3 Apr 2016

3rd April 2016 [2] "If Carradice were half as nice.."


With apologies to Amen Corner. A brief, sunny interlude found me out in the garden repairing my Carradice Bijou Camper saddlebag strap. Bought new direct from the Carradice factory [skip?] in July 2012.

My affectation of a nautical sail repairer was hampered by the waterproof lid lining material. The original Carradice seamstress having the advantage of naked [cotton] duck to work with. Nonetheless I contrived to re-use the original [wonky] perforations made by the industrial sewing machine back in't'dark satanic mills. Such was the vice like grip of the leather on my needle that I resorted to thin, rubber, mechanics gloves. [Get a grip!] An old wooden clothes peg doubled as an impromptu thimble to force the needle down through the holes.

Rattling away at the computer keyboard has not [alas] provided me with the calloused mitts of a jolly jack tar. Whom, without the slightest doubt, would have completed the task with far less effort, in half the time and still managed a far superior rendition of an old sea ditty as he did so.

"All me own work, guv, honest!"

The yellow wedge is 15cm or 6" long. Carradice claim their bag is 23cm deep. [front to back] The 8cm difference means that over 3" of bag capacity over the entire width and depth is completely missing. 

Spot the [obvious] asymmetry and win an £85 wonky Carradice Camper for [cough] only £85 pounds entry fee! Don't miss your chance to wind this bag. Enter now! Only £85 and this bag could be yours!
I keep wondering, as you do, whether Carradice would entertain an order for a full sized Camper to their oft-published dimensions. Exactly as they appear on their own website and in every online advert by their dealers.

Perhaps a donation to a charity, of their own choosing, would smooth the way and avoid red faces at the local Trading Standards Office?

I glanced up to see my more distant [pyromaniac] neighbour was attempting his own scale model of an Apollo, Moon Landing rocket launch. Bright flames soared high above the hedge as several months of carefully selected, domestic detritus were ignited with a good splash of petrol as a handy, DIY accelerant. I'm sure NASA never went to so much trouble to dispose of unwanted debris from their daily activities. Fortunately his smoke missed us by a mile. Though sending smoke signals between fellow pyromaniacs may have been his purpose. Whether this was intentional I have no idea but his usual billowing clouds of smoke have been known to badly impede traffic. Though never enough to feature on the Danish News Headlines. At least not to my own knowledge. Probably too "everyday" to be worthy of mention.

My nearest [pyromaniac] neighbour was not so [physically] handicapped by sheer distance. So easily managed to send us a good dose of the best lung searing stuff our way. A long-practiced skill going back for nearly two decades in our own direct experience. Our predecessor died of lung cancer, according to local legend, so they may have had a nefarious part in his demise. No names, no pack drill, but we'll keep on coughing and just hoping for the best.

Click on any image for an enlargement.


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