8th April 2019 Two April hares don't make a March.

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Monday 8th 41F, bright and sunny again but much cooler. With a variable, northerly breeze. I walked across the fields up to the woods via the freshly formed, spray tracks.

Saw two large hares but they quickly receded into the distance along the edge of the woods. Came back down the edges of the fields by another way. Bit of a chilly and gusty gale building. It stayed sunny but cool all day.

Tuesday 9th 36-42F, white frost, cold but sunny. Still stinking of pig's shit. A walk to the lanes as a large tractor dragged a vast, pig's muck spreader around the fields surrounding our rural hovel. A chill, northly wind seemed almost appropriate to the occasion. There's no shit without profit.

Wednesday 10th 26-42F, cold northerly breeze, early sunshine has given way to cloud. Breathtaking stench of pig shit again. A brisk walk to the village and back. A tiny flurry of snow or light, frozen rain fell as I turned into the drive, but it soon stopped. A long, grey day peaking at 40F. Spent on the lathe in an unheated shed enjoying hypothermia.

The giant pig's diarrhoea squid races back across the prairie for a refill.



Thursday 11th 32-41F, another white frost, calm and bright at the moment. [7.00am]  The forecast is for lots of sun or not much sun. Spooky? Or just the two faces of Danish weather forecasting? Take your pick. We saw 26F and 66F within a few days of each other. Neither forecast ammonia clouds and pig shit though.

A two hour walk to the Far woods! Then back through the nearer woods and down the edges of the fields. It must have been the early sunshine because I took 111 photographs. I saw six very large deer. Mostly singly, but a doe and full grown male calf, with downy antlers, hovered indecisively. While I snapped away at full zoom wasting photons.

They say they have discovered a new race of early mankind in a cave in the Philippines. Well, I met one of those in the supermarket today. I was queuing behind two big, young lumps from the school across the way. When a full sized example of Pignoramus ginormii pushed in front of me. Whereupon I asked if he was "special" [as you do] but was told he was "with them."

At seven feet tall and about as wide across the shoulders, he was sporting a natty stubble worthy of any invading Dane. I said that I thought the Danes were supposed to be polite but it bounced right off a back the size of a double garage door. I shall have to give daily thanks that there weren't more of them in the group or I could still be queuing! Mind you, on a diet of sticky sweets I don't hold out much hope for his long term survival. So they may well discover his remains some way down the road to extinction. If I was his size I'd be keeping a wary eye out for asteroids!

A rustic machine gun tower for lazy hunters. Or a practice build by the Danish, New Far Right. Busy planning detention camps for all immigrants as soon as they get into power. Lock up your art treasures! There's sure to be looting.

Friday 12th 30F, bright but rather cloudy with a white frost on the grass. A walk to the lanes as a pair of geese flew round and around a copse in circles. The pig's diarrhoea squid was back to give the fields at least their third drenching this week. The stench is unbelievable! A nauseatingly strong stink of ammonia!

Talking of unbelievable: An assessment of the effects of the fleet of Chumpy's F35s on Denmark suggests that 900 villages will be directly effected by illegal noise levels. If this were industry it would require long term hearing protection. Of course "they" tried to pretend there wasn't a noise problem at all. With billions of taxpayer's, stolen, life savings at stake they have a serious problem of citizen persuasion. It snowed in the afternoon! Everything went white for a while but it soon vanished at 38F amid watery sunny periods.

Click on any image for an enlargement.

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