm in my life. She was everything and everywhere all of the time. I keep finding myself racked with guilt. Remembering something I could, or should have done, but didn't.

 Two more trailer loads taken to the recycling yard. Occasionally windy but not too wet so far. The hospital bed was collected. I still have a large dresser to get rid of. Massively heavy! I might as well take a sledge hammer/splitting maul to it. That will make me feel better for its trespassing on my kitchen floor for so many years!

 I used a large, lump hammer instead. Very satisfying it was too. A tea trolley and a massive coffee table joined the dresser at the recycling yard. I have wanted to get rid of that damned coffee table for over 20 years! Revenge is mine at last! 

13.30 I have just finished lunch after yet another trip to the recycling yard. Is that the eleventh? I've lost count. The lounge/dining room suddenly looks empty. Next step is to thoroughly vacuum the carpets. Large areas were inaccessible for decades!

A local carpentry business is due at 15.00 to discuss the gable end, bedroom window replacement. I checked online but there is a 2 month waiting list. For online orders, for made to measure windows, to be delivered. I wonder if there are better alternatives available off the shelf?

17.00 The builder did not turn up. Meanwhile I spent two hours unwrapping the contents of eight, large, banana boxes. These had been brought to Denmark from the UK when we moved here. They had been stacked under the open stairs and [supposedly] remained there for 25 years. The wrapping newspaper was mostly dated 1995 and from the North Wales, Bangor & Caernarfon local papers.

 Though some of it was Danish. Suggesting a repack of items bought here. It took me a full hour to flatten the newspaper out again over my knees. It needed compacting. I segregated the shiny print from the newsprint. I shall use the normal paper to light the stove. The shiny stuff can go to the recycling yard paper container. This will avoid ink toxins indoors. 

 The boxes had been packed out with odd lengths of wood. To stop the contents from moving about in transit. I have enough kindling now to last for ages. My wife was incredibly patient and thorough.

 The contents of these boxes was rather interesting. Loads of pristine, vintage, Boots The Chemist bottles. My wife used to dig them up from the garden at our cottage. These bottles come in several sizes. Listed at £5-10 on eBay[UK] There are 21 of those in three different sizes. Plus a lot of other bottles. 

 There were also some vintage/antique kitchen/butchery [?] implements. In plated metal, some were hand driven, meat grinders/mincers. Stacks of dished, cutting disks for different coarseness of the finished product. Some more familiar, cylindrical meat grinders or mincers. Some original, blacksmith made, door hinges, hinge pins and Suffolk latches. These could be any age. Collections of shells and interesting stones from our seaside, camping holidays when we were much younger.  

 All this activity is taking my mind off the yawning gap on the home front. Keep busy, keep cooking, keep eating, keep showering. Laundry, washing up, stove, opening boxes, sorting contents, recycling yard, shopping & sleep.


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