19 Mar 2017

18th March 2017 Extreme inactivity.


Saturday 18th 41F, 5C, overcast, light breeze with showers at first. Injuries less painful today, but I'm not sure I'm allowed a ride before the Chief Medical Officer has signed me off. I suppose that means I shan't be allowed my vital asthma medicine like all "proper" cyclists have in their water bottles these days. It seems I may have to shop in the car provided I can still depress the clutch with my sore foot. I'd better wear my walking boots despite being officially "Excused Boots" on medical grounds.

I was just reading a story on the BBC News about a South American people who walk for miles every day and have the world's healthiest hearts. I think we may have the answer to the Western obesity pandemic: Just make takeaway drive throughs walking on the spot throughs. McLardy's could even raise their prices and pretend to be a real gymnasium. Just like they pretend to sell real food.

After braving a tentative and painful hobble to the end of the drive and back, I drove to the shops. This is definitely the thin end of the wedge! Before long I shall have put on 15 stones and have begun to be a McLardy's litter lout. Anything to hide my awful secret from the Chief Medical Officer [Aka:The Head Gardener] on the way home. Not that I can ever hide anything from Her.

By then I shall be going around telling any one who will listen: "It's, like, me glands, see? I'm a martyr to big bone disease, as well, of course." As I stuff down my second McWhopper in as many minutes followed by two, dark, 2 liter cylinders of CO2la, crude oil colouring and enriched sugar. You'd think a huge burp would help but all that CO2 is heavier than air! So I'd be a martyr to CO2, as well, as I waddled from the car to the supermarket, then back again, while heavily laden. With each thigh travelling in a short semicircular, reciprocating orbit, one around the other, as exploding gas erupts from every orifice. "More tea, vicar?" 

Sunday 19th 33-36F, 1-2C, heavy overcast and breezy. All day, wintry showers forecast.  Still dry at 10am when I had returned from my walk. Both feet were aching at times but gradually subsided. I managed a couple of miles along the lanes and back. The fidgety Fieldfares easily outnumbered the starlings today. First signs of leaves opening in a couple of thorny roadside shrubs. The first Wagtails have arrived.


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