15 Aug 2015

16th August 2015 Camera cars causing a stink in Elysium!

Saturday 15th 61-76F, 16-24C, gales, heavy overcast, tipping down with continuous thunder and lightning. You'd have to be a brave soul to go out on a trike today! Cloudbursts and thunderstorms are forecast with a [slight] chance of brightness this afternoon.  As a teenanger [sic] I was once caught in a thunderstorm many miles from home on my racing bike. It was absolutely rather terrifying frightening with all the flashing going on all around me! Despite being exceedingly wet and wearing only my pretend racing jersey [and knitted shorts] I eventually arrived home safely. Only to get a a massive shock from earthing myself through the antique railings outside our house! No doubt a static build up was just waiting for me to put a wrong foot down. This is what they [falsely] call "survival of the fittest." Hitler had a lot to say about this after several escapes from certain death. Though I'm not sure he ever rode a bike in a thunderstorm. 

The new Danish liberal government is talking about scrapping the new fleet of police camera cars. They are said to be so short of cash that they are asking the Russians to send over some of the food crushing bulldozers to speed up the process. There is a wonderful irony in the frivolous waste of taxpayer's money which Putin would easily recognise in the liberal party leader. Why is first class globe trotting with a massive and [very unseemly] "flexible" expense account the privilege of only those few "who serve?" Do they also serve, those who merely look on in total disbelief?

Copenhagenize.com - Bicycle Culture by Design: Lost Leader

There is now talk, in exalted places, free of all taxpaying reality, of having fixed cameras on known, dangerous stretches of road. That would [presumably] be outside all the schools where the sociopaths practice their "driving skills" at 142kmh? That's over 90mph, in real figures, in a 30mph zone! Going on past form the perp probably enjoyed a £5 fine for his trouble provided he claimed he was pissed, high and talking on his mobile phone. At least he didn't kill three small girls, by texting, while speeding. So this was what magistrates call a "victimless crime." Had it been otherwise it would have cost him almost £600 in fines! For the texting. Not the slaughter of those three, innocent little girls.

The fear of the unknown [speed camera cars] is a wonderfully democratic tool for reducing road speeds to the barely legal. On my recent drive to town, to buy a desperately needed new 'pooter, the traffic was remarkably more self-disciplined than I am wont to observe. Certainly a startling comparison with the "normal" sociopathically selfish and mobile lunacy which drove me to give up driving for my health's sake. I would become so angry at being constantly, dangerously and illegally overtaken by family cars stuffed full of kids, that it was doing my blood pressure no good at all!

I put the recent, massive reduction in average road speeds squarely down to the camera car effect. Aided and abetted by all the publicity they have been getting in the media. The majority of those who expressed an opinion were in favour of the camera cars. A minority wanted to continue speeding without the slightest risk of any expense. Like those 6000, poor, innocent souls recently caught in a single speed "trap." This, despite having hundreds of yards and multiple signs to warn them that the cliff edge was approaching fast. Herr & Fru Lemmingson must have been blinded by all those flashing warning lights!

Apparently, the speeding fines have only added up to 140 million DKK [or about £14 million pounds in real money] over the first half year. Half, in fact, of last year's haul without the camera cars. So you could argue the camera cars are working wonderfully well in reducing speeds. Or, conversely, that they are not generating enough revenue for the Great Leader's flexible expense accounts. So, in a desperate attempt to boost their Great  Leader's "flexible pocket money allowance" the ["He made me do it!"] politic-underdogs now obediently complain about the need for a policeman in every camera car. When [supposedly] they could be doing something far more useful than [say] saving lives? Or guarding the Great Leader on his infamous, international bike rides. Where the "peloton" consists entirely of secret policemen on hired racing bikes. With further security details in assorted vehicles and helicopters nearby. The Great Leader must always be allowed to win. While minions take copious notes on his brilliant strategy, remarkable stature and unmatched expense accounting skills.

The newly freed-up policemen [from the scrapped speed camera cars] should really be doing things like extra paperwork, perhaps? Or ensuring the bankers continue to enjoy total freedom from prosecution for destroying the world as we know it? Or rottenApple avoiding paying any taxes [at all] on their humongous, new server center and any of their billions of local earnings. The Great Server Center is presently being built, entirely at Danish taxpayer's expense, on a greenfield site in the desolate wastes of western Denmark. Since Putin's the Russian ban on Danish bacon imports a number of hideously underpaid, Eastern European farm workers have lost their jobs as pig farming became even less profitable. Rather than exporting these workers back home ASAP they will be employed at rottenApple's vast new establishment as canteen workers, computer boffins and gardeners.

I wonder whether The Great [self] Server Site will also enjoy complete freedom from pig shit spreading within a tolerable radius? Say sixteen kilometers or ten miles [in real money] should do the trick. They will have to bring in all the visiting VIPs by helicopter anyway. Just to avoid all the speeding convoys of Danish pig lorries on their way down to Germany where the animals can practice their ritual, halal rites. However, the visiting VIPs might still be exposed to a few micro-seconds of the foul stench between stepping onto the 22 carrot[sic] solid gold brick, landing pad and entering the VIP sphincter on the top floor. The one leading directly to the 7-star director's restaurant and ego massage area. We can't possibly have the elite suffering from obnoxious smells, can we? Not in Jutland's very own Elysium. Burp! ;ΓΈ]

I will probably delete all this foolishness when the rain and thunder finally stop. So enjoy it while you can. What is the the Danish word for "treason?" And does it apply to fremede invandrer pensionister? I think I should be safe from being further exiled for my radicalizing rants. They can't even get rid of the organized crime bosses and serial hate preachers. They might break a fingernail getting onto their taxpayer-pre-paid, 1st class private jets if they were ever sent back home.

I suppose I might just qualify as low hanging fruit and suitable fodder for taking a swift exit, stage left. What if I claimed that the UK is far too dangerous for pensioners? Which it obviously is because most of them will die sooner or later. I wonder if there is an Ecuadorian embassy nearby? I hear Sweden is nice at this time of year.

Only a short ride as it started raining at half way. 16-20mph going. 16-20mph coming back. The wind turbines didn't know which way to turn. My rear brake was rattling and needed urgent attention with an Allen/hex key. It was very lucky I didn't pass any police camera cars as I careered, completely unrestrained towards home to avoid getting [too] wet! 7 miles. 

PS. The management would like to extend their sincere apologies for the recent lack of decorative pictures. This is caused by an impoverished Google's inability to keep Picasa up to date with MS Windups latest, catastrophic release. Leading to at least five copies of every single image being quintriplicated by Picasa. With a sixth copy well under way before the relevant authorities were forced to pull the plug. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

Sunday 16th 63-71F, 17-22C, a grey, misty start but clearing to sunshine. Light winds and a dry forecast promise the potential for a decent ride. But will he take the bait? I finally set off eastwards mid-morning with Junior on the rack. Bright sunshine very slowly gave way to overcast throughout the day. The wind was never very strong but was variable. Loads of cyclist out training, solo and in small and large groups. Part of the way back from Ringe was on the narrow gauge cycle path. Fortunately I met only one pedestrian and three cyclists but had the tarmac to myself most of the way. What is it with wearing headphones in the countryside? I was still going well at the end. 56 miles hardly makes up for a very poor week.

Click on any image for an enlargement.


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