29th April 2019 Oi! Get off my mowing grass!

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Monday 29th 50-58F, grey overcast, light breeze and a bit misty. Walked to the lanes in a chilly breeze. Mist cleared to bright sunshine later. Spent hours tidying the shed.

Tuesday 30th 54-66F, rather cloudy but almost still. Walked across the prairie by the wide, bare, spray tracks and was told off by a gentleman in a smart 4WD. I couldn't get near enough for a proper conversation without wading through tall, wet crops. Which was probably for the best. Arguing in my pidgin Danish is not my strongest suit and I doubt I could convince him of anything.

He was the one who complained about me walking along the rough edges of the marsh. That was on 6+ meter wide, very rough grass, with 4WD tyre tracks. A strip which separates the crops from the wet and heavily overgrown marsh. The moles do far more damage to the grass than I could ever do. The 4WDs don't give a damn about going yards out into the crops. Where the rough track is far too cambered to make safe progress just to feed the ducks for gun fodder.

It would never cross my mind to do any damage [at all] to the crops or anything else. I keep to the bare soil made by their huge machines. The farmers think nothing of making a huge area of completely bare soil where they turn their vast machines on their valuable cops. They think nothing of reversing out into the crops if it suits their immediate purposes. This all helps me to walk the fields with a clear conscience. They obviously don't agree.

The Danes have no rights of way in the countryside like Britain's walkers. Clearly marked public footpaths are as rare as hen's teeth here. I can only think of one and that is 20 miles away! Many woods are free to walk in within certain rules of access and times. Reaching those same woods might be a very difficult if the former small fields have been turned into vast prairies with the loss of historical tracks and paths. Old footpaths often ran along the hedges which separated the much smaller fields of yesteryear.

As each small farmer retired or went broke, with nobody willing or able to afford to take over, then the land went to the big guys. The system was rigged that way by the offspring having to pay for the farm if they wanted to take over. With the poor economics of small farming it was a guarantee of increased holdings for the larger enterprises. The bigger they were, the bigger their machinery. Which soon led to rolling "prairies" and total hedge clearance on all four sides. The forests and copses only seem to be tolerated for their hunting income.

The social contract with farmers seems very one-sided. I may not walk on their wasted and hard compacted bare earth. But they can and have poisoned my drinking water and my air. They can bring the noise of their activities inside my home, around the clock, without invitation. The stench of pig shit can permeate my home for weeks on end and take my breath away in my own garden. But they would have me arrested if I peed in their farm yard.

They have an open license to leave the roads plastered in their mud. But if anyone should lose control and slide off the road, or into another vehicle, then it is the driver's fault. They do it all for profit and taxpayer's subsidies. We have to pay the taxes to provide their subsidies. They can put up huge barns and silos blocking the light to private homes.

Anyone who wants to build next to a farm needs full planning permission and the farmer can easily object. The farmer can raise vast heaps of hay bales near private homes and often do. Causing shade, an eyesore, noise and smell. While the people directly involved may not even venture onto the farmer's land.

I might see one or possibly two other, rural walkers, PER YEAR, on my daily travels. Often I see no other walkers for several years in a row. You never see kids wandering in the Danish countryside like my generation did back in the UK. We lived out of doors in our free time unless it was actually tipping down. Getting us back in for bedtime was hard enough. We walked, played and ran for miles most days and cycled in between. The very few, fat kids back then were force fed sticky sweets by their abusive parents. Distant shopping in the car. It was warm and sunny in the afternoon.

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26th April 2019 Just another Lego brick in the wall!

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Friday 26th 55F, overcast with a threat of rain later. With Denmark rapidly becoming a desert we really need every drop! Meanwhile, our hero walked to the lanes in warm, sunshine. The birds are going bonkers and scattering everywhere I go. Denmark is enjoying a record high pollen count. Probably thanks to the constantly dry weather.

In celebration of Head Gardener's Day, here is something completely different: A moveable feast, it recognises the diligence and patience as they tend their seeds and bulbs and bring forth such colour to our lives.

A Danish social researcher has come up with an novel way to explain Jante's Law. [The rigid Scandinavian social rules requiring avoidance of anything leading to the slightest increase in self confidence through the attainment of even the most minor, personal success.] Think Cambodian Communism, writ in grey concrete and you won't too be far wrong.

It seems only the 10% with unusual forenames left Denmark in the Great Escape to North America in the late 19th to early 20th century. She explains this as a clear sign of individualism. Brighter parents would have more imagination and name their children appropriately. Leading to brighter offspring with more open minds than the average Dane. Those left behind would be the staid, rule makers and followers. Timeless Keepers of The Village Mentality until hell freezes over. Rather than breakers of moulds and rockers of their immobile, social inheritance. 

The Vikings who went to Greenland survived unchanged for hundreds of years. Until it suddenly turned much colder. In the meantime they had become completely rigid in their social rules and behaviours. So they simply lay down to die when the crops failed.

Even the grass failed and their habit of constantly expanding their herds was found severely wanting. Nothing has really changed, in this respect, 500 years later. Except that the climate is warming dangerously and unexpectedly this time.

More of the same will just not do. Last year they had to set up an emergency system to share fodder with farmers devoid of any other means of feeding their livestock! Which put them even further in debt in an already debt riddled pastime. The parallels with survival peasant farming on the rocky edge of Greenland are too awful to ignore.

Cold-hearted Jante the Sociopath bit them all on their collective bums. Simply because they could not adapt to change. The native Greenlanders had devised suitable survival clothing and housing and lived on by hunting and fishing. While the Viking, peasant farmers stuck to their fixed fashions and home building styles. So they starved and then froze to death.

There is a wonderful irony that Lego bricks were invented in Denmark. Everything fits together with almost invisible seams. With only colour as a variation on a theme. Though certainly not the uniform colour of their own skin.

The point being that nobody sticks out and only the colour of the trade uniform separates them from the whole. Even when they retire the working classes still cling to their distinctive and easily recognisable, colour-coded, trade overalls. No doubt they are laid to rest in them. So they can carry on the Jante tradition in the afterlife.  👷

A later morning ride to a more distant village. The Guinness Monopoly Book of Utterly Pointless Records has disallowed an attempt at the Danish Land Speed Record by a silver-grey estate car on my 60kph/40mph route. The driver was not wearing the correct colour socks to establish an official new record despite easily exceeding 100mph.

Later, I was following a car towing a trailer with a ride-on, garden tractor on board. I stood up to climb uphill when the tractor suddenly rolled out of the trailer and landed right in front of my wheel! Fortunately it did not run back downhill.

Traditional Danish Folk Art. Perhaps representative of a V-Twin motorcycle? The accompanying figure is suggestive of something best left to your own imagination. This is a surprisingly tame example of the type.

These sculptures are a popular, Danish, fertility symbol and usually raised to celebrate a round figure birthday. Often dumped in the middle of the night when the lucky recipient is innocently sleeping.

Being welded together, these constructions are often so heavy and bulky that they cannot easily be removed. Usually leading to an extended period of bemused embarrassment. Before a scrap metal lorry with a crane can call to rid the neighbourhood of the tasteless eyesore.

Two loading ramps had also slid out of the trailer along with the tractor. So I threw one of them across the road behind the tractor's rear wheels, just in case. Despite the huge bang the very elderly driver had kept going for a couple of hundreds yards before he finally stopped. He muttered something unintelligible at me as I rode past him as he walked back.

Thank goodness I wasn't wearing an action cam! Or could have spent the rest of my life in a detention centre on an island. Under constant threat of deportation for serious crimes against [Danish] humanity's absolute right to privacy to carry out all and any criminal acts undisturbed.

After that it started raining rather seriously. Which served me right for wishing I had been wearing an action camera to become a viral sensation overnight. By the time I reached home there was nothing for it but to stand and drip in the bathroom. While I threw everything I was wearing into the bath to drain off enough to go in the laundry. 15 miles and going well. Am I having fun yet? At least the drought has been delayed for a while and the pigs can breathe a deep sigh of relief. There have now been several hours of rumbling thunder.

Saturday 27th 52-63[?]F, overcast, steamy and misty after overnight rain. We had some sun but I have no idea which weather forecasting service to blame. Even the clouds couldn't make up their minds which way to go. Two obvious streams crossing each other at 45 degrees! Only in Denmark.

Sunday 28th 49F. Heavy grey overcast with a risk of sunshine. Or rain and no sunshine. Do two opposites in weather forecasting cancel each other out? An 8 mile ride to the shops. It stayed dry but rather cloudy. I am pleased to report that no garden tractors fell into my path today.

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25th April 2019 Burdened!

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Thursday 25th 52F, overcast and breezy with sunny periods promised. It has become steadily darker over the last hour. Slight mist or haze is softening the more distant views.

Small patches of blue sky threw bright splodges briefly onto the fields. A determined rag-bag of rooks were working the verges in the lanes. They would lift off with each passing car to return as soon as the danger had passed. Until I arrived and they sought the shelter of the trees. I saw my first proper group of swallows after seeing only single birds over the last few days.

The Danes want people to send in their recordings of how Denmark sounds. I thought it sounded just like any other place in the world. Where Chumpy's costly jet fighters play out their endless dogfights in the skies, all day long, at heavily burdened, taxpayer's expense.

Talking of burdens: Private Danish citizens who employ unregistered, part time cleaners and au pairs can be fined huge sums for not properly policing an immigrant's true status.

After they have checked all of their paperwork they must then follow the person home and clearly mark the person's front door.[If they have one] This ensures no "dangerous" au pairs are missed for rehousing in the island detention camps presently being set up in Denmark.

A gaudy male pheasant practices his goose-stepping in honour of the two genocidal dictators having a get-together in Moscow. The colour similarities to Pootin's finest is quite remarkable!

Fortunately Norway is much less demanding of its immigrants and cheerfully taking all the badly underpaid, fully qualified, Danish nurses who have resigned from the Danish hospitals. The Danish Prime Minister, fresh from losing countless billions in fraudulent tax claims, after his last money saving scheme, is aiming for the health services next. With another of his splendid <cough> cost cutting exercises. Well, the vast fleet of Chumpy's noisy new F35s certainly won't pay for themselves!

And, then there's all those noise-cancelling, ear defenders the Danish people are going to need. Not that the government will be handing them out for free. They will be supplied by a foreign owned [offshore] monopoly who will charge several times the price of these things anywhere else in Europe. The director of the company will soon be "let go" for tax fraud and sexual assault but still paid billions in bonus for his "efficiency."

I spent an hour changing a tyre and tube and giving the trike a thoroughly good clean. The stainless steel frame was given a good polish with a clean rag. The chain spray, which I have to use so regularly to combat the vicious, winter, road salting, coats everything in thick and sticky gunge.

I ride so little these days that pride in ownership has rather taken a back seat. I was given some lovely bright socks, as a present, recently. So I shall be able to flash those on my next ride as the only one in the village. I didn't want them getting terminally dirty on their first outing. Every present has its price! 😉

With luck they will have some bread in the local supermarket today after a week of empty shelves. Any pretence at Scandinavian socialism here is as empty as Cuba's socialism. As always, it's just that completely the wrong people are in charge.  Meanwhile, the <cough> special offers advertised by the supermarkets before Easter were never [ever] available.

I tried another branch yesterday and there was still bugger-all to be found of any of the special offers. "Special" as in as rare as hen's teeth. Quote "We never received them." All of these items just happened to be standard fare in our household and usually bought from competing chains at slightly higher prices. Lies, damned lies, pigbullshit and Danish supermarkets, eh? 

Local Danish councils are being asked [yet again] to recheck the largely privately owned, Danish water supplies. Yet another, completely banned, highly carcinogenic, agricultural poison has reached the deep bore, water table of many sites.

The EU is so generous with their [land area based] agricultural subsidies that the Danish farmers have begun to use the public verges for growing crops. Don't worry, though, nobody will notice for at least a decade or two and by then it will be too late to do anything about it.

The cost of moving water supply boreholes to clean sites will be probably exceed the cost of rebuilding Notre Damn in the promised, jewel-encrusted, solid gold and platinum by the "down to earth" El "Froggy" Precidenté Macaroon.

The tax-free, "offshore" classes will get to subtly hint about their hidden wealth [to each other] with tax-deductible donations in an understated sort of way. Well, if it wasn't that, they'd be throwing away hundreds of millions in their worker's slave wage cuts on another of Picasso's, infantile daubs.

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22nd April 2019 Brown fog!

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Monday 22nd 50-65F, yet more of the amazingly warm and sunny weather. Denmark is officially at risk of drought after a lack of rain during April.

The fields and gardens are already dusty. I walked the spray tracks across a field in both directions just for a change of scenery. I watch out for Skylarks nests as I go but my boots are much smaller than the farmer's machines.

Tuesday 23rd 57-64[?]F, bright sunshine again but already blowing a gale. Expected to gust to 45mph later. Afternoon, heavy shopping in the car. There were brown dust clouds over most of the fields. Even those with crops growing.

Today's entertainment was provided by pig's muck spreading on a gargantuan scale. A huge machine was trundling along the spray tracks, arms outstretched and unreeling a huge, feed hose at it went. With such a strong wind at my back I was not really bothered by the smell. In the fierce sunlight I snapped away in the hope of at least one decent picture.

A tractor was busy collecting empty hose back onto its reels. While huge, 7-axle tankers kept arriving to refill the container with the massive, diesel, feed pump beside the road on the other side of the very large, but undulating field.

I have seen similar systems over the past couple of years but this one seemed to travel much more quickly. Though with frequent stops and reversals to cover the ground most efficiently. The sheer length of the arms made sense from a field coverage point of view. A million miles and well over half a century from watching muck spreaders in my youth.

Wednesday 24th 53F rather cloudy and still windy but the gales have much reduced. Only a tiny drop of the promised, overnight rain seems to have reached us. With the blue sky monopoly now broken where will the 9/10 drought warning take us? A walk to the lanes. The easterly wind was still strong enough to make it feel quite chilly.

Yesterday's brown clouds over the fields were ominous and potentially catastrophic for the farmers. Many of whom suffered a major loss on expected crop yields in last year's drought. Animals were going short on fodder.

Luckily this isn't climate change. Or that infinitely wise Mr [Al] Chump-one would surely admit it? Meanwhile all the scientists on a [Liberal/Commy/Pinko/Faggot] mission claim the Greenland ice melt is now in 6th gear of overdrive compared with 1980. When the melting was already well beyond any previous experience.

Plans for a short ride today were cancelled with the discovery of a flat rear tyre.

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17th April 2019 Give me sunshine!

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Wednesday 17th 40F, warmer but bright and sunny again. With more to come and higher temperatures promised over the next few days.

I thought I'd better post a picture to celebrate the arrival of spring in this lovely, woodland garden. More beautiful flowers than you could possibly wish for. I leave it to the dedicated plants-persons to identify them all.

The weather here has been amazing. A little cool at times but with almost continuous sunshine for days on end. A cool easterly wind but not too uncomfortable.

The geese were doing their noisy rounds again. I can't tell whether she is nagging about the poor accommodation at the copse. Or his forgetting her birthday. They called a temporary truce and landed together. To stand on the field about ten feet apart pretending to ignore each other. That didn't last long though. Soon they headed off towards the lake at the far end of the village with the leader still complaining bitterly about something, or other. More roomy there but lots of competition for nesting space from all of those ducks.

An afternoon ride on an errand. I rode a zigzag course via the empty lanes. Sometimes with the wind and sometimes against. Hitting 24mph, on the flat at one point, but struggling to reach 10mph on the way back. Only 8 miles.

Thursday 18th 46-62F, bright sunshine with a gusty, north-easterly breeze. Another day of unbroken sunshine is promised reaching about 60F. It was too and reached 62F. Just a brisk walk to the lanes to unwind both physically and mentally. Highly recommended to start the day. Though not if it means passing a field with

Retcher Scale 7 pig shit wafting across the road. I don't have any choice because all the fields locally are being blackened with industrial strength, weapons grade, pig's diarrhoea.

Friday 19th 44-63F, the sunny weather continues. Another long, sunny day. Walked to the lanes. A red kite keeps circling in our area. Barely higher than the trees right over our garden.

Saturday 20th 40-64F, warm and sunny again. Another white, overnight frost. There was a suspected new record of 20C [68F] yesterday in Denmark. Probably subject to the usual calibration checks of the measuring device. A walk to the village to the sound of birdsong. A ride seems to be on the cards. Wind turbines standing still.

An afternoon ride to the shops at 64F. Just shorts, jersey and a jacket. No need for long underwear, cap or a cardigan. Nor even the jacket. Headwind going. Headwind coming back.

Lies, damned lies and Danish supermarkets! For the umpteenth time the crooks were advertising special offers which were not present nor even delivered.

When is weekly fraud to entice to their premises, by false advertising, not a premeditated crime? Because they are too big to prosecute? Or because there is no consumer protection in Denmark? Only 7 miles. A few cyclists out training. Had a wave from some of them.

Sunday 21st 40F, calm again with more, unbroken sunshine.

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15th April 2019 Wall to wall sunshine.

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Monday 15th 36-42F, clear, bright and sunny but with a cold northerly wind. Nothing much stood out in the news. Just the usual, professional attention seekers. Don't worry. I'll think of something. This morning's pig shit stench is 6.5 on the Retcher Scale. I read on the Danish news that young farmers are proving their <cough> manhood by spreading pig shit 24 hours a day. With farming being one of the most dangerous occupations this behaviour sounds more like a large dollop of Lemming Syndrome.

The bright and not quite so cold conditions inspired me to walk up to the woods, along various tracks and fire breaks and then back along the marsh. There were two hares by the marsh which couldn't make up their mind if I was dangerous. Then decided I was when I lifted my binoculars. There was a beautiful Shelduck on the pond with half a dozen mixed mallards for company.

In the interests of longevity I have taken to walking on the verge whenever a vehicle is approaching on my side. It saves me getting angry with the drooling idiots and avoids them having to go out around me. So everybody wins except those who like reading my scathing comments about poor drivers.

We'll all just have to wait for self-driving cars. Then I can pick fault with them. Not that anybody will need to drive when they are all made unemployed by AI and robotics. Or both. Only those skilled at uniquely human traits will be safe. For a while. Who will be able to afford sex robots when there is nobody left with an income?  How does business work without loads of customers across the entire wealth spectrum? 😏 Ever the optimist! 😊

Tuesday 16th 35-50F, bright but breezy from the NE. It seems the early inhabitants of the UK were immigrants arriving in waves. Including the farmers who built Stonehenge and other megaliths. White supremacists should note the very dark colour of these people's skin and hair. There was no mention of Brexit in the DNA findings. A walk to the woods, up through the beach trees and back down to the road. I was so warm I took my jacket off despite the chilly wind. A quick ride to the shops in the afternoon.  Headwind going. Cruising at 17mph coming back. Only 7 miles.

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13th April 2019 Unlucky for some cockroaches?

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Saturday 13th 30-42F. A bright start promises lots of sunshine this morning. Light winds too. Just for once the two competing weather forecasters have used the same piece of seaweed and agreed on a sunny morning. It soon became cloudy and windy. It felt cold and a white frost clung to the long grass. About a 7 on the Retcher Scale. Where the stench of pig shit from the local fields runs from a modestly nauseating 5 to certain death from asphyxiation at 10.

Shorter walk to the lanes because I had things to do at home. Saw what I took to be a small, female Kestrel with unusually short and deep wings hovering over the verge. I slowed my pace to allow it to make its dive but it missed its prey and moved further along the road. Being buff and so small, with no obvious markings I am wondering if it was  sparrowhawk instead. The geese were doing their noisy rounds of the copse but in a threesome today. There is a pond lost in the trees in there so that may well hold their interest.

In the news today? Cyclists are demoted to well below human according to the latest research into driver behaviour. Driver who become angry at being inconvenienced abuse the cyclist. If only to vent their anger at the deliberate unfairness of being a driver on continuously congested roads.

They justify their anger and resulting, dangerous behaviour by demoting the cyclist to something more akin to a giant cockroach. Rather than the fragile flesh and blood common to most human beings. Such drivers enjoy no connection between logic and the idiocy of joining the traffic queues in a device intended for motorway travel while carrying at least five adults.

Many drivers very obviously resent having to engage their brains while driving. Steering out and around a cyclist, or rural pedestrian, is highly stressful. It may well lead to long term PTSD. Which could well affect their entire career or even their ability to father a normal child. So the vulnerable cyclist or pedestrian must be punished for all that is wrong with their world. An easy target for a nuclear holocaust but without any of the diplomatic or mental skills to avert a crisis.

The anonymous vehicle becomes a giant sledge hammer to carry out spontaneous and impromptu crash test dummy trials. Without the supposed anonymity of their vehicle they wouldn't dream of swinging a sledge hammer at strangers in the high street. If they were on foot they would never dream of ramming their shopping trolley into any unfortunate cyclist heading blissfully unaware for the supermarket cycle rack.

Yet, emboldened by their mobile invincibility the driver becomes the infant school yard bully in the car park. Parking is stressful. More skill is required than the average driver can muster on a stinking hangover. They have the ability to wipe out everybody in the car park if only they had the skill and the nerve.

The last trees bravely hold their ground as the giant machines constantly nibble away at the forest.

There are people to blame everywhere they look. Stupid kids throwing themselves under their wheels as they floor the pedal and shriek away from a missed parking space like a blown dragster on Nitro. Using every Newton's torque [or whatever] from their four valves per pot, turbocharged <cough> "racing car in sheep's clothing."

Or so they imagine having once seen saloon car racing on the TV. No doubt while consuming their third giant bag of potato crisps and yet another beer before going shopping for more crisps and beer. [In the car of course] Cycling and walking are strictly for losers. And cockroaches, of course.

Sunday 14th 34F, bright start but some cloud expected. Al Chump One is being brought down like the last mobster who thought himself above the law. He has until the 23rd April to provide his tax returns for the last few years. It was horribly cold and dark grey by the time I'd returned from my walk. With a chilly wind which made even the GripGrab cycling gloves feel inadequate. It has reached a scorching 36F or +2C. Only a few crows and jackdaws plying their way across the landscape. Doing whatever it is that they do. I was reading that skyscrapers are responsible for billions of bird deaths. It is commonplace to see images of birds of prey attached to picture windows in Denmark. In an attempt to fend off bird strikes.

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8th April 2019 Two April hares don't make a March.

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Monday 8th 41F, bright and sunny again but much cooler. With a variable, northerly breeze. I walked across the fields up to the woods via the freshly formed, spray tracks.

Saw two large hares but they quickly receded into the distance along the edge of the woods. Came back down the edges of the fields by another way. Bit of a chilly and gusty gale building. It stayed sunny but cool all day.

Tuesday 9th 36-42F, white frost, cold but sunny. Still stinking of pig's shit. A walk to the lanes as a large tractor dragged a vast, pig's muck spreader around the fields surrounding our rural hovel. A chill, northly wind seemed almost appropriate to the occasion. There's no shit without profit.

Wednesday 10th 26-42F, cold northerly breeze, early sunshine has given way to cloud. Breathtaking stench of pig shit again. A brisk walk to the village and back. A tiny flurry of snow or light, frozen rain fell as I turned into the drive, but it soon stopped. A long, grey day peaking at 40F. Spent on the lathe in an unheated shed enjoying hypothermia.

The giant pig's diarrhoea squid races back across the prairie for a refill.



Thursday 11th 32-41F, another white frost, calm and bright at the moment. [7.00am]  The forecast is for lots of sun or not much sun. Spooky? Or just the two faces of Danish weather forecasting? Take your pick. We saw 26F and 66F within a few days of each other. Neither forecast ammonia clouds and pig shit though.

A two hour walk to the Far woods! Then back through the nearer woods and down the edges of the fields. It must have been the early sunshine because I took 111 photographs. I saw six very large deer. Mostly singly, but a doe and full grown male calf, with downy antlers, hovered indecisively. While I snapped away at full zoom wasting photons.

They say they have discovered a new race of early mankind in a cave in the Philippines. Well, I met one of those in the supermarket today. I was queuing behind two big, young lumps from the school across the way. When a full sized example of Pignoramus ginormii pushed in front of me. Whereupon I asked if he was "special" [as you do] but was told he was "with them."

At seven feet tall and about as wide across the shoulders, he was sporting a natty stubble worthy of any invading Dane. I said that I thought the Danes were supposed to be polite but it bounced right off a back the size of a double garage door. I shall have to give daily thanks that there weren't more of them in the group or I could still be queuing! Mind you, on a diet of sticky sweets I don't hold out much hope for his long term survival. So they may well discover his remains some way down the road to extinction. If I was his size I'd be keeping a wary eye out for asteroids!

A rustic machine gun tower for lazy hunters. Or a practice build by the Danish, New Far Right. Busy planning detention camps for all immigrants as soon as they get into power. Lock up your art treasures! There's sure to be looting.

Friday 12th 30F, bright but rather cloudy with a white frost on the grass. A walk to the lanes as a pair of geese flew round and around a copse in circles. The pig's diarrhoea squid was back to give the fields at least their third drenching this week. The stench is unbelievable! A nauseatingly strong stink of ammonia!

Talking of unbelievable: An assessment of the effects of the fleet of Chumpy's F35s on Denmark suggests that 900 villages will be directly effected by illegal noise levels. If this were industry it would require long term hearing protection. Of course "they" tried to pretend there wasn't a noise problem at all. With billions of taxpayer's, stolen, life savings at stake they have a serious problem of citizen persuasion. It snowed in the afternoon! Everything went white for a while but it soon vanished at 38F amid watery sunny periods.

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6th Aril 2019 Takes your breath away!

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Saturday 6th 42-62F, dark grey, but clearing and almost calm. The forecast is for sun or no sun. They can't both be right. Opening the door for my walk was to be confronted with weapons grade pig shit. Laced with toxic levels of ammonia with an after-note of a hideously nauseating, chemically mass-produced, lemon scent.

The garden is awash with Ladybirds. They are emerging from small stacks of twigs and dry weeds left under the apple trees to overwinter. Provided as habitat for whatever fancies the free accommodation. We were favoured by a robin yesterday but it was typically shy for a European Robin and retreated to watch from a safe distance. Back in Gravely Blighted it would be pitching on our hands and demanding to be fed on freshly dug worms.

Just a walk to the lanes under an obscured sun. The roads were plastered in farmer's best dried mud from the muck spreading and chemical spraying. We might see 16C [60F] again this afternoon. Nice.

Sunday 7th 50-66F! Sunshine from a milky sky. Weapons grade pig shit on the air as I walked to the lanes in light traffic. A slight chill from the easterly breeze. It was a long and warm sunny day. Reaching 66F in the shade mid afternoon. Shopped in the car for a ton of stuff.

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5.04.19 And, another rule for all the hypocrites.

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Friday 5th 43/60F, brightening but will there be lots of sun or no sun at all? Eeny meany... The two Danish weather services are at loggerheads over sunshine again. "Y'all want grey with that? Or wall to wall sunshine?" It turned out sunny but with a milky sky and thin cloud.

Walked into the sun and a chilly, easterly wind to reach the woods by the steep climb. I watched as a Harrier twitched and wheeled over the fields looking for breakfast. Several large grey geese did circuits around me as they argued furiously before re-joining their brethren on a vast, tilled field.

The Danish government, aided and abetted by its extreme right wing, coalition partner, is heading for a change in the law. To allow 45kph scooters for 16 year-olds. 45kph is 28mph. The vast majority of road safety interests do not support the proposed change. Only those likely to profit from the change are in favour. 

The problem is that many young people are already exceeding even this higher speed limit thanks to a busy market for tuning products for the existing, age and speed limited machines. Those who are caught speeding on their 29kph[18mph] lower speed limited scooters face fines and even confiscation of their machines. 

There is one argument nobody has mentioned so far. The vast majority of drivers in Denmark pay no heed [at all] to legal speed limits or lane discipline. So why subject the young alone to such closely targetted hypocrisy? 

The problem with youth and speed is inexperience and their naturally competitive spirit. They exhibit spontaneous, emotional decisions without grasping the likely consequences.

There should be adequate training courses to prepare them for higher speeds and the often lethal consequences of their poor decisions. Longer braking distances and other road users matter. The latter will routinely, grossly underestimate the scooterist's approach speed.

Everything happens much more quickly as speeds rise. So reaction times and riding skill count far more in everyday survival than merely passing a written test.

The rural rider has far more room to make mistakes. But will quickly discover the myriad dangers of city traffic and phone-obsessed pedestrians and drivers. Drivers will always want to overtake the "nuisance" scooter if it inhibits their absolute, sociopathic right to drive like the criminally insane they obviously are.

The 45kph/28mph rule is very close to the maximum speed limit in built-up areas. I can easily see conflicts arising with motorists. Most of whom feel they have a basic human right to exceed the speed limit. Because the vast majority of drivers obviously carry the insane delusion that the road will be completely empty ahead. All it takes is for them to overtake that one "nuisance" directly in front of their vehicle. 

You see it on every single outing. Whether walking, riding or driving. Deluded drivers will take insanely suicidal and illegal risks. Just to gain one car space on a perpetually busy road. With nose to tail traffic and double white lines literally for miles ahead. They make exactly the same journey every single day but still think there is some "fairy tale" road situation. Where there is nothing to slow them down. Not even the law. And if the law intervenes and catches them [extremely unlikely in police-free, rural Denmark] then that is very unfair. What kind of "nutter" attacks a police camera van occupant or a fixed speed camera? That's right children: The criminally insane! Creepy!

The insane delusion always exists that the road is clear just in front of the next "Sunday Driver." So they all sit on the tail of the car they are following. Just waiting for that []highly illegal] moment to prove their supposed "masculinity."

Or their vehicle's natural superiority in the multi-tiered hierarchy of who has the best, gilt-edged ashtrays. Or imitation wood, plastic fascia. Or who has the best matched, colour coded valve caps on their Chinese, mass-produced, alloy wheels.

Or even, that "highly exclusive" stainless steel, exhaust, tail pipe. Reserved only for "exclusive" car models. You know the ones: The cars bought only by the most deluded and immature chumps. Just for the bragging rights in their scruffy, work's canteen or "down the pub" before driving home while unfit.

Reality escapes these people the moment they leave the car showroom. Or even before they enter it! Or, before they nose into the perpetual, daily, traffic jam just outside their own front door.

Will the newly faster, young scooterists be taught about these strange factors against their own survival? I seriously doubt it. You only have to see the local driving instructor's cars illegally speeding through the towns and villages. Or routinely crossing the double white lines to cut every single corner. Or overshooting the double white lines on every other corner while driving the opposite way. 

This is the harsh reality of everyday driving in Denmark. I'm still waiting to read the global headlines about the petrol tanker which hit the packed, school bus convoy head-on. As each driver performed their daily, minute by minute, hour by hour, suicidal rituals. To meet each other equally placed across the double white lines. Probably at 10mph over the legal speed limit. On one of the countless, completely blind corners.

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2nd April 2019 "Gimme a Double Typhoid Mary."

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Tuesday 2nd 36F, bright but windy. Sun or no sun. Pick your weather forecaster. Eeny, meany, miney, mo. Warming slowly but the easterly wind is rather chilly. Walked briskly to the lanes. Busy all day.

And don't call me "blossom!" 😏

Wednesday 3rd 45F, rather grey, but not so cold or windy. Some sunshine or no sunshine. Showers possible. Walked via the spray tracks to the woods and back along the marsh. Not a single bird on the water! It was determinedly grey until after lunch then rain.

Thursday 4th 43F, bright and breezy with a milky sky. The Danish forecasters are split down the middle again. How badly can both be wrong? There is a story on health and diet on the BBC News website. There is a 10:1 difference in mortality between countries with good compared to those with poor diets.

Nuts, grains, veg and fresh fruit are good. Salt, sugar, alcohol, meat and processed foods bad. Lies, damned lies and statisticians trying to make the morning headlines. Me fad, you fad, we all fad together.

Last week we were being told that red wine, beer and coffee were all good for you. Now you might just as well smoke 10 fags. Just remember not to drink your red wine in the same room as the children. That would be as bad as having measles parties. Or not washing your hands frequently. It's all Typhoid Mary worship these days! Talk about turning a living legend on its head!

Walked to the lanes as a second class citizen. "Peds" are only safe on the verges. Which means traipsing through the twigs, branches and tree trunks left behind by the tractor driven, hedge slashers. Lots of Chaffinches calling today. The sky has turned grey now.

A shopping ride in the afternoon. An easterly wind hindered me going. Helped on the way back. I ran out of higher gears on the small chainwheel on a climb as I went over 19mph and had to change to the large chainwheel. Only 7 miles.

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1st April 2019 ABUS apologizes for [rubber] software con.

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Monday 1st April 25F, -4C, hard white frost while spring sunshine continues day and night. A short but brisk walk to the lanes against the commuter traffic.

Despite the ruling, Danish Fascist Party's carpet ban on tricycles I shall be going shopping today. I'll just leave my carpet at home and hang the consequences! Yes, I know it's supposed to be a blanket ban but the Danes always use Google Translate to come up with their [supposedly] catchy Ingleesh slogans. None of which make any sense [at all] to a native English speaker. So we British ex-pats just take the traditional, Danish, Blue Monday pill and go with the flow.

ABUS Locks has apologized on their official Twitter side. Their locks were not coated in Unobtainium to reduce the weight of their "Mini-U" cycle lock from 70kg to just under 7kg. In fact their Mini-U locks really do weigh 70kg. But their [rubber coating] software fooled any electronic scales in their vicinity. Their ruse was only exposed when the scrapyard owner of a vintage, mechanical, lorry weighing platform tried to weigh one in disbelief at the reading on their electronic lorry weighing scales.

ABUS shares plummeted on the announcement of a class action suite brought by the UCI. For damages to carbon fibre cycles crushed by the weight of the owner's ABUS Mini-U cycle locks in Classic Races. A spokesperson for the BCF suggested [on the basis of strict anonymity] that owners carry their ABUS Mini-U lock in a following car. Or, in a real emergency, try 250psi helium in their tyres.

Failing that they should always employ good practice when lifting their ABUS Mini-U locks manually onto their cycles. Knees bent, back straight and an Olympic standard superheavyweight lifter's belt are all essential.

IMPORTANT NOTE:  Lady cyclists should always ask for male assistance in case of any doubt. Do use BSI approved lifting strops and sufficient tethering shackles once the lock is safely onto the machine. Tyre pressures must be checked at frequent intervals to avoid so called, "pinch flats." About every quarter of an hour or 2 miles should do but don't take any unnecessary risks.

I rode off to the shops early to stave off malnutrition and returned heavily laden. There was a special offer on organic beer so I brought back a year's supply in a one-use carrier bag. With all that weight on the rear rack the front wheel kept lifting. So I lashed the Abus Mini-U lock to the handlebars with several 2T lifting strops. Which were the only thing I had handy in the saddle bag at the time.

With the balance now safely restored I was hitting 70 mph on the slightest descent. Fortunately I still had a functional brake in the shape of the massive, ABUS Mini-U lock, up front. So, every time I came to a bit of a drop I'd chuck the lock off the back and use it as a drag brake. I just hope the road repairs chaps don't twig what I was up to. 

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