2 Apr 2017

2nd April 2017 About face!


Sunday 2nd April, 47-56F, 8-13C, almost calm, heavy grey overcast, light mist. Promise of showers and a threat of sunny periods. The Chief Medical Officer keeps referring to my rhino hide. So I have to apply copious quantities of the old SPF50 to my neck before being allowed to slip out by the Servant's Entrance in a wide-brimmed, cycling helmet. It was so dark this morning that I overslept until 7.25am. Exactly the same time as yesterday. One can only blame the clocks springing forward. I didn't get where I am today being a lie-abed! 
There are problems enough in the world according to the BBC. Apparently there is a black hole in a Croydon pub which is attracting scum like a zombie plague. Just ask the irate, local MP. Who tweeted: "It really gets my Goat! They should build a GREAT WALL around that pub." At least, I think that is what he said. Google Translate doesn't do Cockney Rhyming Slang yet. So I had to use a bit of imagination in my translation to Pidgin Danish and thence to the familiarity of Ye Olde Twirle Anglo-Saxon. The BBC has an awful lot to answer for!

My walk was interrupted, at intervals, by changeable weather. Just when the windmills were stretching for another day they slowly creaked to a stop. With hardly a zephyr to complain about the starter motors obviously couldn't cope after the batteries had gone flat overnight.

There was a troubling sight as I approached the village. The local McSlobbery outbreak is fast becoming a pandemic. The virus has obviously mutated into aerial transmission of a parallel strain of Belcher King. McSlobs will have to seriously rethink their viral packaging if they are to continue competing for the verges. I wonder whether these two giants of discarded packaging pay remotely enough taxes to subsidize the terrifying increase in surgery for those too obese to feed themselves? The Danish news relates a Dastardly plan by the politic-ooze to deny surgery to anyone weighing under 3 tons! Which, I suppose, probably means most of them will starve to death! 
Despite the unhappy timing of the traditional, spring spreading of the spiky twigs the birds are becoming overabundant. The dozens of new nests in the roadside hedges had been totally decimated by the tractor clipper. Yet, hardly a branch of the surrounding trees is free from the feathered tree rats. Even the Red Kites are at it! Like buses, you can wait for ages and then two come along at the same time! Don't you just hate copycats?

Local children have abandoned their healthy indoor pursuits to explore the set-aside fields. None of them look old enough to hold down a steady job behind the checkouts at Fakta. I blame the parents!

If it gets any darker I shall have to fit my lights back on the trike before setting off. I have been saving my ration cards for organic milk but  they rarely have any stock. When I complained to the manager he just sneered and said ; Cut out the middle man." He presumed it would be healthier to eat the grass ourselves. To which I retorted; "What about spray drift?" To which he had no answer.

Left before lunch with a helpful wind to reach a distant garden center. I had to stop and remove my jacket on a long climb because it was so warm. At nearly 3/4 of the way there my wife rang me to see how I was progressing. I was then remotely controlled to another destination. At which point it became very dark so I donned my jacket again. To fight the wind all the way home. 27 miles remembering to keep my cadence high. I was doing a lot climbing out of the saddle. So may have undone the good intentions of spinning everywhere.

Another top British cyclist injured by SMIDSY driver.

Welsh Olympic cyclist 'lost road confidence' after crash - BBC News


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