4 Jun 2018

4th June 2018 Here be dragons!


Monday 4th 61-74F, 16-23C, another overcast morning but with a fidgety breeze. Here one moment. Gone the next. Busy day, with heavy shopping in the car. No time for a walk or a ride.

Tuesday 5th 61F, 74C, almost dead calm, bright and sunny. A little cooler as I walked anticlockwise up to the woods and back along the track. The countryside is looking gorgeous with the ripening crops still hanging onto their different colours. I watched as a distant sprayer unfurled its leathery wings to breathe fire upon the innocent below. The drought continues with dire warnings of fires and water abuse. Too busy for a ride today.

Meanwhile, in Ye Olde Løndøn, a Grate British oxcart drover, a certain Mr Julian Lewis, Esquire, of Her Royal Majesty's Government of the Empire and Colonies. It is reported by ye olde towne cryer, that He [Mr Julian Lewis] has railed thusly about the horrid "filent" cyclifts and highwaymen of the New Forest byways and bridleways. Whom, he Sayf, verily, are wont to cause Grate alarm in Her Majesty's Owne Landes. Particularly to local sheep drovers by miscreant, wandering peaffants, [sic] with [their] new-fangled pedaffed contraptions. 

Alas, all for the lack of a bell to call themselves to prayers! Has He [Mr Julian Lewis] not heard that such Cyliffts may Oft times be heard to cry; "Beware, beware, the Ides of March!" Or the, rather more traditional and relevant in the case of the New Foreft; "Gerroff the bleedin' road you 'orrible, bleedin', Jaywalkin' peafant and take your retractable corgi lead with you!!  

Mr Julian Lewis would [no doubt] have the ownership of Ye olde cycling [prayer] bell be made compulsory for all such pedal driven machines. Or have repeated offenders face deportation to Her Majesty's Colonies. Nay, even public execution [sic] at Her Majesty's own jib or block!

As an itinerant, cycling peasant myself, I feel that bells are complete overkill and often downright rude in quiet surroundings. The timing and effort put into the "ding" is everything. Too late and it is a bullying demand for the road ahead to be cleared. Too loud and it's like shouting the F-word in a gentleperson's ear. "Get out of my Fizzing way!"

Most rural cyclists are not New Money BMW/Audi Market trader yobs. Nor even retired gangsters. Mr Lewis should remember this and perhaps get a real life. And a tricycle. AND, tell his constituents to leave their iPhoneys at home. So they can actually hear the cycle and [no doubt] its panting rider approaching from afar.

Would he prefer his wandering flock to be assailed by biker gangs on noisy Harleys? Or screaming Japanese and growling Italian super-bikes? Denmark can offer all of these [in abundance] should he [badly] need a holiday. It's like TT week at the IOM most warm evenings and weekends around here. 😎

 MP rails against 'silent rogue cyclists' - BBC News

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